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She folds her hands on the desk and inclines her head. “I wanted to talk to you about the tour.” Her eyes are ice-blue, but they hold no heat. No danger. She’s happy with me. “You did well.”
“Sorry, what was that?” I lean in, cupping my hand to my ear. “Come again?”
“Grow up, Silas.” She rolls her eyes and leans back, but I swear I see her lips twitch. Leaning her hand on her fist, my sister shakes her head. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you’d come out of that tour as well as you did.”
“Set me up to fail, did you?”
“Pushed you out of the nest and hoped you’d learn to fly.”
I roll my eyes. “Are you my mother bird now?”
The door behind us bursts open, swinging so fast it hits the back wall. A chubby little blond-haired girl comes barreling through, laughing her ruddy cheeks off. Penelope’s face melts into a smile as her daughter circles the desk and crashes into her legs.
She picks Neva up, nuzzling her face into the girl’s neck and blowing a raspberry as my niece howls with laughter. Penelope settles Neva on her lap, pushing her daughter’s hair off her forehead. “You’re going to be a terror when you grow up, Neva.”
“She’s getting fast,” a voice says behind me. Asher, my sister’s husband, leans on the doorframe. His eyes soften as he takes in the scene in front of him, daughter nestled in his wife’s arms. My eyes drift to my sister, who’s staring at her husband with so much love I hardly even recognize her.
Pen thought she couldn’t have kids, and she was resigned to that reality. Until Asher. Until he shook up her life and her heart like a snow globe and showed her what could be possible.
He changed her. Is it so impossible to think I could have that kind of love, too?
My own heart clenches hard as I stand between them, feeling the strength of the love in their gazes. Neva leans against her mother’s chest, sticking her fingers in her mouth as her blue eyes twinkle. Penelope lays a soft kiss on her daughter’s fine hair, and my heart stutters.
I…I want that. I want a child of my own to hold, to cherish. I want to look at someone the way Asher looks at Penelope. I want to have the kind of love that other people can feel when they walk in the room.
Asher crosses the room and wraps his hands around Neva’s torso, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The little girl squeals and laughs, drool flying everywhere.
“Careful, Ash.” Penelope jumps to her feet.
“Always.” He winks at my sister, and I feel like an intruder. I shouldn’t be here, witnessing their love. Their affection. It’s too…intimate. Too strong.
But Asher ignores me. He leans over and kisses Penelope’s lips, then stands, nods at me, and taps his daughter’s bottom. “No bothering your mama, kid. She’s working.”
Neva laughs, swinging her arms as she lets her head dangle against her father’s back. The kid lifts her eyes as they exit the room, grinning like a cat in my direction.
Yes, I want that. Desperately. Completely. And I’m ready to give everything up to get it.
28
Jazz
I give my mother a kiss on the cheek and leave her to sit by the window, a book lying forgotten in her lap.
Rhea catches up to me in the doorway, jerking her head toward my mom. “You tell her?”
I shake my head. “I had to remind her of my name.” My voice, mercifully, doesn’t tremble. Mom’s memory is getting worse. She recognized me today even if she didn’t know my name right away—how long until she forgets who I am?
It seems that with every day that goes by, Mom gets worse. She can’t walk on her own at all anymore, and the doctors have confirmed that her dementia is advancing more quickly than they expected.
I’m going to lose her.
“Hey,” Rhea says, wrapping her arms around me when she sees watery tears fill my eyes. “Come on. None of that.”
“I know,” I sniffle, voice muffled in her shoulder. I pull away, jamming the palms of my hands in my eye sockets. “I’ll be fine. Just need a minute.”
“You can tell her about the baby next time. She’ll be happy about it, Jazz.”
“Even if I can’t tell her who the father is? Even if I’m on my own? She’ll worry.”
