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By the time I get home, it’s late, and the house is dark and quiet. I change into my pajamas and settle into bed, but sleep is the furthest thing from my mind. Instead, I find myself getting up and walking over to the window, pulling the curtain aside to look out at Wade’s house next door.
It’s dark, just like mine, and that only makes the worry gnaw at me even more. I stand there for what feels like hours, staring at the silent house, willing him to call me, to let me know that everything is okay. But the phone never rings.
Finally, I give up, crawling back into bed and pulling the covers up to my chin. I close my eyes, trying to shut out the anxiety that’s been building inside me all day, but it’s no use. My mind keeps replaying every moment of our lunch, every word that was said, every silence that followed.
And as the darkness of the night presses in around me, I can’t help but wonder if this is the beginning of the end. If the man I’ve fallen in love with is slipping away, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
SIXTEEN
Wade
I knowI’ve been avoiding her. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I can’t seem to help it.Every time I think about Auden, about us, my mind spirals into a tangled mess of what-ifs and maybes, and I end up retreating into myself, lost in thought. It’s easier that way. Or at least, it feels like it should be easier.
But in reality, it’s not.
Avoiding her is tearing me apart. I see the hurt in her eyes when I’m distant, and it kills me because I know I’m the reason she’s feeling that way. I know I need to talk to her, to be honest about everything, but every time I try to summon the courage, the fear creeps in. What if I say the wrong thing? What if this conversation is the one that ends it all?
I’ve never been good at talking about my feelings, especially when it comes to someone I care about as much as I care about Auden. I’m scared. Scared of messing things up, scared of losing her, scared of admitting just how much she means to me because once I do, there’s no going back.
But I can’t keep avoiding her forever. I know that. I need to face this, to face her, and figure out what we’re doing. What the future holds for us… if there even is a future.
I’m heading over to see Ray, my foster dad, hoping that maybe he can help me sort through this mess in my head. He’s always been good at that, listening without judgment, offering advice when I need it, and giving me a swift kick in the ass when I’m being an idiot. Right now, I’m pretty sure I need all three.
I’m just about to step off my porch when I see her. Auden. She’s walking up the path to my house, her expression determined, but I can see the worry in her eyes. My stomach twists with guilt. I’ve been so caught up in my own head that I haven’t considered how my actions might be affecting her. I should have reached out sooner. I should have done a lot of things.
“Wade,” she calls out, her voice laced with a mixture of relief and frustration as she approaches. “We need to talk.”
There it is. The moment I’ve been dreading. But I can’t avoid it any longer. I nod, forcing myself to stay calm, even though my heart is pounding in my chest.
“Yeah, we do,” I say quietly, meeting her gaze.
She stops in front of me, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why have you been so distant these last few days? Did I do something wrong?”
Her question cuts through me like a knife. She thinks this is her fault, and that’s the last thing I want her to believe.
“No, Auden, you didn’t do anything wrong,” I say quickly, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “It’s me. I’ve just… I’ve been lost in my own head, trying to figure things out.”
“Figure what out? Is it about what Mitch said? Cause he’s an idiot, and you shouldn’t listen to a word he says,” she says, her voice softer now, but still tinged with hurt.
I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “Us. The future. What it all means. I care about you so much, and that scares the hell out of me because I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you.”
She blinks, clearly taken aback by my honesty. “Wade, I’m scared too. But avoiding me isn’t going to make it any easier. If anything, it’s just making it worse.”
“I know,” I say, my voice heavy with regret. “I know I’ve been an idiot. I just… I didn’t know how to handle all of this. I’ve never felt this way before, and it’s overwhelming.”
Auden takes a step closer, her gaze softening as she reaches out to touch my arm. “You don’t have to handle it alone, Wade. We’re in this together. But I need you to talk to me, to let me in. I can’t do this if you keep shutting me out.”
Her words hit me hard because she’s right. I’ve been shutting her out, and it’s not fair to either of us. But even as I recognize that, the fear is still there, gnawing at the edges of my resolve.
“I’m sorry, Auden,” I say, my voice cracking slightly. “I’m sorry for everything.”
She looks up at me, her eyes full of emotion, and I can see that she’s trying to understand, trying to be patient, but there’s a sadness there too, a sadness that I’ve put there.
“I don’t want to lose you, Wade,” she whispers, and the vulnerability in her voice nearly breaks me.
“You won’t,” I say, stepping closer and taking her hands in mine. “I promise, you won’t. But… I need some time to sort through all of this. I need to figure out how to get my head straight so that I can be the man you deserve.”
She pulls her hands away, a flash of hurt crossing her face, and my heart sinks.
