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"Then why are you here?" Mace asks again with a scoff.
I gently push Mace to the side and step beside him, looking at my friends. "He's my high priest."
Again, the room falls quiet, everyone staring at me. "Bullshit," Morrow says, shaking his head. "Absolute bullshit."
"The draw," Plume says quietly. "You have the draw?"
Zeph nods to his friend, holding his hand over his chest. "The moment I saw her there, it snapped into place."
"Linna was in love with Solarius," Plume says, looking at our friends, "and people thought it was a perversion of the draw."
"Are you saying Zeph acted the way he did because the draw made him think he was in love with Viola?" Mace asks skeptically.
"No, he did what he did because I all but rejected his draw." I look at Tulip, her face stricken. "When he saw me with Mace since I hadn't accepted his draw yet, Zeph perceived it was a rejection. Rejection of a draw can drive a priest to insanity."
"I read it in multiple books, and I still didn't connect the dots," Zeph says quietly. "It wasn't until she rejected me to my face that I realized it." He looks around the room, making eye contact with everyone. "I fucked up. I cannot apologize enough for the pain I caused. Especially you, Tulip," he says, eyes on her. "I will not blame the draw. I made my own decisions. Even if thedraw enhanced those feelings, I could have done more to fight it. I know I will never be able to erase what I did, but I hope one day to earn your forgiveness."
He sighs, collapsing on a threadbare brown couch. He told me about the walking he and Cirrha did today, and I know he is weary from it all. "I don't expect any of you to embrace me with open arms. But the Shadowweaver is my God, and I, her priest. She needs me in this stage of the journey."
Everyone is silent; the only sound is the sporadic dripping of blood from the chair the slain man stays adhered to.
"I have a lot to answer for." When I break the silence, all eyes spin on me. "I fucked up. I know that. And while I don't regret it, I do regret that it caused you fear, pain, and strife. These past two weeks could not have been easy on you."
"Fifteen days," Mace says quietly.
He was counting the days away from me.
"For fifteen days, I didn't know if you were okay. I didn't know if you chose to leave me. To leave us. I didn't know until just a few hours ago." He holds up his arm, where Shadow is wrapped tightly. I stroke the snake's head, and it unwinds, climbing up my arm and resting around my neck.
"Shadowweaver," Morrow says, stepping towards me. "That was fucking stupid."
"Agreed, Morrow."
"But you got the journal?"
I nod, and Zeph pulls the journal from his pocket and hands it to Morrow.
"And not only did you take the closest thing Himureal has to a high priest, but you found your own?"
Another look at Zeph, and I nod my head again.
Morrow sighs, shaking his head, his braids falling into his eyes. "I can't condone you leaving us without a word, but in the end, it seems you made a decision that will work in our favor. As soon as we get the Spring artifact and journal, we will have everything we need to bring back the other Gods."
He pushes past me towards the door, then stops and spins around. "But you were fucking selfish. I don't know the full reasons why you left, and you can bet your ass you're going to tell us fucking everything that happened while you were gone, but that was fucking selfish. Do you even know what that did to Tulip? To Mace?"
I drop my head, for once feeling genuine guilt about my mistakes. "I know, Morrow."
"You don't, though. You don't know the fear and worry. The way they shut down. Do you think any of this," he gestures at the dead body, the blood in the room, "would've been Mace's doing if you had stayed with us?"
"You should've stopped him! I never wanted this for any of you!"
"You should have been here to bear that burden, then! You don't get to leave us and then be upset at the harm it caused!" His voice is raised, and he's angry, snarling. "You're supposed to be our God. Our savior. And you left us. You abandoned us just like the Gods before you."
"I left for you!"My voice is raised now, and I step away from Mace to face Morrow more clearly. "To find out why the banishing happened to begin with. To know once and for all if we were making the right choice."
"You left for you, Shadowweaver!" he yells, getting in my face. "You could have waited for us to ask the other Gods, but you had to hear from Himureal because you are enamored with him!"
"Out of my face, Morrow," I say, stepping toward him and pushing his chest. A credit to his bravery, he does not move. "I had every intention of coming back. Himureal and I did a soulbind that he would tell me everything I needed to know, and I would come to no harm. I thought I covered my bases."
