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My feet carry me over to her and I drop down onto my knees in front of her, taking her face in my hands. Ainsley’s brown irises swirl as she comes back from wherever she went in her head, slowly focusing on my eyes.
“Hi,” she whispers softly as she places her hands over mine. “How did it go?”
“As well as expected.” I slowly stroke her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. “How was your day?”
Ainsley sucks in her lips and shrugs as she looks past me at the TV. “I’m ready to go to sleep.”
Letting her go with a nod, I stand up, turning around to face Courtland. He drove us here, so we’re practically stranded at this point. “Take Amethyst’s bed.” He motions toward one of the doors. “I’ll give you guys a ride back in the morning.”
He walks over to Amethyst, scooping her up in his arms as he carries her into his bedroom without another word. The door slams as he kicks it shut behind him, leaving Ainsley and I in the living room with nothing but the soft glow from the TV.
“You want to go to her room?” I ask her, shifting my weight nervously. There’s a solemness to her and it throws me off balance. This isn’t my normal Ainsley. I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was couldn’t have been good.
Ainsley shrugs again. “Can we just sleep out here instead?”
I nod, moving to the longer part of the couch as I rearrange the pillows and grab a blanket. Ainsley slowly climbs to her feet and walks over to me, settling down on the cushions beside me, lying with her head on my chest as I lie on my back. I gently stroke her hair, listening to her breathing slow as she relaxes.
“What happened today, baby?” I ask her quietly. “What’s got you down?”
I feel her throat against my chest as she swallows. “You know when it feels like nothing can go right and the world just keeps working against you?” She pauses for a moment, mulling over her thoughts. “I feel like shit because you’re doing something to try and bring in some money and I’m just sitting here like a fucking potato.”
“You don’t have to do anything, Ainsley.” I hold her tighter, burying my nose in her hair as I breathe in her scent. “I told you that I would handle everything. We’ll figure all of this out.”
“I don’t want you to handle everything. I can help too, I just feel pretty hopeless right now.”
The depression is thick and heavy in her voice. I don’t know what to say or do to lift her spirits. And maybe there isn’t anything that I can actually do. Perhaps this is beyond her and me. It’s something much bigger that has been plaguing her mind for quite some time. She always buried it with drugs, but now it’s resurfacing. Not even the drugs can silence her demons anymore.
My mind drifts back to my conversation with Raina. The way that she begged me to bring Ainsley home. How badly she wants to take care of her daughter.
I’m beginning to wonder if maybe there isn’t anything that I can do for her.
It’s time to take her home, back to where she belongs—away from all this bullshit.
Ainsley needs help and I can’t fucking give it to her.
ELEVEN
AINSLEY
I’m caught in a trance-like state as we walk up the familiar steps and onto the landing in front of Grace’s apartment. Killian didn’t push the issue last night, but I know that this depression that I’m settling into is starting to affect him. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s nothing that is right or wrong right now. I just don’t fucking care anymore. I hate this, I hate this life. I fucking hate it all.
After all of the drugs that I tried to try and escape my mind, I thought that heroin was the answer. Now, it doesn’t do a goddamn thing. After that initial euphoric rush wears off, the noise is just so loud. It drowns everything else out.
I’m at war with my mind and my mind is winning.
Killian pounds on Grace’s door after she doesn’t answer from the first knock. She warned us about what we needed to do if we wanted to stay there. I guess us leaving and taking all of our shit gave her an answer, even though it wasn’t the answer we intended on giving her.
“What the fuck is all the banging?” Lincoln pokes his head through his door. “Some of us are trying to sleep here.”
“Grace isn’t answering.” Killian’s voice is terse and clipped.
Linc rolls his eyes. “I told you guys to take the other bedroom in here. Come the fuck inside already so I can go back to bed.”
Killian glances down at me as if he’s looking for my approval. I don’t have any to give him because I could care less what happens now. I don’t want him to be sleeping on the streets, but I deserve it. I deserve much worse.
I don’t even deserve to be breathing the same air as him anymore.
