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Although the world crumbles around me and my body betrays me, I’ll still give my last breath to fill her lungs for another day.
Because Elanee Lane was my everything, and it was time to tell her that. Whether she would accept me or not.
52
ELANEE
“Elanee?” It’s my sister’s voice. I know she left the room at some point, but I can’t remember for how long. Last night, I vaguely recall her taking me into the shower and washing me. I’ve fallen numb to it all. Empty. No particular thoughts come to mind, but at the sound of her voice, I fold into myself even more. She’s spent hours talking to me about what I’m unsure. “You didn’t eat again?”
I stare at the end of the bed and at the wall past it. I can’t recall if I’ve slept or not since coming to the Armani household. It’s all just a blur. Another presence steps into the room, but I don’t look up. If I move from this position, everything might fracture again, webbing new branches of pain and suffering.
Tired.
Broken.
Empty.
I can sense Layla leaving the room and leaving behind a person who takes a seat beside me. I have my arms curled around my knees, with my head now resting between them.
“Elanee.” The voice that speaks is a male’s. Rough. Broken. Tired.
Dmitri.
I don’t even dare look at him. Just like everyone else, he will vanish as well. Eventually, he will go quiet and leave. Just how I want it.
I hurt him.
I hurt all of them.
And I thought I loved them? But how much suffering had I caused?
“Elanee?” Dmitri says again, and this time, the warmth of his hand covers mine. I don’t shift to hold or look at it. I just want to disappear. “I didn’t mean those things I said. I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks, but it’s not enough to give me the courage to face him.
We sit there for minutes silently until he speaks again. “When I was on my way here. I thought about all the things I lied to you about.” I don’t know why he’s still talking; it’s obvious I don’t want him here. I don’t want anyone here. I just want to wallow and fade into a distant memory.
I wish I never came back to New York.
“I lied to you about your date with Lochlan Reign standing you up in college. I actually slashed his tires and pretended that it was simply by chance I saw you waiting outside the cinema alone.” The vague memory returns to me.
“I also lied about being allergic to mushrooms. I just never wanted you to make that risotto again because it was horrendous.” Another vague memory in the past.
“I also lied about how I felt about you on the night that we fought before graduation… I told you that you were nothing more than a friend to me and that I could never see you in any other light. But that wasn’t true.” Another wound reopens—a reminder of the memory that changed it all. “When I asked you not to go to Russia, it was because I didn’t want you to leave me. I’ve never been good for you, Elanee, and I knew how much of a selfish prick that made me, so in my own way I thought I was setting you free.” His voice breaks, and my fingers curl in the way he’s somehow able to blend his pain with mine. The way he can navigate the cracks in my fractured shell when I don’t feel like I have anything else to give.
“The truth is you’ve always been the only woman I’ve cared about. The only woman I’ve loved. I hate myself for not protecting you. For only stepping up now and being able to end your torment. I’m sorry you had to wait so long, and I thank you for letting me be by your side if for only a moment.”
A lump forms in my throat. Damn him. Why won’t he just leave me alone?
“It wasn’t fair for me to say those things to you, and I didn’t mean to say them. I wasn’t acting like myself. Deep down, of course, a part of me only wanted you for myself. I purposefully pushed you away and was met with the consequences of another man having you.” His voice is filled with hatred now, and I can’t help but shift my gaze to meet his. He’s watching me. But it wasn’t just any man. It was his father.
“I only want the best for you. I know at times I can’t be the easiest to deal with, but I’ve only ever wanted for you to be safe. And for you to be mine. Always.”
A tear slides down my cheek because the way he’s speaking is a reminder we’ll never have that. I already knew that. But ever so slowly these past months, I fell for it again. Began to believe that there was hope for Dmitri and me.
But for an entirely different reason now. Because he was risking his life for me. Again. My eyebrows furrow slightly as vague memories flood in of Layla telling me that Dmitri is going to fight The Lion. When was it, in three days? Had it already been three days?
“You can’t fight him,” I rasp. My voice is barely audible from days without drinking water but a wave of relief seems to wash over him. His thumb strokes against my hand.
“No matter what, I always intended to kill him. I just have all the more reason to do it now.”
