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“I’m going to grab a condom.”
He starts to roll off me, but I grab his arm and hold him in place.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m on the pill. I need you as close to me as possible.”
He hesitates, clearly wrestling with something.
Wesley and Phillip are beyond content with the lack of barrier between us, but Jamie has always been hesitant.
I know it’s not because of an STD—I’ve seen his test results. So it must be for some other reason.
Maybe he just doesn’t trust only the pill.
Or maybe it’s because he’s been lying to you and seeing someone else.
I shut down the wicked little voice in my head and focus back on the man in front of me. If I’m not mistaken, there’s some anxiety in his eyes.
“Hey, you can still use one if you want to. I won’t be upset. I would never want to make you uncomfortable. All I want is for you to feel as safe with me as I do with you. Whatever you choose is okay.”
Jamie brushes the hair off my face. “You are an exceptional woman.” Then after a moment, he asks, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Yes.”
I wrap my legs around his waist as he eases into me. We both gasp at the sensation of having nothing at all between us.
We cling to each other as he thrusts into me, and I’m no longer sure where he ends and I begin.
This feels so fundamentally different from anything I’ve experienced. It’s like I’m everywhere and nowhere all at once.
When we finally come together, there are nail marks in his back and a light mist of tears across my eyes.
“Hey,” he says, touching my cheek, “what’s this about?”
“I… It felt so… I was…”
Jamie tucks me against his side. “I felt the same way, Julia.”
A bottomless pit opens in my stomach, and I shove away from him hard.
I told you he was seeing someone else. I told you this was all too good to be true, and you didn’t listen.
The mean little voice is back and too loud to ignore.
“Who the fuck is Julia?” I demand.
24
AVERY
I’m expecting an explanation.
A few moments pass.
He’s just lying there frozen on the bed.
A few tears roll down his face.
Now I’m waiting for a denial or some flimsy excuse.
