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Why does it have to be easy?
I was in my car, getting ready to drive home, when my therapist’s question rang in my skull.
What I was doing was easy. Going home alone without putting myself out there. Keeping my feelings to myself. Not taking a chance they could be, by some miracle, reciprocated. Maintaining a fake relationship with Daisy that was fucking killing me.
I steered my car in the direction of her place. It wasn’t too late, and I didn’t think I could go another night without saying what I needed to. I had to know where she was. If I was never going to have her, at least my question would be answered and I could figure out how to move on. This…in-between was untenable.
I parked at the curb and jogged up her steps. She must’ve heard me coming because the door swung open before I could knock.
“Did you forget something?” Her words came out husky, sexy enough to almost bring me to my knees.
“Yeah. I need to say something to you, Daisy.”
She stood in her doorway, leaning against the jamb. I was on the landing, outside looking in.
“Okay. Say what you need to, Miles.” There was wariness there. Her arms folded around her middle in a protective stance. She was prepared for me to hurt her, but I was almost certain I was about to break myself.
Why does it have to be easy?
Why the hell did this have to be so damn hard?
“The thing is, I can’t keep doing this fake dating thing with you. I need to end it tonight.”
She flinched like I’d punched her in the face. “Of course. I get it. I—”
“No, I’m not done.”
Her mouth flattened into a hard line, and her eyes almost killed me with their shine.
“I can’t be fake with you because my feelings are real. They might’ve always been real, but recently, I seem to have fallen hopefully in love with you.”
She gasped a small breath. “Hopelessly?”
I shook my head. “No, I said it right. Being in love with you is all about hope. Hope you might feel a fraction of what I feel for you. Hope you’ll be ready to love me back one day. Hope I can keep you when this agreement is over. Hope I am worthy of you. Hope I don’t screw things up.”
“Miles…”
“You don’t have to love me back, Daisy. I’m not expecting that. But I want to know, do I have even a small chance with you? Or is your heart still wrapped up with Andy?” I chuffed. “Or, the third possibility, would I ever be a consideration, even if Andy had never existed? Am I shooting way out of my league here?”
“Stop talking,” she ordered, and my heart began to plummet. It didn’t get too far before she grabbed the front of my shirt and yanked me into her apartment, kicking the door shut behind her. “Sit down, Miles.”
Her tone had gone from confused to demanding, brooking no argument. I sat on her couch in her little living room, clinging to my last vestiges of hope. Turning around and walking away when I’d been on the landing would have been a lot easier. Now, surrounded by everything Daisy? I might have to crawl.
She turned to me with flushed cheeks and razor-sharp eyes. “How can you stand on my doorstep and tell me you love me but know nothing about me at all?”
My mouth opened. Closed. I didn’t understand. “What?”
“Except for when Andy showed up here, I haven’t thought about him. Have I brought him up to you?”
“You had sex with me because—”
She held up her finger. “If you say it was because of him, I’ll scream.” She stalked into the little living area and sat on the coffee table directly in front of me.
“You asked me if I slept with you to forget, and I did, that’s true. You didn’t ask what I was forgetting, or why you were the one who could wash it all away.”
I stared at her, thinking back to that morning. She was right. I’d made assumptions. I hadn’t asked the right questions.
“What were you forgetting, Daisy?”
