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“They raised you right, I see. You’re polite…that’s…that’s good,” she bobbed her head. “They wanted to take you; I could see it. They kept doing stuff for us, but I was a stupid kid. I didn’t appreciate it. I thought they’d turn me in to the cops and social services. That’s where I’d been raised; foster homes, group homes. Until I ran away. I wanted better for you.”
I wanted better for you. They were actually the words I needed to hear. I’ve always felt as though she abandoned me. Ran from me. But she actually did the opposite. She gave me a better future. She gave me to people who she knew would love me. Even though it sounds as though she suffered a lot in her early years.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I gentled my tone.
Her eyes widened, and she smiled at me. “You’re kind, too…yeah, I did right. I did the right thing giving you to people who could care for you better than I could.” Her shoulders dropped.
I wanted to ask about her kids, but I didn’t know how she’d handle it since she didn’t want me to meet them. So instead, I asked about her family. “Do I have grandparents?”
“No. They’re dead. Overdosed many years ago. Mama couldn’t stop using even when she was pregnant with me. She went to jail, and I’d heard they were dead during a foster care report one time years ago. But no, you don’t have grandparents.”
“I’m sorry, that’s awful. You’re clean now,” I said. “That’s good.”
She nodded. “It is. I work every day to keep myself good for my family.”
My chest tightened. “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Did you ever look me up?” My voice was hoarse.
“Yeah. One time, I did. I hadn’t graduated from high school, and I hoped you would. I had a friend I knew back in Wisconsin to check at the school, and she said you did.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Yes, and you went to college.” There was a proudness in her tone, and despite her leaving me, it gave me comfort.
I next asked, “Are you from Wisconsin?”
“Illinois, but I ran away. I wanted to see the world. Justus showed me some of it.” Her eyes glazed over. “He told me I was his sunshine until I got pregnant with you.” She wiped her eyes and nose with a cloth.
I waited for her to make eye contact again. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
She wiped her face. “I…I can’t talk anymore. Sorry.”
“Okay…Celeste.”
She hesitated. And at that moment, I saw my life. That face that closed the door of the trailer, the woman I thought I’d see again. She didn’t close that door this time. Her hand touched something next to her on the table, and I recognized it at once. It was a clipped photo of me in New York standing next to Justus at his concert the night I met him. And I knew then that she saw her life as well. The hard places in life always leave a hole.
“I hope you’re happy, Celeste. You have a beautiful family.”
“Thank you, Nadia.” She cried into her hands, and I clicked the button to end the call and drew in a breath. Then I went into Paul’s arms.
“How was that for you?”
“It was…what it needed to be.”
I received the answers Nora had for me. Though she said she had no regrets, her cries told a different story. It was a hard life, but she had rebuilt one with a family. That was something I wanted for her. I didn’t want her in jail or sick; I wanted her well. And in the end, I wouldn’t change anything because it gave me my family.
“Let’s call our parents,” Paul suggested.
“Yes, let’s do it.”
I didn’t need to be enough for Nora or anyone. I didn’t need to go far or become something different. I have a family that loves me.
And that meant that I was lovable just as I was. Finally, after so many years of wondering, of feeling unlovable, I felt completely content.
My life not only became one of dreams, but even better.
Tomas walked inside the design studio at Givenchy. “Let’s see the ring.”
It had become a teasing habit of his, and two weeks after the proposal. Still, I held out my hand and showed him.
