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The entire encounterin the garden didn’t go as I planned, but fuck it. I have to learn how to keep my emotions in check and my dick in my fucking pants. It’s just so hard with her. We’ve fallen into the same cycle that we were caught up in in the past and it’s hard to have her this close but not fully have her. Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but in my mind it does.
She’s so close that I could easily touch her and taste her, but I can’t. I need to at least be more careful with the risks we’re taking. I keep putting her in a precarious situation because I know that my girl won’t say no to me. I’ve been a fucking asshole about it and I really need to get myself in check. She deserves some respect and that’s all that she’s asking.
I need to respect her wishes, even if I don’t fucking agree.
We made sure that when we entered the building, we went in at separate times. Ainsley went back in before me and by the time I got inside and back on the unit, she wasn’t anywhere to be found. I’m not mad at her for it, but I’m more pissed off at myself for having such a lack of fucking control.
Like I told her, I’m a fucking mess. Hell, we’re both a fucking mess, and I don’t even have the right words to describe what that makes us together. A fucking disaster.
I head back to my bedroom, completely forgetting that I had a new roommate until I’m standing in the doorway, watching Ander violently digging his nails into the skin on his arms. He senses me standing there, lifting his eyes as he glances up at me.
“Yo, you’re buggin’ right now.” I smirk, crossing my arms over my chest as I lean against the doorway. I’m mildly amused watching him having a fucking breakdown like this.
“Fuck off,” Ander growls at me as he drops his face into his hands. “Do you think you could like leave or something?”
“And miss this?” My voice is arrogant and sarcastic. I push the door shut and walk over to my bed. “Yeah, I think I’ll stay.”
Ander lifts his head, narrowing his eyes as they meet mine. I watch him as he grabs the phone and the receiver beside him. He picks it up and rising to his feet as he violently chucks it at me. The force rips the jack from the wall and it goes hurling through the air.
I jump to the side, laughing loudly, as I move out of the way of the phone. It hits the wall with a loud crash and falls to the floor as the plastic pieces crack. Ander pushes the chair away from himself, moving around the desk as I smirk at him with a sinister look in my eyes.
“You’re a fucking piece of trash, discarded to the side, just like the rest of us here.”
Ander stalks toward me, not looking nearly as amused as me as his rage completely takes over. I stand upright, squaring up with him as he stops directly in front of me. I don’t bother to raise my hands to protect myself. My arms hang loosely by my sides as I challenge him with my eyes. I’ll let him get the first hit in and I look forward to feeling the pain. Ander’s hand curls into a fist and he throws the first punch, driving his knuckles straight into my jaw.
A crack sounds in the room as my head whips to the side and a splatter of blood flies from my mouth. The pain erupts through my face and I let it embrace me with its jagged edges. Turning my head back and forth, I crack my neck before meeting Ander’s gaze. There’s no holding back now. He picked the wrong motherfucker to fuck with. I hastily wipe the blood from my lips and give him a sinister, bloody grin.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” I warn as I narrow my eyes at him. He doesn’t have the chance to block my hand as I throw the next punch, meeting him square in the side of his head. My rings clash with the side of his head, cutting into the skin on my fingers. Ander is already weak as hell and my fist throws him off balance. He stumbles sideways, crashing into the TV stand and knocking the cable box onto the floor.
Ander pushes off of the wooden stand, kicking the box out of his way as he drives his palms into my chest, shoving me backward. The force from his shove pushes me back into my nightstand. It sets it off balance and the lamp falls onto the floor with a crash. I laugh loudly as I stand upright and begin to stalk back toward him. I needed this really fucking badly and this motherfucker decided to deliver.
“What the hell is going on in here?” Ainsley demands loudly as she bursts through the door. Ander and I both look over at her. Her eyes bounce back and forth between the two of us as she assesses the situation. “Killian, go,” she barks, pointing her finger at the door that hangs wide open.
“I was already leaving,” I sneer, giving Ander the middle finger as I spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor. I stalk out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me with such force, the walls fucking rattle.
My footsteps are heavy as I pace up and down the hallway. Nolan blows past me at one point, heading directly to our room. I don’t acknowledge him and he doesn’t even look at me. I wipe the blood from my mouth as the adrenaline courses through me.
My heart pounds in its cage, my chest rises and falls with every shallow breath. I stop across from the door that leads to my room as reality sets in. I just did the one thing that I thought I was done with. Fighting has done nothing but get me into trouble in the past.
I step backward until my back hits the wall and I slide down onto the floor. Resting my bloody hands against my knees, I drop my face against my palms as I try to catch my breath. This has to work out. I can’t go back to fucking prison again. It was self defense. He hit me first. But the look on Ainsley’s face… fuck.
The door to my room opens, but I don’t bother looking up. There’s no one in that room that I want to face right now, but I know that I’m going to have to explain this to someone. I feel her presence without even looking up at her. And she’s the last one that I want to have to answer to for this.
“Killian.” Ainsley’s voice is fucking stern as hell, like she’s scolding a goddamn child. “What the fuck was that in there?”
I lift my head from my bloody hands, staring up at her as I sit on the floor. “What did it look like? He started that shit, so I fucking finished it.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “I thought you were done with this bullshit? What the hell do you think happens next? You just got into a physical fight with your roommate. What happens if he wants to press charges?”
I scoff, rolling my eyes. “They’ll never stick. I told you, he started that shit. It was merely self defense.”
“So, you didn’t do anything to provoke him?”
A sinister smirk forms on my lips, my expression growing darker as I climb to my feet. “Define provoke.”
Ainsley takes a deep breath, sighing as she closes her eyes and shakes her head. “You can’t get in trouble here, Killian. They won’t keep your ass here if you’re going to act like that and then you know what happens? You go back to jail unless there’s another facility that they can send you to.”
