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Chapter 9
The next morningAva woke to rain against the window of their room. She looked outside and saw that it was steadily falling. Rachel was still asleep in the bed next to hers, and she quietly went about the room. She wanted to go for a morning run and slipped on her running gear. She took her jacket to the porch of the inn and put the hood up before she ran out from under the overhang. Her slow run became a fast jog and headed towards the river. She didn’t hear the footfalls behind her until she entered the park. Arms grabbed her, and she screamed in fear, trying to break away and run faster. The arms held steadfastly and turned her as they slowed together.
“It’s me. Calm down.”
She pushed out of his arms. “Don’t touch me. You gave up that right when you abandoned me.”
Xander looked as if she had slapped him. “I deserve that. And you’re right; we aren’t even friends. I’m sorry.”
“For what? Leaving me? Lying to me? Being dishonest? Tearing my heart to shreds?”
“For all of it. I’m sorry I did this to you. To us. I saw Rachel yesterday, and we had a long talk. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I don’t know. You tore me apart. Did you know?”
Xander looked at her puzzled, “Know what?”
“We lost two babies that night, our twins. I can’t have children. When you left, I was delivered three losses, you and our babies. Do you know how painful it was for me to go through that alone? It was worse than the injuries.”
Xander hung his head because he knew she had suffered. He made a snap decision based on a promise he made to himself when he was fighting for her life.
His voice softened. “Do you know why I left? I left because I made a promise to myself.”
“What was the promise?”
“That if you were able to come back, that I would leave you, that you would be better off without me. It would never have happened if I had been honest with you. When you died in that field, I lost my mind. I did CPR on you until the paramedics came. When they got your heart started again, I knew what I had to do.
Your father sealed the deal when he told me to stay away from you. I needed to leave. Once you were moved out of ICU and into a room, I sat by your bedside that last night. Then I kissed you and put a note in the pocket of your sweater. I went home to Manhattan, packed only what I could carry and left the city. It was the worst birthday I had ever had in my life.”
“Oh, Xander, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you stay and wait for me to wake up?”
“It was the best way to do it. I couldn’t bear to see the look on your beautiful face when I told you we couldn’t be together. It was bad enough seeing you in that bed all broken. I just needed to make sure you were alive before I left. Once I was sure, I had to go. I wrote the note.”
“Were you at my graduation?”
“Yes. I had to see you graduate because I knew you worked so hard.”
She smiled up at him as the rain poured down heavier. She stroked his beard and longed to kiss him. They moved under a large pine tree to avoid the rain. He pulled the necklace with the ring out from under his shirt.
“I never forgot. You were always with me.”
Ava reached into her shirt and realized her necklace was not there. She had ripped it off and threw it on the bed last night, but still said, “You are with me all the time, too.”
“Let me see.”
“I don’t have it with me. I was upset last night after I talked to you and ripped it off. It’s on my nightstand.”
“I have so many things I need to make up to you. I want to do that, but I need some time to get it together. I need to be the best man I can for you. Rachel told me you are dating someone. Is it serious?”
“We just started dating, like two dates. He is a nice man, but…”
Xander reached out and grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. She felt chills as his lips touched her. She had a deep need to feel him against her, but this was not her Xander. This man was new to her, different. They could never be as they once were or could they?
He intertwined her hand with his own, and they walked up the main road. She said nothing because the contact was all she needed from him now. When they arrived at the inn, he kissed her cheek.
“We need to talk. I have to go into Syracuse to run an errand for my boss today. How long are you going to be here?”
Ava struggled to hide her disappointment. Now that she found him she didn’t want to let him go.
