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All I can say is thank the Gods for Seff, who manages to cut through the tense air with his usual good-natured friendliness. He fills awkward silences with jokes and stories to keep the tension between us all from boiling over into anything too serious.
In the end, though, we are all exhausted. I find the energy to put together our old tent, insisting Tor and Theo sleep inside on their own.
Both brothers protest loudly and I can feel Tor’s conflict through our bond, making my heart squeeze tight again. I want nothing more than to sleep wrapped up in each other once again, but his brother needs him and theybothneed rest.
Besides, I should probably get used to it, sleeping alone, so it won’t be so hard when he leaves.
In casehe left.
So I tuck them in and zip them up, before settling in on the hard ground next to the fire with the others. Edith looks like she wanted to rip me a new one, but both Seff and Roan level her with looks that puts her off. The wrinkle in her brow lets me know I am just delaying the inevitable from her.
When we wake, as refreshed as we are all going to be, we set out early. Packing up the tent and collecting things is thankfully quick work after my efforts yesterday.
After too many worried looks thrown his way, an exasperated Theo reassures us all that he is more than capable of the walk back. I swear I hear him muttering threats under his breath whenever anyone cuts a sympathetic look in his direction. Everyone is still pretty worried about his ability to make the trip and, in our defence, his pale, gaunt skin doesn’t exactly scream “picture of robust health”.
He has a pair of Tor’s jeans hanging off his narrow hips, rolled up multiple times over his sneakers, and a sweater from Roan that swims from his shoulders, hanging loose over his body.
The outfit is ridiculous and only adds the weak and vulnerable look of him. Unfortunately, his other clothes, the ones he’d been kidnapped in, had only been fit for the fire and this was the best we’d been able to pull together from our limited supplies. He was incredibly lucky that he’d been wearing his sneakers when he’d been taken, otherwise he’d be barefoot on our trek back. It’s not exactly like any of us are carrying a spare pair of hiking boots, and even if we did, he is tiny compared to the rest of us.
We may still be walking, but the sun is warm, and the trail is blessedly easy.
Tor takes my hand as we set off, giving me a reassuring smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. We are at the back of the group, Roan actively keeping his space from the now-conscious Theo under the guise of leading us with the map, Seff keeping him company. Edith is back to her meandering ways, seemingly completely unfazed by her recent run-in with a near immortal, legendary fae.
Theo hangs back with us, nervously hovering by Tor’s other shoulder. His lip is raw from where he’s been chewing it, his eyes fearfully watching the trees around us as we make our way along the path.
Every so often, I catch him looking at me with a worried expression on his face, but he quickly looks away when I catch him. Not that I am sure what I would even say if we were to speak, anyway. Please don’t take your brother away from me?Or how aboutI know you were just kidnapped and almost died in some unknown horrific magical torture, but I need him more than you?
Yeah. Not gonna happen.
Instead, we walk in heavy, polite silence, and I cling to Tor, hoping he doesn’t feel how badly my hand is sweating, or the roil of emotions in my gut, through our connection.
Everything feels so chaotic inside me I can’t tell what anxiety is mine and what’s his anymore. It is just a big, tangled mess of worry. By the time we stop for dinner and set up camp for the night, the distance between Tor and myself, the uncertainty, has grown like a chasm, seemingly impossible to cross.
Seff, in his underrated good sense, takes Theo and Tor to go get water so we can cook and freshen up. This unfortunately gives Edith the chance she has been waiting for, and she finally corners me. The slap across the back of my head is my first warning as she rounds me up against a towering oak. I rub the back of my head, frowning down at her, trying not to look too rattled.
“What in the name of the Gods are you doing?” Her hands fly emphatically as she spits the words in my face.
My grimace hurts, and I can feel the heat of my blush as it burns its way up to my ears. Maybe I can act dumb? I am saved from having to answer by Roan, who is setting up the campfire and dinner. He chuckles a little too loudly atmy predicament. Edith spins her crackling glare at him, poking her bony finger violently in his direction.
“Don’t you laugh, goat boy. I have more than a few choice words for you, too.” She whirls back to me, crossing her arms across her dress, her various shawls rippling dramatically.
I stare at the tiny black buttons on her bodice to avoid her pointed gaze. She is missing a few, the tiny delicate things not designed for woodland treks and magical battles. I nervously stuff my hands into my pockets, unsure what to do with them under her scrutiny.
“I’m waiting, Caelan. What is this bullshit you are pulling with Tor? We all risked our lives to save your fuckingbonded mateand now you’re acting like you are strangers. Weird, awkward strangers.”
Bile rises in my throat, guilt and shame revolting in my stomach. I am being an ass, I know. But I don’t know how to stop. “I just want it to be easier. When he leaves. With Theo.”
I only whisper my shame, but I know she hears. Gods, I can hear Roan’s pitiful cluck over by the fire. I can’t look Edith in the eyes, instead tilting my head back against the scratchy tree bark behind me, furiously blinking back the tears burning my eyes.
Edith sighs deeply, and pulls me into a hug, her little body wrapping around me comfortingly. “Caelan, I love you. But you are a giant, unrelenting, huge idiot. Like fucking enormous. Dumbest dumb-dumb on the planet.”
I huff a laugh and press the heel of my hands to my eyes to rub away the stinging tears. “Thanks, Edith, always a pleasure.” My sarcasm is met with a punch in the arm with her tiny fist.
“You need to talk to him. Properly. He has been through a lot. Fuck, we don’t even know what happened to Theo yet. I mean, when we found him, it wasn’t good. She was definitely going to kill him, and I have my suspicions, but you and Tor? You guys are bigger than that. Thanthis. I know it hurts, babe, but youcannotjust run because you’re scared he’s going to leave you first. He needs you. Don’t let him down.”
I scrub my hand over my face, ashamed again at having been called out. “I… I’ll talk to him.”
“You better. And now you!” She circles in on Roan, but he is saved by the return of the others smashing into the clearing, the lucky bastard.
