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I attempt to swallow, willing my cheeks not to go pink, but they feel a little hot already. “Why do you say that?” I say after a moment.
“Because,” she says, gesturing to the kitchen. “Look at where you are. It’s Sunday afternoon, your one day off, and you’re here. In this bloody kitchen. Reading a book!”
I roll my eyes. “I happen to like my book.”
“You should be out there.” She jabs her carrot toward the window. “Downtown. In the bars. Meeting men. Or women. Anyone. Hooking up, having fun.”
I give her a steady look. “I’m quite happy the way I am.”
“Nah,” she says dismissively. “You’re becoming one complicated Norsewoman.”
“What?”
“I know this is a tough job, I really do, but you’re cracking a little under pressure.”
I open my mouth to say something, but sympathy flashes in her eyes and she quickly carries on.
“I know you just lost your grandmother. I know how hard that is. That’s why I worry about you, darling. I don’t think it’s healthy for a woman your age to have no friends, to be cooped up in this house all alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I protest. “You’re here.”
“I’m an old woman,” she cries out, laughing. “You need friends your age. Or maybe a man who can show you a good time.”
I know what she’s getting at. The problem is, I’m too tired to try to deflect. Because she’s right. I do need a friend. I need someone to talk to. And Lady Jane is that friend.
I push back my chair and stand up. “I’m going for a walk. Care to come along?”
She frowns at me, her brows tangling with her bangs. I’ve never gone for a walk with Lady Jane before.
“Sure,” she says, putting her carrot sticks back in the glass container. “Let’s go.”
It’s not long before we’ve got our boots and coats on and are stepping out into the snow. It’s sunny today, and I wish I’d brought my sunglasses.
We walk off down the driveaway and toward the road. It’s been quiet here the last few weeks now that the holidays are over. Magnus went into Oslo with Einar and Ottar for fun, and even though it’s James’s day off, he went along with them anyway. Ella and the boys are somewhere in the house.
“So what’s on your mind?” Lady Jane asks me. She has short legs compared to me and has to move them twice as fast to keep up. “Are you about to confide some secret in me? Because I know I have a reputation as a bigmouth, but I promise I can keep it in the vault. Believe it or not, I have many people’s secrets there.”
“Good to know,” I tell her, giving her a stern look. “Because what I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone.”
“I promise,” she says, making the sign of the cross over her heart. “Swear to it.”
I take in a deep breath, trying to figure out how to say it when there is so damn much to say. “I’m in love with James,” I blurt out.
Well, shit. I definitely didn’t mean it to come out like that.
Lady Jane stops dead in her tracks, an incredulous look coming over her face. “You what? You’re in love with him?”
I press my lips together and nod, afraid of what else I’m going to say. I mean, I don’t even think I knew I was in love with him for certain, just that I was falling for him. And yet it just came tumbling out. “I think, anyway.”
“No, you are,” she says. “Oh, I see it now, darling. I see it. I really thought you were just going to tell me you were sleeping with him, though.”
“I’m doing that too. Or I was. We keep…I keep trying to break things off.”
“What for? You have a man like that giving you some loving, you hang on to that.”
“It’s complicated,” I try to explain. “For one, it’s not allowed.”
She shrugs. “I can see how it would be frowned upon, but it’s not like there is a bloody rule book of dos and don’ts…” She trails off. “Actually, maybe there is.”
