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"I'M SORRY," I SAY WHEN I realize what's happened. It was reckless. Careless. It was a mistake I've never made before. She's making me lose my damn mind. That's what's happening.
"It's okay," Alex says. She doesn't seem upset.
"I know you're on birth control, and I get tested regularly," I tell her.
"It's really okay," she says. "I'm sure we're fine."
"How can you be so casual about this?" I ask. "I would be freaking out if I thought my boss impregnated me."
"I don't think you've impregnated me," she says. Alex laughs and leans back on the couch. We're in my living room. She's sitting and I'm pacing maddeningly back-and-forth in front of her. "Seriously, Ryan. It's fine. Sit." She pats the space next to her, but I shake my head.
"We need food. We'll order something." I pull my phone out of my pocket, but she's on her feet with her arms around me before I can Door Dash anything.
"Chill," she says.
"I'm chill. I'm just going to get us some food."
She cocks her head, looking up at me. "You have a kitchen?"
"Yeah."
"You have groceries?"
"Some."
"Come on." Alex takes my hand and tugs. "Let's go cook something."
"Cook something?"
"Why not?"
"I guess I've just never cooked with anyone before."
"Seriously?" Alex laughs. "Poor little rich boy problems, huh? I'm teasing! Come on. Let's go make you something. I could go for grilled cheese. I guarantee you've got bread and cheese. It's impossible to mess that up, so let's go cook."
Twenty minutes and four grilled cheese sandwiches later, Alex and I are in the kitchen sitting side-by-side at my counter. She's digging into her food, but I barely touch mine.
"What's wrong? Is it okay?" Alex did most of the cooking.
"It's fine," I tell her. "How are you like this?"
"Like what?"
"So comfortable." So normal. "Anytime I've had someone over before, things are weird."
"You probably date girls with money and standards," she says. Alex shrugs. "I have neither."
"You don't have standards and that's why you're with me? Oof. That one hurts a little."
"Not like that!" Alex laughs again. I really could get used to her laughing. She can keep doing it again and again. I'll never get tired of it.
"It's like this," she says. "I just don't really see you for your money. I realize that sounds cliche."
"It does."
"I work for you. I have the money I need now."
"The money you need?"
