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Why can’t I breathe? Shouldn’t I be able to do that? Because I can’t.
My vision is hazy, turning cloudy and confusing, so I close my eyes against it. I can hear the hard pants of my breath, the blood pounding in my ears like war drums.
Then, the pressure of something on my shoulders. Hands, I think? Calm and reassuring, the pressure anchors me, grounds me to the earth again. I didn’t even realise I was floating. Something shuffles in front of me and there is a soft brushing of my curls. I smell something citrusy and woodsy andmine. Mine. “Tor. baby, I really need you to listen to me, ok? Focus on my voice. Can you hear me?”
With each word I come back to myself more, awareness of my body buzzing under my skin. I manage the barest of nods and am rewarded with the ruffling of my hair again. He is kissing me. Something pulls at my chest. Like a plug into a socket, leaching a trickle of calm into me.
“It’s okay, Tor. You are safe. Can you take a breath for me, baby? I need you to take a breath.”
I hear him take in a dramatically large breath and feel his exhale cascade over me. The warmth of his hands on my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing delicate circles, brings me closer back again. I try to copy his breath, relying on that strength I can borrow from him. I manage to choke a breath into my greedy lungs and exhale it back out.
“Good baby, you are doing so good. Keep going.” We keep going, Caelan breathing with me until my chest settles and I manage to open my eyes. His deep evergreen eyes are locked on me, a soft smile tugging at his lips. I blink and rub my face, finding it wet with tears.
Gods, this is embarrassing. I have never had a panic attack, not even after the whole “nearly dying by mermaid”. Shit, not even the time I got stuck in a crush at a bar when a small kitchen fire caused a panicked evacuation. I had been stone cold calm about it.
Seeing the tenderness in Caelan’s face is too much. I can feel the tears burning at my eyes again, so instead I pull him to me in a crushing hug, shoving my face into his neck and breathing deeply of him. A shudder wracks through me as his calm wraps around me, merging with the trickle of peace that had somehow turned into an avalanche, protecting me from the fears haunting me.
We stay like that, huddled on the muddy Woods’ dirt for an age, until Caelan rises to his feet and extends a hand to help me up. He is always doing that, reaching for me, and it always gives my heart a little flutter.
We continue on slower this time; I am too exhausted to push too hard. The rollercoaster of the stunning high of this morning, followed by the crash of my panic attack, has wiped me out and I can’t seem to get a proper handle on my raging emotions. Maybe that’s why I can feel Caelan all around me? Like a hazy hangover from our lascivious night.
I refuse to let go of Caelan’s hand. Even when it gets really difficult as we pass through dense undergrowth; he has to hack away at with his knife so we can pass safely. And when we have to climb over ancient tree roots taller than us both combined. But the Woods are quiet again this morning. After the lead-up to the full moon last night, it is almost disconcerting for it to be quiet for so long, but Caelan assures me it is just the beings sleeping off their big night. Heblushes when he says it too, no doubt remembering our own big night and the way I had fucked him into the dirt. I give him a knowing smirk, because yeah, I did that.
It’s after lunch when we stumble upon a wall of hedges, curved like the edge of a large circle. The hedges are massive, breaking into the treeline of the towering Woods around us. It is obviously not a part of the natural landscape, making me instantly curious and, more sensibly, wary.
“What in the ether is this?” I ask, whispering on instinct, feeling the power here, pulling Caelan a little closer. There is a definite energy coming from the wall of shrubbery.
“I have no idea, but I would hazard a guess that it is a meeting ground.” Still, to be safe, Caelan palms his knife again as we follow the rounded edge until we come to an entrance, heavy wooden doors set into the greenery propped open. Giving the entrance a wide berth, we walk past, pretending like we are just strolling on through and not dying to find out what is going on inside.
Okay, Caelan walks past casually and efficiently, while I almost pull a muscle straining to see what is going on with the cluster of naked fauns chilling at the doorway. They seem to be saying goodbye to someone. Caelan really won’t slow down so I can get a better look, but I can see… Is that a woman standing there?
I can’t quite tell, but the blonde making out with the tallest of the fauns, which isn’t saying much as they are all quite short, definitely isn’t one of them. Interesting. She eventually separates from the male and then gives a long, sultry kiss to a female faun in the crowd.Looks like someone had a very interesting night. Caelan, huffing in annoyance, sick of pulling me along, looks over my shoulder at the scene I am blatantly ogling and stops dead.
“Edith?” His incredulous voice carries on the slight breeze of the Woods, and the group stops and turns to face us. The fauns look kind of pissed to be interrupted, but the woman’s face breaks into an enormous smile. Her goodbyes are hurried now, just a quick grab of the hand, a wave, a blown kiss.
“Caelan! Caelan, my darling, how are you? What in the world are you doing this far into the Woods?” The woman runs over to us, in an excited half-skip,and throws herself at Caelan, encompassing him in a hug of layers of black lace and too many scarves. Her frizzy, bleach blonde curls seem to choke him.
I have no idea who this woman is, but she seems like a delight, my instincts telling me I love her already. The pungent smell of sex, herbs, and stale wine wafts off her. But considering she has just left the Faun Full Moon Circle, a night known for the wildest of debauchery, even back in the city, that kind of makes sense.
Her layers drip off her with a careless ease, a bohemian mix of black lace, a velvet dress, and a black fur jacket dragging carelessly along the muddy, leaf-littered ground. There is a soft tinkle as she rocks Caelan side to side, and as she releases him I see her layers of beaded necklaces and amulets.Ah, she is a witch.I probably should have picked that up straight away, but with so much magic around us, it is hard to differentiate between each individual being. Eventually, it all came together in a harmonious symphony.
Her bright violet eyes, smudged with yesterday’s makeup, finally land on me and her red lips spread into a wide, toothy grin. She still has a steady grip on Caelan, her arm looped through his, but her touching him doesn’t break out the white-hot rage that Seff had. There is something distinctly more platonic about her affection.
“And who, my darling,” she continues, never having given Caelan time to respond without a mouthful of hair, “is this gorgeous thing?”
I laugh at her brazen flattery, while Caelan’s cheeks flame red in that way that I love so much. I decide to be kind and save him. “Why thank you! I am Tor Hivercouer.” I give a little bow with extra flourish, picking up her hand and kissing her fingers. Caelan scoffs, rolling his eyes next to me. I swear I hear him muttering something about “kiss ass” under his breath. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Caelan is helping me. We are, uh, on our way to find my brother. He has disappeared, and he was meant to be on his way into the Woods.”
Edith’s eyes pierce right through me and for a brief moment, I can feel her power pressing into my skull, probing. Witches are only humans with borrowed power, but Edith is strong, her breezy laissez-faire attitude at odds with theshrewdness of her assessment. Rather than shove her out, I just smile and let her make her judgement. I have nothing to hide here.
It is more than a heartbeat that we stand, eyes locked on each other, before she blinks and shrugs her shoulder, waving her free hand gracefully. She is wearing fishnet gloves. Well, one anyway. The other seems to be missing.
“A quest, how marvellous. Well, you’re in luck. I have a whole lot of time and nothing to do with it. I’ll join you.”
Caelan clears his throat, looking Edith up and down, from her pointed leather boots, and matching corset over velvet dress and masses of shawls to her mascara-streaked cheeks and twigs stuck in her hair. “Uh, thanks for the offer, Edith, but um. Do you think maybe you need to head home and clean up a bit instead? We have a way to go and you’re not exactly… equipped.”
Edith scoffs, releasing her hold on Caelan’s arm and wrapping her coat around herself. She digs one hand into her pocket, finding a hair clip and a wrapped lolly, which she pops in her mouth. “Absolute nonsense. I’ll be no trouble at all. I even promise not to get between you and your bonded mate, Caelan, my darling. I promise.”
Suddenly it feels like I am standing on the ledge of a very tall building, and I feel a little sick. I turn to look at Caelan next to me and can see my panic mirrored in his ashen expression.
