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“I don’t think this is the kind of thing you just talk about,” I say. “How would I even begin that conversation?”
“It doesn’t matter. You like him. I can tell.”
“Yeah, because he’s hot!”
And because he makes me smile.
And because he makes me feel things.
He’s the kind of person who will do whatever it takes to go above and beyond. His dad left him the company for a reason. It’s super easy to see why. Ryan is going to be a complete shark when it comes to building the empire even more.
Does that vision have room for someone like me?
“I think there’s more to it than that,” Beatrice says, but I shake my head. I refuse to allow myself to daydream about Ryan and a future for the two of us.
“It’s not like that,” I say. “Damien will be back soon. Then I’ll need to find another job. I’m going to get one in my field. I have a good feeling.” I don’t have a good feeling. This is total lie. “I know that there are teaching jobs out there, and now that I’ve been able to make a little bit of money, I think I have enough flexibility with my finances that I can find something else.”
“Meaning?”
“I’ll still be able to afford my rent even if I get a teaching job.”
Her eyes soften.
“We can move,” she says. Because Beatrice is a good person. She’s the kind of person who is willing to move if their roommate doesn’t have the funds to be normal. She’s kind even when the rest of the world is so damn cold.
“We don’t need to move.”
“We can,” she says. “I’m not attached to this place.”
“The’s nice of you.”
“It’s not a matter of being nice,” she says. “I don’t want to have to go roommate shopping again, you know.” Because Beatrice has lived with people who were terrible. She knows what it’s like to be around people who don’t support her or understand her. The world can be tricky when you feel isolated from everyone around you.
“You’re the best roommate I’ve had.”
“Then can I give you a little bit of roommate advice?”
“Sure.”
“Talk to Ryan. Really talk to him,” she says. “When he’s with you...well, this seems to be the happiest he’s ever been.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh yeah,” she smiles. “I can’t really believe it, honestly. He’s always been such a dick, but when you’re around...well, it seems like Ryan has found that life is worth living after all.”
Maybe she’s right.
Beatrice heads to bed, but I stay up sitting on the couch for a long time. Eventually, I pull out my phone and text him that I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t respond right away, and eventually, I realize that he’s probably busy with CEO stuff. Either way, I don’t really want to think about it, so I haul myself to my bedroom, close my eyes, and go to sleep.
