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Roan shifts to match my stance, crossing his arms and stepping his feet out wide to brace his considerable mass. His head tilts as he considers me. The intensity of his gaze feels like too much again, and I can feel the stupid blush heating my cheeks, neck, and ears under my freckles.
“Weekends usually are. Was a bit surprised to see you tonight, to be honest.”
I focus on the shining buckle of his leather harness and gulp. He’s right, it really goes against my usual M.O. to be out here while there are so many other beings with us.
I rake my hand over my head, unsettling my hair. It’s probably due for a cut, but I kind of like how long the curls are getting.
“Yeah, thought I would try something different. Uh, push my boundaries a bit.” I am rewarded with a full smile from Roan now, the joy radiating from him as he beams at me, nodding.
His approval pokes at that peevish, irritable place inside of me that chafes against being everyone's good little boy. But for the first time in too long, even before my capture, the annoyance is duller and far outweighed by the good. The acknowledgement brings me up short, makes me want to confess more things in search of more of his approval.
“Tor came by today. He said that he and Caelan are hopefully going to head to Loqueaur City sometime next week.”
Roan watches me carefully. “You going to go with them?”
Am I imagining it or does he sound… hesitant? I shake my head, dislodging a lock of hair that falls over my eye, and pick at the corner of the book I have hugged to my chest like a lifeline.
“Nah. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that. But they offered to pack up my rooms at my parents’ house. And sort things out at the University for me, get my laptop and phone and all my stuff. I will probably need to work things out there eventually. Leaving my position there is going to cause some headaches for my colleagues.”
Roan grunts noncommittally. “You sure you want to quit?”
The laugh that escapes me is a little too loud and not very pleasant. “I have lost my gift, Roan. Without it I am just another average fae. And not even that considering I’ve lost my magic. There isnothingfor me there anymore.”
“You don’t know that. It could come—” I know what he is about to say; it’s what they’ve all said trying to comfort me, but it doesn’t help, just ignites my temper simmering beneath the surface. And just like that, it flares in another outburst. I stand suddenly, my stool screeching on the flagstone floors as I shove it back.
“It’s not coming back! It’s gone! Forever! But if you want me gone that badly I’ll—” I can almost see the rolling of his eyes as I spit my angry words at him.
I know I am being a petulant child but I cannot seem to help myself, my anger taking over. He holds his hands up, fingers splayed in the universal sign of surrender.
“Stop. I’m sorry. I get it. I am sorry.” He gives me a moment to catch my panting breath and indicates to the stool, using a gentle wave of magic to stand it up again.
For what feels like the millionth time tonight, there are too many eyes from too many beings on me, and their scrutiny feels unwelcome, like bugs skittering along my skin. Embarrassment burns my cheeks. Is it any wonder he thinks I’m some broken little creature to be wrapped in cotton wool when I keep acting like this? No longer willing to cause a scene, and my temper fading, I return to my seat.
“And no, I don’t want you to go anywhere. You are more than welcome to stay here as long as you need to. Though…” He eyes me again, like I’m a child he’s scared of setting off into another fit. “Areyouhappy here?”
My shock is genuine, and I pull a face.
“Uh, yeah? I mean, it beats staying with my brother and hearing him and Caelan go at it all over the farm?”
Roan huffs a laugh and nods in agreement—we’dallhad the unfortunate experience of hearing them on our trip back, and they had been enthusiastically reunited. It scarred me more than the whole kidnapped and nearly dying thing.
Roan leans forward on his elbows again, and I try not to inhale him like a junkie.
“Right, well, after that ringing endorsement, I have an idea. Maybe it’s time that you have something to do with yourself during the day.” He smirks at my raised eyebrow, my back immediately straightening, readying for a fight.
“Sitting in your room holding yourself prisoner isn’t doing you any good. You need to get out and do things. Accomplishments and all that. I told you about the cottage at the back? You might have seen it the night you got here? Or maybe out your window?”
I try to cast my mind back to the night we arrived, but it had been late and chaotic and the very definition of overwhelming.
Ihadseen it out of my window. There are actually two cottages out there. A tiny little one that I know is Roan’s—not that he is ever there except to sleep—and a larger one all behind the neglected, overrun kitchen garden. It looks like it has been more than a decade since anyone has stepped in the place.
“I know it. What about it?”
He raps his knuckles on the bar a couple of times and winks, while I try to stop my stomach from knotting itself up from his proximity.
“Right, well, it was my Uncle Inigo’s. I actually grew up there with him and my parents. But I moved out into my place back when I was eighteen. It’s been sitting there for just over a decade. I cleaned it out after he passed, but I never had it in me to deal with the place properly, then I got too busy here and time got in the way and now it’s too big a job to handle.”
If he has a point, I sincerely hope he finds it soon because my brain is turning to mush with the overstimulation of him coupled with the noise of the bar and too many people around. I’m not used to it anymore.
