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Chapter 1
I seriously don’t give a shit. I haven’t for a while. My heart is dead and has been since Lana walked out on me a month before our wedding. She disappeared without a trace: no texts, no phone calls, no emails. I don’t know where she went, and she obviously doesn’t want to be found.
I know it was mostly my fault. I couldn’t stop. I was so immersed in building my company and became complacent, thinking that her love would always be there. I didn’t see what was right in front of my face. She was unhappy. The sex was phenomenal, and she was everything I desired, but she wasn’t first in my life, and that stark fact is what drove her away.
I had a mistress, and it was Eltech, my software business. I would fuck it for hours a day, sometimes as much as eighteen. When I came home, I had little left to give to Lana. I was disconnected from her emotionally, always worrying about the next deal or the next project. I’d taken so many phone calls during our lovemaking that it was a wonder she stayed around as long as she did.
In the end, she took her things and left without telling me. I came home one day, and every trace of her was gone. I half expected to see her sprawled out on our king-sized bed, in one of my t-shirts or naked as she loved to do. But she was gone, and all that was left of her was a note telling me how I failed her.
When I went to the bathroom, her personal items were no longer on the counter. The same counter that I bitched about a few days earlier because it was filled with too many bottles and tubes of items that would make her look beautiful. She didn’t need any of them.
Lana had natural beauty, and it was what drew me to her. The times I was most turned on by her was when she was freshly scrubbed from a shower. No hair products, not a stitch of makeup on her face. Her skin was creamy smooth, like porcelain except for a few stray freckles that littered her nose and cheeks.
She had a beautiful mane of auburn hair that reached the middle of her back and deep chocolate-colored eyes. I could get lost in them and sometimes did. During our lovemaking, I insisted that she keep them open even when her ecstasy would cause them to shut. I needed to see her emotion. It was what linked us.
In the end, I knew I failed her. Her loss was devastating and has set me on the path that I am on now. Alone. Fucking women who look like her, but they’re not her; no one will ever be her. I need her. When I dream of Lana, I wake with a deep gnawing in my belly.
Eltech is no longer my mistress; I have people that take care of her. She’s thriving, and I’m richer than I ever thought I would be. But I’m bankrupt, emotionally. I hide it well, and few can notice my pain.
Five years earlier
Everything is working out. I finally got the investment money I needed to expand my business. Now Eltech, my software company, is on the verge of becoming relevant. With several projects in the works, we can finally expand into the lucrative gaming market. Until now, we’ve only had a couple of games, and I moved right into the educational market. It’s time to move back.
A few of my friends are taking me out to celebrate. My sister, Paige, is coming to visit me and hang out. She just graduated from USC and is on the fence whether to go back to New York or stay in California. The Butlers are finally coming into their own. I know I need to watch out for her with her petite figure, soft greenish-blue eyes, and dark brown hair, she can damage a lot of hearts.
My friend, Grace, hugs me and plants a soft kiss on my lips. If I didn’t love her so much, I would take her to bed. She’s sort of my type with flowing sandy colored hair and crystal blue eyes. Her petite body is more athletic than I like, but her breasts are perfect. I once saw them in the flesh one drunken night when we went skinny dipping on a trip to the Jersey shore. But besides some incidental touching, nothing happened.
“Can I get you a drink,” she says.
“Let me buy you a drink. The others should be here soon.”
The bar, Clancy’s, is packed and full of people ready for the weekend. Some are just coming from the office, and others have changed into casual clothing for Friday night celebration. I love Manhattan in the summer. I slip on my sunglasses and women watch. It’s the best time of year to do it when most people are wearing as little as possible to escape the sometimes oppressive heat.
We’re waiting for a couple of my buddies, Miguel Solano, who owns a couple of brownstones and is a trust fund kid. He’s worse than I am when it comes to women, sleeping with several each week. With his boyish dark looks, he tells me he doesn’t need to worry about settling down. There will always be a warm body next to him.
My other friend, Harry Easton, works as a vice president for a hedge fund. He lives in a penthouse on the Upper West Side. He’s handsome in a geeky kind of way, but women flock to him as much as they do Miguel. They love his slicked back blonde hair, hazel eyes, and designer suits. Paige has a thing for him, but I nixed that and told him she’s off-limits.
When everyone arrives, we find a table towards the back. I was finishing off a deal today and didn’t eat, so I’m starving.
“Anyone want to join me for some finger foods?”
“I could eat,” big surprise because Harry is always hungry.
Miguel ignores me as he scopes out the throngs of single women. He has a particular type, curvy, dark, and sassy. He said that a woman with a mouth makes for more fun in bed. I disagree. I prefer to take control though I would give it up to a degree for the right woman.
Right now, I don’t care about hooking up. I need to get some food in me, and I raise my hand as our waitress heads towards us.
“What can I get for you, sugar?”
“Two orders of crab puffs, an order of lobster mac and cheese, boneless teriyaki wings, two orders of Angus sliders, one with cheese and bacon-wrapped scallops. Also, a round of drinks for the table.”
The waitress snaps her gum as she types the order into the tablet she’s carrying, her hot pink nails clicking as they tap the screen. When she has it all, she nods and walks away.
“That was pleasant,” Paige says.
“Who cares. She has a hot ass,” Miguel chimes.
“Is that all you care about?” I ask.
