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“I’m…pretty busy…working on some projects.”
His sigh makes me feel terrible. “We miss you, Arlow. Your mom needs to see you. We’ll be passing through your area to pick up one of your mom’s friends in Tennessee this weekend. We’d love to visit if you can set aside a night for us.”
I miss them too. It’s been too long. “Of course, Dad. I’d love to see you. Come and stay the weekend.”
His tone lightens considerably as we talk for a few minutes about their new kittens and how things are going. There’s no reason to tell him about the trouble we’ve had here since nothing has happened the past few weeks and there’s nothing they can do except worry. They’ve had enough worry in their lives over me.
By the time we hang up, it’s time to go to Calli’s. Unlike Calli, I’m not anxious in social situations. I just don’t have much desire to be around people. I’m happier alone. At least, I thought I was. Calli grabbed the cooler earlier, so I tuck the weed in my pocket, pick up the beer, and head across the driveway.
They’ve set up the portable campfire pit behind her cabin and dragged the picnic table over near it. Lawn chairs also circle the fire. The grill sits nearby, being watched over by one of the guys. Calli introduces me to everyone, and I join them at the fire.
Everybody is clearly buzzed and happy. “We were just comparing stories of the most piece of shit cars we’ve ever driven,” Calli says, nodding toward Silver to continue after my appearance interrupted them.
“My first one was a real beater I bought used. I drove that thing into the ground. It was more rust and dents than car. Had to keep oil in the trunk because it ate it up like crazy. It drove okay for a few months then it stopped wanting to get into first gear. So, I’d be stuck at every light while it whined and revved until it would jump into gear and try to give me whiplash. I couldn’t afford to get it fixed so I drove it that way for another two months until the transmission failed completely. My friends thought it was hilarious and they’d do that thing where they rock back and forth like that might get the car moving, but I’m sure the drivers behind me were seriously disgruntled.”
The light laughter is interrupted by Freya. “Did you guys know gruntled is a word? It means happy. Why do we say disgruntled but never gruntled? I’m going to start using that.”
“You do that,” Calli laughs. “My dad had a car with no reverse gear. My brother was a teenager then and living with him and it became his job to ride with him and push the car out of every parking spot or any situation where he had to back up. Watching my brother try to get him in and out when he had to parallel park in front of my place used to make me almost pee myself laughing. I wish I’d taken a video of it.”
Watching Calli laugh and talk with her friends, seeing her happiness, wipes away all the dark clouds the last few weeks have gathered. Everyone is cool, and after we eat, I pass out the edibles I brought.
Calli refuses and she also hasn’t been drinking anything stronger than tea tonight. She looks over at me when I sit in the chair next to hers and hold out a joint. “I thought you might want something that won’t put you on the ground.”
She beams at me as she accepts it. “Thanks, I’ve had enough alcohol over the last couple of weeks and we both know edibles aren’t always my friend.”
An hour later, everyone is stuffed full of delicious food, stoned, and scattered around the fire. Freya lays on the picnic table, looking up at the sky, and Calvin calls over to her.
“Are you okay over there, Miss I Can Handle Two Gummies?”
Freya turns to face us, and everyone laughs at the size of her cheesy grin. “I amgruntled.”
Calli’s friends are fun, but I’ll be glad to get her to myself again.
CHAPTER 22
CALLIOPE
Arlow isa little quiet at first, but he loosens up and fits right in with my friends. He and Leo end up in a long conversation about a series of fantasy books that I haven’t read. Silver also seems to be having a good time. You never know what introducing two friend groups will be like and I couldn’t be happier with how it went.
It’s late and Silver is lying on the picnic table beside Freya, in the middle of a drunken rant against love that’s turned into a debate over whether love is bullshit. “All I’m saying is that we automatically see love as this wonderful thing but what if it isn’t? What if it’s just another thing used to control the masses? More propaganda we’re fed to guilt us into toeing the line. Join the military and sacrifice yourself for the love of your country. Love your husband enough to destroy your body to give him kids. Love your kids enough to sacrifice your dreams to raise them.”
Helen leans over to me and whispers, “Is she okay?”
With a nod, I whisper back. “Bad recent breakup.”
“Nobody forces us to do any of that,” Freya points out.
Silver props herself up on her elbow to look at her. “That’s true, but we’re taught from the very beginning that love is themost important thing. If you don’t love, you’re a psychopath or sociopath. You’re not a good person.”
I can’t resist chiming in. If there’s one thing I’ve overthought into oblivion it’s being a good person. “I don’t think loving necessarily makes you a good person. I’m sure most horrible people still love their family.”
“I can vouch for that!” Cal announces, sitting up. “I’m a shit human being but I love my family.”
Giggles run around the group as I reach over to fist bump Calvin. “Hey! Bad people club unite.”
“You aren’t a bad person,” Arlow says, like the idea offends him. It’s the first time he’s spoken up in a while.
He has no idea who I am underneath years of training myself not to be like my mother. My first thoughts were always negative and judgmental. It wasn’t until my late teens that I realized I was going to become the person I hated if I didn’t take a good look at my own behavior. I don’t want to be hateful or bitter. “Okay, but what if I said that I judge people that haveonly god can judge metattoos just to prove them wrong?”
