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Rowan
My second tripup to the Summer Palace of Nord is very different than my first. Grandma and I are flown on a private jet directly from Farcliff to the airstrip a short drive from the palace. No cramped train ride with too-small seats. A private car is there to pick us up when we land, complete with a driver in a crisp black uniform who opens the back door of the car for us. He gives Grandma a warm smile as she greets him by name.
It’s the beginning of May, and there’s no howling gale outside. The sky is blue and although it’s still fresh outside, the snow is mostly melted and the whole landscape is green and lush. Only the tops of the mountains and particularly shady spots have remnants of snow still clinging to the earth. A bird sings in a nearby tree, and the air tastes sweet.
Settled in the back seat, Grandma threads her fingers through mine and I lean my head against her shoulder. She spent the winter in Farcliff with me, helping me prepare for the arrival of the baby. I’m thirty weeks pregnant now. I’ll be a mother in ten short weeks. Less than three months. Panic and excitement are still waging war within me, as they have every day since I found out about my pregnancy.
If all goes to plan, I’ll see the visitor’s cottage completed this week, and do some final approvals on details of the main palace design. I’ve been communicating with the site team via email and phone, but I’ve come up here to help with the millions of little architectural decisions that need to be made to complete the project. In a few months, both my babies will come to life.
I’m not sure I’ll get to see the full palace restoration. Maybe one day. By the time it’s finished, in September, I’ll have a new baby. My life will be different. Coming up to the Arctic Circle won’t be a priority. The Queen promised pictures, so that’s what I’ll have.
“There will be flowers everywhere in a week or two,” Grandma says, sighing happily. Her eyes shine as she squeezes my hand, shifting her gaze to the tinted windows of the royal vehicle.
The Prince was right. It’s very different here in springtime, and I can only imagine how beautiful the height of summer will be. I let out a soft sigh, ignoring the clenching of my heart.
I know I made the right decision. There were no paparazzi following me in Farcliff. After the first flurry of articles about my affair with the Prince, the gossip died down. Once I left, there was nothing to feed the rumor mill. My life went back to normal, but I felt far from the same.
Everything is different. I’ve gone to work every day, in the same office I left behind, but it’s like I’m seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. I see the awards I’ve won and the degrees hanging on my wall, but they don’t mean anything.
My baby means something. Everything. I spent every evening trawling through books and online forums about what to expect, preparing myself for every possible eventuality—yet still feeling completely unprepared.
But I’ve had Grandma with me, and she’s reminded me about the importance of family. Her presence, along with the baby growing in my womb, have shown me everything I’ve been missing.
Work doesn’t seem quite so important. Apart from the Summer Palace, I haven’t taken on any more projects. I’m planning on taking some time off once the baby gets here.
I still care about the business, of course. I still love architecture. It just doesn’t hold the same weight as it did before.
Plus, in a way, it feels wrong to think about another project while the Summer Palace design is still ongoing, like a strange, misplaced kind of infidelity. This palace deserves my full attention—or maybe I just don’t have the energy or desire to think of anything else. I cling onto the last thing that reminds me of…of him.
As the car drives up to the tall, wrought iron gates, I glance at the spot on the ground where I first collapsed. That’s where the Prince first saw me. Where he first held me in his arms and brought me back to life.
Have I ever been the same?
That moment, everything changed. I’ve been staring at my life through a kaleidoscope, wondering how I could have ignored all the beauty and color of the world around me. How did I exist with only work and business on my mind? How did I miss all the other things that make life worth living?
We drive through the gates, and my heart clenches. I slide a hand over my abdomen, smiling as my baby moves. I grunt, feeling a foot kick me in the ribs. My stomach bulges to the left as the baby shifts, and I rub my hand over it.
We’re home. Even after spending all winter in Farcliff, coming back to this palace feels like the homecoming I’ve always wanted. I belong here. This landscape took a piece of me, the Prince grabbed another, and my baby took the rest. There’s a chunk of my heart kept captive here, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get it back.
All I can do is just enjoy being here while it lasts.
Grandma must feel me tense up as we get closer to the palace, because she squeezes my hand. “I called Vikki, and she told me the Prince left last week,” she whispers. “In case you were nervous about seeing him.”
I force a smile, but a spear of sadness pierces my heart. He left—again. Didn’t even want to see me.
But it’s for the best, right? Keeps up the appearance of nothing ever happening between us. Why would the Prince stay here during a large construction project? That in itself would be suspicious.
It hurts more than I’d like to admit. Call it weakness, but somewhere deep in my heart, I hoped I would see him at least once.
We arrive at the castle but instead of stopping at the front entrance, we’re driven to the side door reserved for the staff. My throat tightens, and I know that I don’t have special status here. I’m not the Prince’s lover or someone who will be given free rein in the building.
I’m an architect. A contractor. A pregnant nobody.
Isn’t that what I asked for when I left? This is the choice I made.
Vikki’s just inside the door, waiting to greet us. She wraps her arms around me and coos over my growing belly, beaming at me.
“Have you picked a name yet?”
