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“Thanks to you, that asshole is going away for a long time.”
“Wow,” I say stunned, handing his phone back to him. “And y’all are sure he didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me?”
He sighs. “I can promise you, we’ve tried to find a link. It would make sense if he was afraid of you causing problems for him. They found a lot of sick stuff, just not anything linking to your case.”
We lay quietly as I take in what I just read. I shouldn’t be surprised to find out he was a wolf in a sheep’s skin. I knew it. It might be because of me that he was caught but was it me that started this sick aversion. Did witnessing me having sex with another kid make him want more? Or was he always wired wrong? I swallow the sour taste in the back of my throat, forcing myself to not focus on him. He’s not stealing this time I have with Paxton. He’s where he belongs and that’s the end of that.
I smile at Paxton. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Hmm,” he says, thinking. “Is being a flight attendant everything you ever dreamed of?”
I stare up to the ceiling and nod, finding it hard to concentrate with his thumb tracing small circles on my stomach. I grab his hand and link our fingers, then roll to my side to face him. “It is. Well…minus the guy going into cardiac arrest or the unruly passengers, people who decide getting drunk on a plane sounds like a good idea. But the places I’ve seen already makes it all worth it.”
He props himself on an elbow, resting his head in his hand. “You have enough money that you can visit all those places without having to deal with all that bullshit, right?”
His words linger in the air, a mix of concern and a desire to protect me. It’s sweet, but ironic, coming from a police officer. They deal with more bullshit than a cow farmer, and he still does it—because he loves it. “I’ve been working since I was fourteen. I don’t know how to not work. The month I stayed at the house in Arizona, doing nothing, drove me insane. I became this peeping tom, a borderline stalker. For the entire neighborhood. I need to do something with my time. That money will be there when I need it. It’s more of a safety blanket for me, a promise that I’ll never live like I was in Blackburn—working only to live another day.”
He nods in understanding. “Tell me about some of the places you’ve been.”
I light up, thrilled to share with him. “Oh my gosh. I’ve only been flying for a month, but Ari and I are taking full advantage of the flight benefits. I’ve seen Alcatraz in California and the Statue of Liberty in New York. I went to a Packers football game and wore a cheesehead.” I laugh, recalling the memory when one coach on our flight overheard me say I’d never been to an NFL game and secretly handed me two tickets to the game.
Paxton grows still next to mine. When I look over at him, his expression shifts to an unsettling ease. I sit up, clutching the sheet up around my chest with me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
It’s something.
There’s an awkward moment of silence.
“Don’t lie,” I press, cutting into it.
He inhales and then blows it out. “I’m trying not to be an ass.” He shakes his head and then rolls over, pushing off the bed. He finds his underwear and pulls them up. I go over in my head what I said to set him off. Finally, he says, “Nope. There’s no way around it.” He leans against the dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve spent six months going over every inch of your case, hoping I could find something we missed. Hoping I could help catch the bastard so you could come home. I guess…I convinced myself you were hiding away, scared to live. Clearly, I was wrong.”
I sit stunned, taking in his confession. The room turns colder. Or maybe it’s just the space he put in between us. I didn’t expect him to pour his heart and soul into my case and put his life on hold. Now I feel like an asshole. I’m the selfish one here. That’s what I’ve had to do my entire life. Selfishness was a means to survive, one that I had to adapt to. But seeing the man I love stare at me through disappointed eyes, it stings. I never expected him to pause his life for me.
“Did you even miss me?” he asks and then drops his head, cursing under his breath about being a pussy.
“Every day.” He looks up. “I can’t see a dog or a cop or pie without thinking about you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, and distance didn’t change that. It might have healed my scars, but it hasn’t let me forget about you. It could never.” I chew on my inner cheek, wondering if there is anything I could say to fix this. Even though I don’t know what this is, we can’t leave it like this. Sorry doesn’t erase the hurt I seemed to have caused him. “Why did you wait for me?”
His expression softens. “Is it that hard for you to accept that someone is on your side?”
“Yes,” I say without having to even think about it. “Paxton, leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I would never have intentionally done anything to make you this upset with me. I…” I pause, blinking back tears. “I thought you would’ve been happy that you didn’t have to worry about me anymore.”
He pushes off the dresser and sits back down on the bed, his voice losing its edge. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”
“I can’t go back,” I whisper, wishing things could be different for us. He nods with a defeated expression. “I want you to stop looking for him.” It’s time for him to move on with his life. He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him. “If you love me, you’ll let me go.”
He lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m trying. For fuck’s sake, I came here for closure.”
I tilt my head, surprised. That was not the vibe I got when he pulled me in for a passionate kiss. “Hmm. We probably should’ve skipped dessert, then.”
He points between us. “I did not plan this. But then you walked into the lobby with this air of confidence, wearing a hot flight attendant uniform. Look at you.” He throws his hands up, and I snicker. My uniform isn’t that attractive. “I couldn’t stop myself.”
I didn’t stop him either.
“If you couldn’t tell from earlier, I’m very happy to see you,” I say, scooting closer to him, letting the sheet fall to my knees. He reaches for my hand and guides me until I’m straddling him. “Let’s have tonight. Tomorrow we’ll say goodbye,” I say, cupping his neck.
His hands slide up my back, one of them slinking through my hair. He grips it tight, and I moan at the delicious tug. “I hate that I can’t have you forever.” He nips my chin with his teeth, dragging them along my jawbone. “You’re supposed to be mine.”
