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The words stumble out. “I killed her.”
CHAPTER 24
CALLIOPE
My body istight as a fist, all the muscles locking up as the hair stands on my arms and nape. Dizziness washes over me and the only word I can manage while I try to blink it away is whispered. “What?”
“I killed her. I was driving her home and passed out at the wheel. I hit a ditch, rolled the truck, and she didn’t survive.”
It takes a few seconds for his confession to sink in and relief to loosen the grip of terror that’s binding me. “A car accident? I don’t understand. I heard you on the phone with her.”
He nods, hanging his head as he continues. “You heard me talking to her voicemail. It’s the only way I can apologize. Her death destroyed their family. Her father died of a stroke weeks later from the stress of it. Her brother buried himself in drugs and ended up doing years in prison. Her mother…” His voice cracks. “Is a shell of herself.”
His guilt is palpable, thickening the air around us. “Were you drunk? High? Driving recklessly?”
“No.”
“I don’t understand.” I understand he’d feel responsible but not why Melody’s brother would want revenge if it was an accident. “If it wasn’t your fault?—”
“It was,” he interrupts, getting to his feet. “I need a drink. Then I’ll tell you everything.”
My mind is spinning while he retrieves a bottle of whiskey and a glass. I thought his quiet, sometimes sad demeanor was from heartbreak, from pining for an ex. Not this.
He pours his whiskey and takes a swallow, keeping his gaze on his glass as he begins. “I met Melody at a bar in Chicago. She was visiting with a few friends and so was I. We all went bar hopping and she ended up back at my hotel. We kept in touch afterward when she returned to Paducah. I’d drive down to see her and vice versa over the next six months. We had a lot of fun and she suggested I move near her so we could be together. My art career was going well, but I was at loose ends, looking for a change, and on a whim, I decided to go.
“We became a couple and things were good for a while, but the feelings just…didn’t grow. I liked her, cared about her, but I wasn’t in love. It wasn’t the same for her. She loved me, and I hated to break her heart. I kept putting it off, hoping my feelings would change but they didn’t. I broke up with her at a little coffee shop we both liked. She wanted to take a taxi back to her place, but she was so upset, and I didn’t want her to leave like that. I convinced her to let me take her home.”
He drains his glass and refills it. About a hundred questions beat in my head, but I bite my tongue to keep quiet and let him finish.
“I don’t remember the crash. One second I was driving, the next I was on the ground with an EMT staring down at me. When I couldn’t tell them anything, they took me to the hospital and scanned my head, though I hadn’t hit it. I wasn’t even hurt, really, just a few bruises and scrapes from the broken glass. They took my blood and urine to see if I was drinking or doing drugs. The urine came back clean—I didn’t even smoke weed at that time—but the blood test would take longer.”
Tears fill his eyes, and he shakes his head, averting his gaze again. “It wasn’t until hours later when the cop came to arrest me in the emergency room that I found out Melody had died.”
The knot in my throat is instant. I close the distance between us to sit beside him on the couch, taking his hand. “I’m so sorry.” He presses his lips together and squeezes my hand. “How could they arrest you if you weren’t impaired?”
“The officer was convinced I must’ve taken something or was drinking. The prosecutor agreed and charged me with vehicular manslaughter. He was sure it’d show up when the tests came back, which could take a few weeks. I had no other explanation for what had happened. I had no record of seizures or anything and had never fainted before. I spent two days in jail and Dad came to bail me out. One of the conditions of that release was house arrest since my money made me a flight risk.”
He pauses to sip the whiskey and lets me take it when I reach for his glass. I don’t care for whiskey, but if there was ever a day that called for it, this is it. It burns down my throat, blooming warm in my stomach. “Did you stand trial?”
“No. I found a good lawyer, who insisted on a battery of medical tests. It was the only time I was allowed to leave my apartment. The blood tests from the night of the crash came back negative and while the prosecutor was searching for some other reason, trying to show I must’ve been speeding or looking at my phone, a cardiologist found the true explanation. I had fainted. The prosecutor had to drop all charges, and I had heart surgery to repair my mitral valve.”
“Arlow,” I breathe, unable to resist embracing him any longer. “I’m so fucking sorry you went through all that.”
He wraps his arms around me and cups the back of my head. “Don’t. Don’t be upset for me. That’s not why I’m telling you this. You deserve to know why your life is being disrupted. Melody’s brother spent a year doing the same sort of thing we’re dealingwith now. Vandalizing my truck and apartment, following me, threatening me. He went downhill fast with addiction, and it didn’t stop until he went to prison on drug charges. I don’t know for sure that he’s the one doing this, but he was released only a few months ago and he still has every reason to despise me.”
Sitting back, I look him in the eye. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for a heart condition.”
“No, but if I’d broken up with her earlier when I knew things weren’t going to work out, or waited even one more day, or let her take the damn taxi, she wouldn’t have been with me. I wouldn’t have broken her heart and then killed her minutes later.” The shuddery breath he takes makes my tears overflow again. “Nobody knows that. I’ve never told a soul. I was too ashamed. I let everyone believe I lost my girlfriend that day, not an ex. I couldn’t bear to admit I hurt her and then destroyed her.”
God, he’s blaming himself for so much that was out of his control. My voice is firm as I take his hand again. “I want you to listen to me.” When he looks down, I slide my hand under his jaw and lift his gaze to mine. “What happened to Melody is tragic and what you went through was horrible, but you didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t force yourself to love someone. You were honest with her. You were doing the right thing in letting her go, and trying to make sure she got home safe when you knew she was upset. You didn’t know what was going to happen. No one could have. None of that was your fault.”
His expression reflects so many emotions before he lays his hand over mine. “You see the good in people no matter how deeply you have to look.”
He has no idea how wrong he is about that, but that’s a conversation for another day. “You’re the kindest man I’ve ever met, and I didn’t have to look deep for that.”
We sit together for a while in silence, occasionally passing the glass of whiskey back and forth for a sip. “Will you tell me what you’re thinking?” Arlow murmurs, the alcohol making itself known in his soft rumbly voice.
A small smile appears at the sound of my chuckle. “I was thinking that this has been the longest day. It feels like a week has gone by since I was at the library this morning or the gym this afternoon. Then the hospital with Silver and everything with the cabin. Time is funny, how it stretches.”
