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I hug her while clumsily performing a happy dance.“One of the terms I put in the contract is my ability to hire an animator at a competitive salary. If you want to job, it’s yours!”
“Besties for life!” She jumps up and down, bringing me with her. “Tell me everything.” For the next hour Jazzy peppers me with questions. “I’m so happy and don’t even care that people will talk mess about me using connections to get a job.”
“This is how we rise up. My success is your success.” I raise an invisible glass in tribute to her.
“Let’s celebrate,” Cameron says. “My treat.”
Jazzy and I share a glance and high five.
* * *
I openthe door to let Khadijah in.
“Hey Kenya, is Cam upstairs?”
I nod and watch her run up the steps with a sinking feeling in my gut. Almost every day Khadijah stops by and locks herself in the guest room with Cameron. At first, their private conversations didn’t bother me. They’re close siblings. I know this, but my feelings changed the first day I heard him playing the drums.
The last time we talked about his playing, he withdrew from me. I accepted his reaction because it was part of his reason for running away from his problems. But something changed and renewed his love for playing. Whatever that something is doesn’t include me.
I contemplate going upstairs, not to eavesdrop but to strategically place myself close to the door in case their conversation can be heard in the hallway.
Stop doing this to yourself!
Ha!As if I have sufficient self-control to be reasonable. I step onto the first stair.
“Kiwi, did I hear Khadijah’s voice earlier?” Jazzy’s voice causes me to jump and swing around, almost tripping over myself.
“What? Oh, yes, Khadijah is here. She went up to see Cameron. Why? Is there something you need her for?”
Jazzy eyes me with suspicion. “First off, calm down. Second, she invited me to go shopping with her.”
“That sounds fun.”
She shrugs. “Shopping kills two birds with one stone. I get to take my mind off Greg and give you and Cameron some space.”
“Does that mean you’re ready?” Khadijah says as she descends the stairs.
“I am.” Jazzy secures her purse over her arm and turns to me. “While we’re out, please do all the nasty things I would do.”
“Not something I need to hear about my brother.” Khadijah pushes Jazzy out of the door while shaking her head.
Having Jazzy in the house this past week hasn’t caused any problems, but I appreciate her thoughtfulness, considering I’ve been using her. I mill around downstairs and eventually end up in the sunroom. Jackpot leaps into my lap. Her purring usually calms me, but my mind races with everything left unsaid between Cameron and I.
I’m no closer to figuring out what I feel for him or how to broach the subject that I never talk about with anyone. I want to tell him so much and the words are so damn close to the surface they nearly choke me with their eagerness to escape. Yet every time I open my mouth, something stops me.
Be honest with yourself, Kenya!
With Khadijah’s recent visit, I can’t deny the truth any longer.Istop myself from telling him everything. I can’t seem to open up this one corner of my life to him knowing that he is handling his issues without me. As bad as it makes me as a person, if his journey was a solitary one, I could accept the hours he locks himself away to play his instrument.
What does it mean when he doesn’t let me in? Does he really see me as someone he sees being with long term? And what does it say about me that I need him to open up to me before I can do the same?
I know I sound petty and small, but I can’t seem to move on from knowing Cameron hasn’t shared his problems with me. His progress is a positive sign and I should be happy for him. I am happy for him.
Regardless of my feelings, there’s one thing I can’t deny. For a hobbyist, Cameron has amazing talent.
“There you are.” Cameron’s entrance startles me and causes Jackpot to send him a baleful glare. “You must be in deep thought. I’ve been calling your name.” He plops beside me.
“Something wrong?” I ask, silently hoping he will finally tell me what it is I desperately want to know.
