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By the time I catch up to her, she’s rummaging through various sketches. I snatch the drawings out of her hands. “One, I didn’t draw these. And two, you can’t be in here.” I drag her from Kenya’s sanctuary and to the keyboard I set up.
“Yeah, I figured you would never draw yourself this way.” As if from thin air, Khadijah produces a portrait of me.
It’s not one that I’ve seen before. If I had, I doubt I could have hidden how looking at the way she sees me punches me in the gut. Kenya’s skill is evident in each line and curve. I feel exposed and vulnerable and I’m sure my current expression mirrors the image in front of me.
“I’m guessing the artist is a woman.”
“How…” I take the illustration with care.
“Who other than a woman deep in her feelings could draw you so lovingly and accurately?”
Khadijah’s words spark a hazy recollection that I think are from a dream, but could be before I fell asleep.
“Too bad she thinks I’m no good for her.” I return the drawing to her office.
“That’s bullshit,” Khadijah says as she follows me. “And you know it. I can’t believe you are letting her think this nonsense.” She circles around me, grabs my arms, and stares fiercely into my eyes. “Where’s the Cameron who helped me find and achieve my dreams? I know you don’t let any old Theresa, Donna, or Hilary in, but make more of an effort. Not even your groupies see you for who you are, and they straight stalk you.”
“Kenya isn’t a groupie.”
“I know.” She points toward the picture I put back. “No groupie could capture your essence. What she is, is either blind or in denial. It’s your job to make her see you beyond her canvas.”
I drop into the chair and hang my head over my knees. “You don’t understand. I made a horrible first impression where she blames my bad influence for acting out of character. I’ve been trying to reset things, but nothing is working.”
“Wait, you only moved here less than a week ago. How are you this far gone over this woman?”
“I can’t explain it. I just know that when I’m with her, I hear music again. And when I make her smile, my chest aches, but in a good way. Like I’m so full that the happiness literally wants to burst out of my chest.” I press a hand over my heart at the emptiness there.
Khadijah finger combs my hair. The soothing gesture reminds me of the first couple of years after I moved in with her family. When her parents told us to go to bed, I’d lie awake and shaking, wondering when my mom and dad would force me into the basement again.
Those nights were bearable because of Khadijah. She found me and rested my head in her lap. In the silence while I struggled with my fear, she combed her fingers through my hair until I stopped shaking. Then she would sing her favorite songs to me.
Like back in the day, she starts by humming. I instantly recognize the notes from the song,Lethal Sex, that put me on this path to meet Kenya. Surprisingly, the hurt from just a few days ago isn’t as acute. How can it be when Kenya’s rejection eclipses it?
“Wait just a damn minute.” Khadijah unceremoniously pushes my head back. “Are you pining for this Kenya woman while sleeping with someone else? Or are you trying to distract me from the reason I’m here?”
“Be serious Deej. You know me better than that. I came from Kenya’s house, but we never slept together. Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“Oh… And all this is what?” She waves her hand to encompass Kenya’s office space.
I explain the scheme Kenya’s grandmothers are trying to enact which causes Khadijah to chuckle.
She none too gently pulls my head toward her to resume finger combing my hair, ignoring my glare at my mistreatment. “You only have yourself to blame if I jumped to the wrong conclusion.” Khadijah surveys the office with new eyes.
In the silence I replay everything that happened yesterday.
“My brother, if her grandmothers, who she loves, love you, what is her deal? You’re leaving something important out.”
I push her hands away with a glare, but her words make me reconsider my knee-jerk anger. “Maybe I haven’t given it my all because I haven’t been completely honest with her about what I do.”
“Great way to start off any relationship, I say. With a lie.”
“By omission only.”
“When will you learn?”
“Only with a healthy dose of your intervention, apparently.”
She sighs deeply. “One good thing will come from my visit at least. I’m enlisting on team Cameron to help you get the girl. Now, do you know where she is?”
