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47
LAILA
As if by unspoken agreement, no one mentions his name.
Not as we load up to leave the hospital. Not as we drive across town with Nina strapped safely into the backseat for the very first time.
Yet, even as Dominik helps me out of the car in the driveway, I look to the house and expect to see him there. It’s the same stupid hope that sparked in my chest any time someone entered my hospital room the last two days.
He wouldn’t justleave.Not now. Not like this.
But it isn’t Arsen who emerges from the house to help his wife and infant daughter inside.
Gedeon smiles like he can see the disappointment plastered all over my face. “Hey, you. Welcome home.”
I don’t respond as Dominik helps Mom out of the car and Gedeon grabs Nina’s car seat. I try not to think about the way I imagined Arsen here instead—carrying Nina over the threshold,the three of us walking into the house for the first time as a family.
Sometime in the last forty-eight hours, I convinced myself that Arsen would be here when we got home, and whatever happened at the hospital would disappear.
But the house feels cold and empty.
The moment we walk inside, I know he isn’t here.
Dominik helps me up the stairs, followed by Gedeon and the car seat. But when Gedeon turns towards our bedroom, I stop him. “I want to go to the nursery.”
There isn’t a single inch of this house that won’t make me think of Arsen, but we both put our hearts into Nina’s nursery. He cares about her—I know he does.
I’d like to be surrounded by the proof.
The second the door opens, Polina leaps out of the rocking chair in the corner. “You’re finally home!” She rushes up and hugs me tightly. “You look wonderful, my dear.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, Polina. I know I look like shit.”
Polina and Mom exchange a glance, but they don’t try to convince me otherwise. It would be a tough sell.
I finally traded my hospital gown for a pair of Arsen’s sweatpants this morning, but I haven’t washed my hair in two days, and I’m still wearing smeared remnants of the makeup I put on to go to that fancy dinner with Arsen.
I gingerly bend down to lift Nina out of her car seat. She fell asleep on the ride over, but her slate blue eyes are open now.
I kiss her round cheek and curl her in the crook of my arm. “Hey, baby girl, what do you think of your room?” I do a slow walk around, letting her see the crib and the art on the walls. “Better than the hospital, huh? Your papa decorated this room for—for?—”
Great, she hasn’t even been home for five minutes and I’m already blubbering in her nursery.
I clear my throat and give up on the sentence. Nina can’t understand me, anyway. But the rest of the household can.
Dominik is lingering in the doorway like he’s torn between coming in or running in the other direction. “Do you need anything else, Laila?”
My husband would be an excellent addition to the current situation, yeah.
“I’m good, Dom. Thanks.”
Dom and Gedeon turn to leave as my mom unzips my hospital bag. She starts folding onesies with shaky hands, and I see Polina clock the tremors at the same time I do.
“I’ll do that, Marie.”
Mom purses her lips, but she doesn’t put up a fight. The dark circles under her eyes explain why. Since Arsen was nowhere to be found, my mom was there with me through the last two sleepless nights. I know it’s been harder on her than me.
“Dom, hold on,” I call, stopping him just outside the door. I turn to my mom. “Let the guys take you down to your room. You need to put your feet up and get some rest.”
