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“Of course.” My voice is strong. I grip the edge of the counter so hard I’m afraid it’ll crumble in my palms.
Grandma makes a soft noise. “Okay, honey. You have to tell him.”
The heady, euphoric feeling from last night turns black inside me. Reality isn’t rose-colored. Reality is dark, and I stare at the hallway leading to the front door. “What then, Grandma? What are my options? If he wants to be with me, it means I have to give up my whole life. My business. My independence. I basically choose this”—I jerk my head to the door—“as my new reality. What kind of way is that to raise a child? I’m not sure I even want that for myself. I saw the headlines—they’re all just comparing me to his dead fiancée. I’m the other woman, just like Mom was, except in my case, the first woman isn’t even alive.”
Grandma tilts her head.
“Say it, Grandma.”
“Say what?” Her voice is neutral.
“Something, something, apple, tree…” I turn to the counter and stare at the black coffee in my mug, cheeks burning. “This is exactly what happened to Mom, wasn’t it?”
Grandma chuckles, patting my hand. “It’s slightly different, Rowan. For one, I think the Prince cares about you, and I know for a fact he doesn’t have a secret family hidden away in another kingdom.”
I let out a long sigh. “Right. But he’s still a prince. If Wolfe doesn’t want to be involved, do I raise this kid without ever telling them who their father is?”
“Let’s just deal with one problem at a time, Rowan.”
“I can’t stay here.” I meet my grandmother’s eyes. “If I stay, I either get wrapped up in this whole media machine and become part of the royal family, or I’m an outcast. My child is a pariah. I can’t let that happen. I need to go back to Farcliff. I need to just do this on my own—that’s the best chance I have at giving this kid a normal, healthy upbringing.”
“You need to tell the Prince.”
I chew my lip, tears welling up in my eyes for the first time since I found out about the baby. Nodding, I push myself up to my feet. Then, an even scarier thought. “What if he wants it? What if he wants me to stay? What if I have to give everything up…” My eyes widen. If he doesn’t want it, fine. I can leave with my tail between my legs. I can show this baby love and devotion. But if Wolfe does want me the way I thought I wanted him…
“Then you either stay and let him be part of the baby’s life, or you leave. It’s your choice, Rowan. You need to do what’s best for the baby.”
“And if he doesn’t want it?” My voice is small. My heart aches.
“Then the choice is made for you, honey.”
I blink a tear down my cheek and wipe it away in an instant. There are no good choices. My mania from yesterday has vanished. I’m staring at a bunch of bleak options for a sad future, that oily film coating everything from my head down to my bare toes.
If I stay, I’m subjecting the baby to media scrutiny—even worse so if the Prince doesn’t want to be a part of our lives. What kind of future is that for a child? Everyone would know who the father is, and everyone would judge me and the baby. What if it affected the baby’s future? Judging by the crush of reporters outside, they wouldn’t just forget about us. The kid would be in the newspapers for his or her whole life. They could be bullied, or judged, or stopped from getting jobs and opportunities.
Even if Wolfe wants the kid, do I really want to take that chance? Do I want to subject my child to that kind of future?
If I go back to Farcliff, I’m giving up my relationship with the Prince. I’m leaving the only place I’ve ever felt at home—but I’m giving my child a chance at a normal life. I’m choosing independence and anonymity. Privacy. Normalcy.
My life is crumbling around me and I feel so sad it makes my chest ache, but I feel like I finally understand the choices my mother made for me. I understand the pain she must have felt, and I understand the devotion. My hand slips over my stomach and I let my eyes close, knowing I’ll do anything to keep my baby safe.
