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“You’d probably be down on Third Ave, sucking dick for whatever you could get your hands on.”
She slows the car, pausing as she punches in the code at the gate. She glances over at me and shrugs with an honest look on her face. We both know that she isn’t wrong.
“What do I do when I piss hot the next time they test us?” I ask her as she pulls down my street, pulling along the street as we reach my house. “It wouldn’t be the first time that it has happened, but there’s no way that they would be cool with that being a regular thing.”
“I’ve been pissing hot since I started in the program. It’s not like they’re going to kick you out. They’re just going to scold you and hopefully it will light a fire under their ass to get you on methadone.”
I reach over for the door handle and open it, pushing the door away from me. Pausing, I turn back to look at her. “Why don’t they have you on anything for maintenance?”
“They do. I just prefer my method more.”
I don’t bother questioning her. Since I don’t really know what her story is, I don’t know that I reserve the right to question her on it. I don’t see how her method could be an effective one because she’s essentially just trading one addiction for another, but who am I to judge? It looks like she’s holding her shit together so whatever works.
I slip out of the car, thanking her before closing the door. Cartier waves through the window as she pulls away. A sigh slips from my lips as I catch sight of my mother already standing at the front door, holding it open for me. My shoulders sag in defeat, but the small box of raisins gives me hope as I walk back toward my prison for the night.
This is all just temporary. I might not be on the right path yet, but I’m at least on a better one. A few pills is better than injecting poison into my system.
A few pills is all it takes to get to that point, though.
That’s exactly what got me here.
TWENTY-FIVE
KILLIAN
I shouldn’t be here.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m really doing here. Lincoln went over to Court and Amethyst’s apartment for the night. Thankfully, they weren’t subjecting me to their sexual endeavors, but leaving me alone was probably the worst thing any of them could do.
It’s not like I can’t handle myself and can’t be alone. But when I’m alone is when my mind races. And then I find myself high, chasing after a ghost.
I stare up at her bedroom window, watching as she sits on the windowsill, staring up at the moon. The embers from the end of her cigarette glow as she takes a drag. My eyes follow the cloud of smoke as she blows small smoke rings into the darkness.
This is further than I went the last time. When Courtland brought me here, I didn’t get out of the car. This time, I parked Ainsley’s car down the street and walked here. Like a fucking creeper, I’m hanging in the shadows from the trees that line the side of the property.
Ainsley stubs her cigarette out on the side of the house, dropping it onto the roof as it rolls down into one of the gutters. I don’t know if Raina knows that she smokes occasionally, but with the way she seems to be trying to hide it, I don’t think that she knows. Either that or Raina has their house locked up like a fortress, there’s no way that Ainsley could possibly get out.
I shift my weight and the sound of a stick breaking under my foot echoes throughout the silence of the night.Fuck.My body falls completely still as Ainsley leans out through the window, her eyes scanning the property.
“Whoever the fuck is out there has a total of five seconds before I call the cops.”
Shit.
She didn’t see me, but she heard me. I don’t know if she’s bluffing, but I can’t take the chance of waiting around to see if she’s serious or not. The last thing that I need is the cops showing up here, especially when I’m creeping around and trespassing.
I keep my footsteps light, making sure that I dodge any other sticks on the ground as I turn around, heading back toward the street.
“Killian?” Ainsley calls out in her singsong voice. The sound of my name on her lips fills the hole in my chest. The emotion is thick in her voice and the way that she says my name like a question, it’s as if she thinks she’s seen a ghost. “Is that you?”
I inhale sharply. I should keep moving, but I don’t. My feet are cemented to the ground and my chest heaves as my heart pounds erratically inside my chest. Very slowly, I turn around, looking up at her window. “Baby girl…”
Her eyes widen as she stares down at me in disbelief. “What are you doing here?” Her voice is laced with pain, cracking around her words.
“I don’t know.” I step out of the shadows, my footsteps quiet on the pavement as I walk along up the driveway, moving closer to the garage. “I know that I shouldn’t be here, but I needed to see you.”
“Why would you need to see me? You’re the one who forced me back here, if you don’t remember what happened.”
Her words sting, sending a knife straight into my heart. “I know. I don’t know. I was just leaving.”
