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I nod, chewing on the inside of my cheek as I wait for her to get to the point.
“I’ve decided that I want to travel.” She stares at me, her lips curving. “I always wanted to see the world and never really got the chance to, besides the random business trips with your father. I want to travel the world and I want you to come with me, if you want to.”
I stare back at her, taken aback slightly. “What about the house? What about everything that we have here?”
What about Killian?
A wave of sadness passes through my mother’s eyes. “I don’t have anything here anymore. I mean, I have you and Killian. Jude is living his life and thriving. He doesn’t need me here, but I would still come and visit him.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” I admit quietly, instantly feeling regret, but I just don’t know. It’s such a big decision. A huge fucking move. “What about Killian?”
“He overheard me on the phone earlier today. I don’t want to sell the house just yet and he has no desire to travel right now. He’s going to be staying at the house and making sure things are taken care of while I’m gone.”
My heart pounds erratically in my chest. I can’t fight back the panicked feeling inside. I don’t like being put on the spot like this, especially with such a big decision like this. I feel like I’m finally getting my life together and back on track. I’m starting classes in a few months. I have a job that I like and can’t just up and abandon.
“Honey.” My mom’s voice is gentle as she reaches across the table and takes my hand in hers. “There’s no obligation for you to come with me. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like you have to come. I just wanted to give you the option. I completely understand if you’re not ready for it and if you would rather stay home.”
“Stay home withhim?”
My mother smiles, cocking an eyebrow at me in amusement. “Would that be such a bad thing?”
I swallow roughly, my nostrils flaring as I inhale deeply. “I don’t even know,” I murmur, shaking my head.
“Just think about it, okay?” she says, squeezing my hand before releasing it. “I will respect whatever your decision is.”
Nodding, I grab my glass and take a long sip of my water. My hand shakes as I set it back on the table. She’s leaving and Killian’s staying. And I have to choose.
Do I go with her or do I stay with him?
With my mother, I know that I’m safe. She would never hurt me.
With Killian, I never know what to expect.
THIRTY
KILLIAN
The house is empty and quiet when I get home. Raina told me earlier that she was taking Ainsley out to dinner tonight. I walked in on her on the phone earlier today, speaking to a travel agent about the plans that she was making. She was taking the next year, at least, to go see the world. She offered for me to come, but I politely declined.
Raina had already done so much for me in the short amount of time that I was in her life, even after I fucked it up multiple times. Her offer was generous, but I couldn’t take it. She was more than happy to hear that I would stay at the house while she was gone and make sure that everything was taken care of and handled.
She planned to tell Ainsley about it tonight over dinner. Raina told me that she was going to open the offer to Ainsley too. It made me anxious and nervous. I don’t know what head space she is in right now and whether or not she would accept her mother’s offer.
The thought alone threatened to break me. If Ainsley leaves for an undetermined amount of time, I know that I’ll have to let her go, but fuck. It’s like we would have never even had the opportunity to explore what could be between us now that things are different—now that we are different.
I head upstairs and jump into the shower before they get home. The hot water pounds on my back and I close my eyes, hanging my head in defeat. I know that nothing has been decided yet, but I can’t help but feel like it’s already over.
I’ve had these feelings before and look at what happened to us then. We didn’t have contact for three months. I just now got her back into my life and whether or not she stays hangs in the balance. It’s unsettling, but it’s beyond my control. It’s all up to Ainsley now.
Tonight is my last chance. I didn’t plan on bringing it up with her this soon. She had offered to have lunch with me tomorrow, but it can’t wait any longer. I need to tell her what I have to say. Whether or not she takes it well is left to be determined.
Turning off the water, I step out of the shower, the steam filling the room as it billows through the glass door. I push it shut behind me and wrap a towel around my waist. It doesn’t take me long to dry off and I slip into the pair of boxers and sweatpants that I brought in with me. Grabbing the towel, I give it one last ruffle through my hair and toss it into the hamper before heading out of the bathroom.
Ainsley’s door is hanging wide open, the soft glow of the light on her nightstand illuminating the room. I pause in the hallway, glancing between her room and mine. There’s a hesitation. I don’t want her to feel pressured, but I need to talk to her.
“I know that you’re out there,” Ainsley calls out to me. Her voice is a goddamn haunting melody that was written just for me. It snakes itself around my eardrums and seeps into my soul, pulling me into the depths of her ocean like a siren. “Are you coming in here or not?”
A smile touches my lips, her attitude warming my soul. My feisty fucking ethereal girl. I slip into her room and push the door shut behind me. Ainsley sits up in her bed, raising her eyebrows at me as I drop down onto the bottom of her bed.
