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“I hear you.” He bowed his head like it was too heavy to hold up any longer. “And I’m sorry I asked you for too much. You’re right to get out now. Chances are, I would have continued asking.”
Neither of us had to fill in the unspoken words, that he’d needed to test how far I would’ve gone for him. Inside his tightly controlled exterior was an insecure kid who had a hard time believing anything good could be his. Even his brother.
“Come here,” I gruffed, pulling him against me.
He was slow to reciprocate my embrace. For a while, he stood stiff, but I’d done this dance with him. I kept on hugging, and little by little, his tension eased.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“I know.” I slapped his back and took a step back. “We’ll get through it.”
He dug the heel of his hand into his forehead and grimaced. “Are there rules now? Can I talk to you about MZ? Or is that forbidden?”
I almost laughed. “Nothing’s off-limits except you asking me to come back. I told you, we’re no longer coworkers, but I’m here. Always.”
Jeremy stayed a while after that. We switched to soda and went from watching the sunset to counting stars. I asked for his advice on getting Clara back. He was shit at it, but it was good to laugh at his suggestion of copying his move by sitting on her doorstep until she wanted to talk.
Once he was gone, I walked through my empty house, the silence beating down on me. I started to go upstairs to turn in early then stopped and asked myself what the hell I was doing. Why was I wasting more time not being with Clara?
I picked up my phone, but I didn’t call or text. If I gave her the opportunity to say no, she might take it.
To hell with that.
The time for waiting on her had passed.
Chapter Forty-five
Clara
My phone was silent. I’d taken Jake’s texts for granted, to be sure, but I guess, after today, I thought I’d hear from him.
He’d said he’d be in touch, just not when. When Nellie had been awake, I had been distracted enough not to constantly check for a message, but she’d been asleep for a couple hours, and I’d done nothing but check since.
I swiped to our messages, reading his last few, practically begging me to text back. My stomach clenched, guilt and frustration at war inside me. Why had I waited so long to face this?
This was stupid. I’d told Jake I’d reply, but why would he believe that? The least I could do was reach out first. It was more than my turn.
Me: Hey…just checking in. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. I hope Sage is okay and not in too much trouble.
I sent the message then instantly regretted it. It wasn’t my business how he punished Sage. He’d made it clear he and Carly had it handled.
Me: Whatever you and Carly decide will be right. Sorry if I implied something else.
I threw my phone across the couch and groaned at the ceiling. How had I become this person?
Fucking Miller.
I groaned again. As much as I wished I could put the blame for everything on my ex, he was locked up far away. This mess was mine. Jake had a hand in it, no question, but I’d been the one to keep digging my hole deeper and deeper, and now I didn’t know how to get out.
I picked up my phone and sent another text. This message wasn’t as polite and formal. It might’ve been somewhat desperate, but Jake had bared himself to me, so maybe it was my turn.
Me: I want you to know I love you very much, and I want to try to work through this with you. My heart broke when you kept things from me, but it’s ten times worse without you. I miss you, Jake. I want our beautiful life back, and I want you to find a way for that to happen. Please find a way.
Out of fight, I fell back against the cushions. I’d either hear from him or not, but I wouldn’t give up. I’d try again tomorrow, the day after that, and—
Vroom, vroom.
What the hell?
