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The next day, I returned to my parent’s house, unable to face the risk of running into him, Mathilde, or any of their friends on campus.
There had been a letter waiting for me from Marieth, again inviting me to join her to further my studies into the history of fae magic. I’d been wavering—the need to exert some control over my life was pushing me to go.
Tor had tried to discourage me, but it was Darius that had kept me from the trip. The idea of leaving him, of disappointing him. Of him finding my replacement while I was gone. But with that no longer an issue, I’d written my letter agreeing to visit as soon as possible, basically signing my own death warrant to avoid the humiliation of my rejection.
When I finally finish recounting my whole sorry tale, I manage to face Seldon, shame heating my cheeks, burning the tips of my ears. His sad little warble makes me laugh despite the moment, and then he is pulling me to him, shoving my face into his lean chest, the rough glitter embroidery of his tee shirt scratching my cheek.
Our bags, and there are plenty of them, have been discarded all over the floor while Seldon embraces me, rocking me back and forth. I can feel his tears on my scalp where he is rubbing his cheek on my head, his hands rubbing small circles on my back.
I’m more than just a smidgen grateful that the store is basically empty except for the sales assistant who had made herself pretty scarce while we’d shopped. I’ve experienced a lot of embarrassing moments in my life—I don’t want to add this emotional bonding session to the list.
Because Seldon isnotthe only one crying. Tears stream down my cheeks, wetting Seldon’s shirt. I hiccup on my sobs, trying to pull back the threads of my emotions, to pull myself back together, but it’s just not happening.
“I am so, sosorry, Theo.” I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter against his sympathy. It feels too much like pity.
“You don’t have to apologise. You didn’t do it.” There is a sharp whack to my butt where Seldon slaps me, and I flinch, my face turning up to scowl at him.
“Don’t be a dick. I’m sorry that it happened to you. Not taking credit for the dickbaggery. Nobody, absolutelynobodydeserves to be treated like that.” I nod against his chest, still hugged tight against him by his deceptively strong arm. I swallow down the big feelings threatening to once again spill over.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” I huff a humourless laugh. “It’s funny, I know that now. I know how wrong it was. Being kidnapped and almost dying kinda put a lot of things in perspective. I had a lot of time to think while I was in Marieth’s basement. About my life. About who I was. I didn’t like the image it all painted very much. I’d never been happy. I’d… never felt like me. I’d been desperate for approval from everyone, to constantly prove myself.”
“Everything was driven by my parents and their aspirations for me, or my gift and what I needed to study, or what the University wanted from me. And then whatever I could do to keep Darius interested in me. I promised myself… I promised myself that if I survived, I wouldn’t do that anymore. I wouldn’t be that way anymore. I wouldn’t be that meek little pushover.” Seldon’s sharp features contort into a look of disbelief.
“You? A meek pushover? I don’t believe it.” I shove at his shoulder, extricating myself from his embrace to flip him off. Our bags are a giant mess, so I bend to pick them up.
“Now who’s being a dick?” I hand some of his bags over. He’s right, something about facing my own mortality and being surrounded by people who genuinely care aboutmehas changed something in me. I feel safe to be myself. Or whoever it is I ambecoming. Even if that means being a bit of a dick sometimes while I figure it out. Deep down, I knew they still had my back.
“Well, I think all that trauma requires something shiny and more iced drinks. We’ll hit a couple more shops, and I’ll take you back. And you can talk to Roan.”
I groan loudly, throwing back my head dramatically. He laughs musically, whacking me playfully with his handful of bags.
But then he sobers, giving me hisserious look. “Also, I think, on top of Edith’s tea, maybe you should speak to someone? Like, a professional? You’ve been through a lot.”
Everything sounded great until he got to all that stuff about talking. That sounded a bit shit to be honest. That uncomfortable tight feeling came back, that one where someone has told you something incredibly true but you don’t want to hear it.
“Ugh. Fine. But I’m not going to enjoy it.”
Seldon loops his arm through mine, leading me out of the store.
“Sure, you keep telling yourself that, bud.”
Roan
“Are we going tohave a repeat of this morning, Roan? Because I swear to the Gods, I am not hiring new staff because you can’t keep your shit together.” The tray of clean glasses rattles precariously as Mauvy slams them onto the bar top for me to stack away, ready for the night shift.
I grimace, not looking at my long-time best friend, completely ashamed of my behaviour. It’s been three days since Theo and I had sex at the cottage, and every day, I’ve wavered between standing solid in my decision that pursuing whatever this is between us is a no good, terrible, and bad idea, and throwing caution to the wind and going for it, come what may.
Right now, I just want to see him. Even if it is just so I can know that he’s okay.
He’s been hiding in his room. Tor was devastated when he’d come to drop Theo’s things to him, only to find Theo wrapped up in his little nest again. He asked if I knew what happened.
Mauvy, who didn’t know but had some pretty accurate guesses, had stared me down, her thick glasses magnifying her scowl. I’d chickened out of saying anything. I mean, how didyou tell a guy that you fooled around with his brother and then accidentally triggered a depressive episode?
Probably not like that, anyway.
I stammered and hesitated until Seff, who’d been catching up with some friends over on the other side of the tavern, had seen my wide-eyed panic and came to my rescue. Again. He’d sauntered over to join us, pinching both Caelan and Tor on the butt for attention, gathered them in his arms and redirected the conversation to their trip to the city.
I comped Seff’s drinks for the rest of the night, right before he warned me, in a tone I’d never heard from him before, to fix my shit with Theoor else. I’d seen a flash of his wolf in his eyes when he’d spoken, the threat antagonising that beastly feeling I’d been battling with ever since Theo had come into my life.
