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I watch the shadows cross his face as the words sink in, the weight of my words settling on him. "No, that's not right. I'm in love with you." He clutches his chest as if searching for a physical tether between the two of us, but of course, he finds none.
How can he not feel it? The moment he stepped into the same space as me it snapped into place, like it had always been there.
I don't know how I missed it when I was here in Ytopie before.
"I found the journal of Solarius' high priest, Linna. She was in love with her God. But it was called a perversion of the bond as if she couldn't separate the feeling of love from the feeling of devotion."
Still, he shakes his head, adamant that I am wrong. "That's not what this is, Viola!" He rises to his feet and begins to pace, pulling at his hair. "I read so many books on this, Viola, I would know if that's what this is. This is love. It has to be. It is all-consuming. All-encompassing. I would do anything for you, Viola."
I lean back on my palms, looking up at him as he frets. "Fine, you don't believe me?" His eyes lock on mine, and I shrug. "Zeph, I reject you. I reject your draw." I'm unsure what words I need to say to make it happen, but those do the trick. He doubles over, hand clutching his chest as if I have stabbed him, a pained cry leaving his mouth. I let him suffer, let the feeling really sink in, before I speak again. "Zeph, I accept your draw. Come back to me, high priest."
With my words, he straightens, the pain gone almost instantaneously.
"Shadowweaver…" he begins, his voice low and reverent.
"Don't. I'm not going to reject you outright, Zeph, but I don't want you as my high priest." I turn my back to him. "Now getthe fuck out of here. I don't want to see you again."
The slag keeps my head fuzzy, and I fade in and out of awareness the longer I'm exposed to it. It brings back unfortunate memories of Colris. This time, the pressure is less focused on my body, but it's all around me. Instead of drowning, I'm treading water.
Which is almost worse.
Because treading water comes with the insidious feeling of hope.
It feels like I could break through this with one solid push, but nothing I am doing is working. I can't even call Shadow to me.
There is no telling how much time has passed since I have been here. Mace is bound to have woken up by now and realized I am gone because Zeph returned with another meal and tried to speak to me some hours ago.
Mace is going to be furious with me.
How am I going to explain this? Despite everything, I felt I knew better and took a risk without calculating the potential outcomes.
I'm a fucking fool.
I lay on the uncomfortable stone bench, staring at the ceiling coated in cobwebs and dust, willing my brain to devise a plan. Instead of its normal noise, it's a refrain of insults, a reminder of how stupid I am.
I'm broken.
I'm reckless.
I'm selfish.
I'm lost, adriftat sea, with no one to blame but myself.
Why didn't I see this coming?
I was so blinded by my desire to have a father figure that I let myself be manipulated by Himureal, and now I am trapped, with no clue what he could possibly have planned for me.
He wants me to be his partner. If that's the case, why lock me up?
Because he doesn't trust me.
I could get out of here if I got him to trust me. I could convince him that I'm ready to rule alongside him, and then once I get out, I can travel to my friends in a shadow vision. That's my only choice here.
But how can I convince him to trust me? It's clear he's hesitant, or he wouldn't have locked me in prison.
Steps sound down the hallway, and the man himself comes into my vision as if my thoughts summoned him to my side. "Daughter," Himureal says, dipping his head. "I'm so sorry. So sorry. I didn't want to do this to you."
I have to breathe through my nose to calm my anger. My nails dig into my palms with the pressure of keeping my cool. "You never gave me the chance, Frostweaver," I say quietly. "You drugged me before you even let me hear the whole story."
