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“I know,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around me. “I’ll see you soon though, remember?”
We’ve already made plans for her to come visit, although I think deep down both of us hope we can cancel that trip because I’ll already be back, and we won’t need it.
“I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you,” I whisper into her skin. “I miss you already.”
Lis gently eases me back, our bodies still wrapped together as she looks up at me. “We’re going to get through this,” she says, her fingers brushing against my cheek.
“Yes,” I say with a nod, knowing that anything less isn’t an option, as my mouth finds hers in an intense kiss.
Lis kisses me back, the two of us oblivious to everyone around us as we both try desperately to hang onto this moment for as long as possible. I already miss her, and I haven’t even left yet.
“I love you, Nick,” she whispers when we finally pull back.
I lift her left hand to my mouth, kissing first her rings and then the inside of her wrist. “Love you too. I’ll see you soon, okay. I promise.”
Lis nods once, her eyes shining with tears as she pushes up to give me one last kiss before we finally let go of each other and I turn and walk away from her.
Again.
16
ELISSA
Istand there watching Nick make his way over to the security line, stepping back a little so I’m lost in the crowd of fast-moving people around me, but not ready to leave. I can still see him, and I stay, my eyes blurry with tears and I think about how there was a time when people could go all the way to the gate with the traveler, see them off, and right now I long for those days.
If I were able to spend another two hours with Nick, even if it were in an airport, I would do it. Two hours is still two hours together.
But here I am, watching him move through the security line, with each step, he gets farther away from me, my heart breaking with the distance. This feels worse than the first time this happened to us, like I’m reliving it all over again.
It’s different this time though. We have plans to see each other and Nick says this isn’t what he wants. He wants to be back at Badger Creek with me and the baby and all our friends and family. That’s where his life is now, not out ski jumping and training for the Olympics.
My eyes stay trained on him, following him till he goes through security, disappearing into the crowded terminal. And even though I know he’s gone, I don’t leave. Standing there while people blow past me, hustling and in a hurry, but I have nowhere I need to be, no one waiting for me at home like Nick has been for the last several months.
It feels weird.
It feels lonely.
I forgot what it feels like to be alone.
Leaving, I walk back to my car in a haze, my brain a foggy mess of thinking about what just happened and how it has this horrible déjà vu feeling. Last time we separated, angry and broken up, thinking there was no future for us, and now we’re having a baby and begging to be together.
As soon as I close the door to my car, the tears spill from my eyes, flooding out as if they’ve been held back for years.
It’s not like we’re over like last time so I have no idea why I’m crying like this. I have fears that I’ve kept quiet on because I don’t want Nick to think I’m trying to tell him what to do. What if he gets hurt again and we end up in a situation way worse than just knee surgery? What if he can’t get out of his contract and he’s in another country when I go into labor? What if he really does miss jumping and decides to stay?
I don’t speak them out loud, scared if they leave my thoughts, it could make them true. I have to believe in our plan and in the lawyer and Nick’s desire to come home again. But it doesn’t make any of this any easier.
I take in a ragged breath, a sob echoing in the confines of the car just as my phone chimes out in my purse. Reaching for it, I take it out and see Nick’s name on the screen. It’s just a simple text message, but it’s enough.
Nick:Don’t worry, Lis. I’ll be back. I love you.
It’s almostlike he knows I’m sitting here in my car crying, needing the reassurance. I smile at how well he knows me, and I find comfort in the simplicity of his message.
Gathering myself, I wipe at my eyes, letting out a long, slow breath before I start the car, and head home.
It’s going to be weird going home to the house I share with my mom since I’ve spent most of the time at Nick’s parents’ house, getting so used to being there that it almost felt like home. While he told me I can stay there and I know his parents wouldn’t care either, I should be back at my own house. I need to regain some normalcy and remind myself that I can live on my own. I did it the whole time Nick was gone and figured it would be that way until I met someone new. But I never wanted to meet someone new, holding out for Nick to return even though back then it felt like a dream, like it would never happen.
I pull into the driveway of the house I share with my mom, letting out a hard sigh when I remember she’s not going to be home. She had planned a trip with her boyfriend months ago, and told me she would cancel it when she found out Nick was leaving, but I said no. I’m an adult and I will be just fine, even if right now I’m not.
