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“Yes! You’re a tease. We’ve made out, Ryan. We’ve kissed, but we’ve never slept together. You act like everything is normal between us, but it’s not. None of this is normal.”
He shakes his head.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he says. “I was just thinking that it’s funny I hired Damien because I didn’t want to sleep with him. I always assumed this would become an issue at some point. You’re fucking gorgeous, Alex. Of course, I want to sleep with you, too.”
“Then why aren’t we?” I’m embarrassed that my voice is coming out as a whine.
“My life is complicated.”
“I’m not asking you to date me.”
“It will change things between us.”
“You’re shortchanging us,” I say. “Nothing will change between us.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Do you want something to change between us?”
“Maybe.”
I’m such a little loser. I can’t even ask for what I want even though it’s something I’m craving so very desperately.
“Tell me.”
“I want something between us,” I whisper.
“Do you really want to play this game, Alex?” He scares me. I want him, but I don’t know how to stop playing. I don’t know how to stop any of this.
I need Ryan more than I’ve ever needed anyone.
Anything.
Ever.
“I don’t know.”
“You’d better decide,” he says. “Fast.”
“Why fast?”
“Because ever since you showed up, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he says. “And if you want me half as much as I want you, I’m not going to be able to let you go. Once we cross this line, there’s no going back, Alex.”
“We’ve already crossed so many lines, Ryan.”
“Not like this,” he says. His hand comes out, and for a second, I think he’s going to grab me by the throat. Instead, he strokes my cheek. It’s soft and intimate in a way that surprises me. I didn’t think he was going to be able to do something like that. He’s so rough and tumble, so hard. Ryan puts up so many walls around himself, but right now he’s giving me the briefest glimpse into who he really is.
“You think you’re going to get attached to me.” I hadn’t realized this before him.
“I’m already attached, Alex.”
His eyes look at me like they’re fighting a battle. He wants me deeply, I realize. He wants me with a fierce passion I can only imagine. If he’s half as good in bed as he is at running a business, I know I’m going to be in for a wonderful time.
Or maybe it’ll be terrible.
Maybe it’ll be everything and so much more.
