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It was warm in New York, almost sixty degrees when the plane landed at JFK. She was surprised because it was only early March. When she had left Atlanta, it was near seventy, so it was a welcomed surprise.
She entered her apartment expecting to be greeted by the boys, then realized they were at Xander’s. He loved them and even though he was angry at her, he wouldn’t be vindictive by dropping them off before she was expected to come home. She barely had the energy to get undressed. She found one of his worn t-shirts in the closet, and she slipped it on. It smelled like him, his scent, his cologne. She climbed into bed and switched pillows. She needed to be near everything Xander.
Her sleep was restless and only because of exhaustion. After three hours she was wide awake, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. It was barely midnight, and she had nothing to do. She got her phone to pull up some music and set “All I Want Is You’” by U2 to repeat. As Ava listened to the words she knew that Xander was all she wanted. She finally fell back to sleep, and when she awoke several hours later, the song was still playing.
* * *
Xander wokefrom another miserable night. He missed Ava terribly, but she had lied to him. He questioned whether he was a hypocrite. Years before he had not been honest with her and it almost cost them their lives. Did he have a right to be angry about what she did? His emotions shifted back and forth since Tuesday when he had told her she was morally bankrupt.
He waded through the mess that was his apartment, his cleaning lady on vacation. He had several dirty glasses, plates, and silverware in the sink. A couple of pizza and take out boxes sat on the coffee table along with two empty bottles of scotch. He needed to do laundry and vacuum. He usually kept his apartment neat, but this new situation with Ava threw him into a tailspin.
They just couldn’t keep stable. Either he was upsetting her, or she was upsetting him, mostly her upsetting him. He had been tolerant of her behavior and attitude of late. This was just one more thing that he chalked up on the con side. The list was growing longer by the day. At least he wouldn’t have to see her until Monday.
Ava got dressed and was out the door by mid-morning. She was going to his apartment to get her cats. She nodded at the concierge when she entered the lobby of his building. He knew her, and she didn’t have to show ID. His apartment was a disaster when she arrived.
The boys were penned in his guest room, and she left them there. She couldn’t leave his place looking like it was. It was probably because of her that it was so disheveled. She spent the better part of the day cleaning the apartment including changing the sheets and doing his laundry. His refrigerator was empty, and she ordered groceries from Stan’s, unloading the delivery as soon as it arrived. When she was finished, she wrote him a note and left it on his kitchen counter.
I’m sorry.
Then she packedup the boys in their carrier and cleaned up their food bowls and litter. The last thing she did was leave his key card on the counter next to the note. It seemed so final, but he had sounded so final when they last spoke.
Xander arrived home from work in the evening wanting to do nothing more than settle into his couch and have a liquid dinner. His lack of sleep was starting to have effects on his work. He fell asleep at his desk while reading through a case file only to be woken by Jacob several minutes later. At least tomorrow was Friday.
He opened his door and knew that something was amiss. He looked around and noticed that the garbage on the coffee table was gone. He recognized the faint smell of lemons. His kitchen was clean. Everything in the sink had been washed, dried and put away. On the dark counter, he saw a yellow sheet of paper with a key card, her key card. The one he had given her several weeks ago. She had gotten him groceries, not that it mattered because he had no plans to eat. He found the receipt in the garbage and stuffed it into his pocket.
All he cared about was a drink. He reached into the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice cubes; they clinked in his glass as he dropped them. He poured a liberal amount of scotch and went to sit out on the terrace. Manhattan had a warm spell. The sky was clear, and he looked out over the city and across the river at the twinkling lights. The fresh air cleared his mind. He had decisions to make, and they would impact both their lives.
On Monday morning after spending several miserable days without one word from Xander, Ava got ready for work. She was dreading seeing him because it was apparent that they were at the end of their relationship. He was angry and non-committal. It was going to be hard to work with him, but she had to deal with it unless he asked her to be transferred.
She looked in the mirror after her shower. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles under them. She looked pale, and her head was pounding from lack of sleep. She pulled the scale out from under the sink and weighed herself. The digital readout indicated one hundred seven pounds. She had lost three pounds in the last week. She had no appetite and felt nauseous.
She chose to dress more conservatively than usual in a pair of slacks, a v-neck sweater, and flats. She put her hair up in a ponytail. She was in no mood to contend with the throngs of people on the subway and took a cab to the office. At her desk, a white envelope was tucked under her laptop. Her heart fluttered slightly at the thought that maybe it was from Xander. It was but not what she was expecting. In it was the receipt she had thrown away in his garbage for the groceries. He had paid her back the exact sum in cash and coin.
There was no note included, not even anything written on the outside of the envelope. Ava felt her chest tighten, and her breathing become shallow. She was starting to feel anxious. Sam entered her cube and asked her how her trip was. She was in no mood to engage in conversation and told Sam she needed to head to Jacob’s office. He needed her immediately. She squeezed her friend’s hand and walked past her. Sam was intuitive and knew that the brush off had nothing to do with needing to get to Jacob’s office. She caught up to Ava part of the way down the hall and pulled her into the nearby women’s bathroom.
“Spill it. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, why do you think anything is going on?”
“Because Xander came in this morning and was gruff as a bear to me. Did you two have a fight?”
“No, it’s nothing.” She removed a ball of imaginary fluff from her sweater.
“Ava, look at me.”
She was doing everything in her power to hold the tears that she wanted to cry. They threatened to spill over her lids.
“What happened? I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”
Ava bit her lip not wanting to reveal what she had done. Sam stood staring at her with her arms crossed.
“I have to get to work. I’ll talk to you at lunchtime. Please, Sam, I was just away for a week, and I need to take care of several things for Jacob.”
“I’m noticing you keep mentioning Jacob but not Xander. Don’t lie to me. I know something happened.”
“I promise I will tell you during lunch.” She brushed past her again and out the door. She hurried down the hall and by the time Sam came out she was almost to Jacob’s office, he was not in yet, but Xander was. She steeled herself and took several deep breaths before she knocked on his door.
“Come in.”
