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“Um, so everyone, this is my baby brother.” I hear him mutter under his breath. It’s good to know that even after all this shit, he still has his attitude. I bump my head to his as an apology. “Mybrother, Theo, as you all know. But this is Seff, Roan, and Edith.” I point to them in turn and they nod and wave. Seff’s smiling like a goofball around the strawberries he’d picked up while we were occupied.
I point to Caelan, who is watching us carefully, his knees tucked tight to his chest, his arms wrapped around them protectively. My heart falters, seeing the vulnerability written all over his face. It is like a flashing neon sign above his head, even without the feelings flooding my chest through our bond. “And this ismyCaelan.” My words seem to settle something in him, not a lot, but he no longer looks like a kicked puppy and he gives Theo a little two-finger wave with a friendly smile.
It’s a start.
Edith crouches in front of Theo, unable to take it all a minute longer. She stares into his eyes for a moment, his muscles tensing and then relaxing under my arm, before she smiles indulgently, yanking him into a hard hug.
“You’re going to be ok.” I can hear the words she whispers into his ear, feeling a little bad for listening in when his head nods against her neck. His sobs are soft beneath the quiet murmur of Edith’s comforting mumbles while she rocks him back and forth, nuzzling him into her fuzzy curls.
“I’m going to go find us more to eat. We’re all too tired to move on today. He needs rest.” Roan’s gruff growl is thrown over his shoulder, interrupting the quiet moment as he stomps off into the woods.
Seff quickly scrambles to his feet, slipping his hat back on his head and flipping it around. “Yeah, so I’m gonna go help him. And find out what crawled up his ass.” Throwing a thumb over his shoulder in the general direction Roan had taken, he quickly disappears to follow the obviously irritated fae.
Caelan clears his throat and shuffles over to join us on our side of the fire, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Do you guys need anything?” Heshifts from foot to foot, like he is unsure if he is welcome, so I yank on his jeans and make him sit, rearranging him as a comfortable pillow behind me.
“Theo, hun, are you okay staying here today? Roan might be an ass, but he’s right, you are too weak for the walk home yet.” Edith’s hands rub at Theo’s shoulders, and I can’t hold in my shudder at the idea of walking again, even if thereareclean clothes, civilization and safety at the end of the road.
Theo just nods weakly, rubbing his face with the back of his hand. “Yeah, it’s fine. I’m just thankful that she didn’t—” He cut himself off, shaking his head at the image in his head. He rubs at his chest absently.
“Did you want—” I rub my hand down his back, feeling the bumps of his spine beneath his shirt. He’s always been slight, but he’s obviously lost weight from the stress.
He tenses though, his shoulders drawing up to his shoulders. “Not right now. I can’t talk about it yet. Later. Maybe. Just, I’m safe. That’s all that matters now, Tor. We’re safe. And we can go… home, I guess. I guess we can go home.”
This time, it’s Caelan tensing behind me; his hands that were gently stroking my arms withdraw, leaving me icy and cold.
But shit, there’s that word again.Home. I guess we still have a lot to talk about, don’t we?
Caelan
We stay here, inour spot on the border of the Woods and the cottage, for another night. During the day, we rest as long as we can until restlessness settles in. Edith wanders off, it’s been a long time around others for her. She soon leaves the brothers, giving into her inquisitiveness to take Monty for a poke around the still smouldering rubble of the fae’s cottage. Anxiety creeps under my skin as the morning trawls on, buzzing through me until I’m forced to do something productive to channel my nervous energy somewhere else.
I leave Tor and Theo to talk, gathering up the remaining supplies of our backpacks and what Roan had brought with him. When I put it all together, there isn’t much to show for it.
I stack the equipment to one side, and pile up the remains of our food before pulling out the clothes to be cleaned. I keep busy, but it doesn’t stop me from stewing on the marathon of thoughts plaguing me.
One thought haunts me the most, taunting my insecurities, dancing through my head on repeat.
Home.
The word is like bile in my throat, and I know that I can’t talk to Tor about it without word-vomiting my fears all over him. And I can’t do that, not right now. Not when he finally has Theo back. Not when he is needed elsewhere. When he is needed in hisactualhome.
The thought of him leaving me makes my chest hurt, as if a fist is squeezing my heart until it stops and a hole opens beneath me, the void ready to swallow me up.
I take my frustrations out on our dirty clothes, scrubbing at them viciously, turning over every possibility.Maybe I could leave the homestead?No. That doesn’t feel right either. The thought of leaving my familial land feels like abandoning a piece of my soul.
I really don’t know what to do, and I hate feeling so lost and out of control after everything we have just been through. Not to mention my guilt and shame bubbling in my gut at wanting to get on my knees and beg Tor to choose to stay with me.
To pick me.
So I clean everything I can, as hard as I can, and give Tor and his brother time to reconnect, their heads bowed together, whispering furiously, while I untangle the mess in my head.
Eventually everything is spotless again—dried with the aid of a little magic—and I have needlessly packed and repacked the bags until they have been in pretty much every configuration.
Roan and Seff come back late from their jaunt in the forest, having been gone most of the day, holding another woolchuck they had taken the time to thoughtfully prepare away from our makeshift camp, to roast over the fire.
Seff just rolls his eyes at me when I raise a questioning eyebrow in Roans direction. He is actively avoiding Theo like he has the plague. There is something going on there, and I have a sneaking suspicion it is something stupid. I am more than a little concerned about my old friend.
We eat early, in the dying light of the day. Edith returns just in time to be completely unhelpful, arms overloaded with various herbs and bits she declares “useful” that had miraculously survived the fire.
