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When she doesn’t reply, I steal a glance up at her through the mirror. I’ve learned Amy is the master of thinking before she speaks. I squint my eyes and tilt my head. “What? You said you liked him?”
She bobs her head, hesitates a moment, and then takes two long strides to my chair, gently placing her hands on my shoulders. “We do. He seems to be a great guy.” I sense a but in there as she twists her lips. “We just want you to be careful.”
Careful? Where is this coming from? Paxton is the epitome of safe. The few times we’ve been together, he scans our current surroundings, searching for any hint of the unusual. I can relax around him and let go of the anxiety that clings to me when out in public because he takes on that burden for me.
“You don’t have anything to worry about with Paxton,” I assure her.
The sound of tires crunching on the pebbled driveway grabs my attention. I jump up to peek out the window, hoping it’s not a delivery truck. I watch Paxton hop out of his Jeep, and he leans over, checking his reflection in the side mirror, messing with an errant piece of hair. When he straightens, his eyes dart to my window, and I jerk back out of sight. My cheeks burn with embarrassment at being caught, and Amy lets out a chuckle as I rush around the room to gather my stuff.
“He’s taking me to look at apartments today,” I say, double-checking that my driver’s license is in my wallet.
“Are you looking at the ones right next to the college?” she asks.
Ted gave me an approved list of apartments. Not that I have to choose one of those, but they’re ones he vetted.
Of course, I’ll pick one of those.
I’d do anything to make them proud of me. In three short months, they have helped me more than anyone has since my parents died. Amy guided me through the crazy process of obtaining a driver’s license and indulged me in countless shopping sprees. My entire life, I’ve never had more than a week’s worth of clothes, and I might have gotten a bit carried away. Then there’s Ted, who helped me set up a trust so I could deposit the money, and no one could trace it back to me without a lot of research. I’m officially rich but each time I get my bank card out to pay for something, it feels as if I’m on the verge of waking up from a dream where I’ll find myself back in my dingy studio apartment in Blackburn, swimming in a lot of debt.
I bought my first car—a brand-new cherry-red Mustang. Ted went with me, ensuring the predatory salesperson didn’t take advantage of me. Those folks are vultures. And I was fresh meat. We were there less than a minute before a guy approached with a pasted-on grin and arms stretched out as if he were our long-lost friend.
Step by step of getting my life back, they’ve been by my side. Two months ago, I never would’ve imagined I’d be in a place without nightmares again. At least without the help of drugs. But I did. On my own. I’ve finished my therapy here, and despite Amy and Ted telling me I can stay as long as I need, there are other people out there who need their help more than I do now. Even though my assailant—the new word Martinez gave me—runs free, I’m not letting him take away anything else from me.
I’m ready to start my life.
Ted knocks once and peeks his head through the cracked door. “Paxton’s in the living room.” I nod, slinging the cross-body purse over my shoulder. “Remember what I said. Read the entire contract if you find a place. Or you can bring it home and we can sift through the details with you.” He pauses, meeting Amy’s adoring expression, and adds with a subtle smile, “If you want.”
They are the best.
Insecurities are a bitch. It’s the moments right before I see Paxton that the gnawing fear creeps in—the kind that he’ll realize I’m not worth the trouble and decide I’m not enough for him. The notion that I’m too scarred to live a normal life plays on a loop in my mind. He could find another woman who’s not broken, because no matter what I tell myself, there will always be a nagging fear in the back of my mind that I’ll end up back in a grave. But then I walk into the room, and he focuses intensely on me, staring at me like I’m the only woman in existence. All the self-doubt disappears.
“Ready, beautiful?” he says as he gathers me into a tight hug.
Sigh. Pick me up off the floor because this small-town girl is falling fast and hard. Amy winks at me as we pass them, and I smile back at her.
See, nothing to worry about.
As we’re about to pull out onto the main road, Paxton looks over at me and stares. I catch him doing it often, making me blush and wiggle in my seat.
“Stop.” I chuckle, covering his eyes, not used to this much attention. Men have never looked at me like Paxton does, and he’s not bashful about it at all.
He pulls my hand away, kissing the palm. “I can’t stop,” he says. “Seeing you once a week isn’t enough.”
He’s also not shy about saying what’s on his mind, either. I like that. It won’t be much longer that I’ll be minutes away from him rather than an hour.
“After I move in, would you want to go to Blackburn with me one weekend? I want to see Pearl and Chip, and I’d love for you to meet them.” I was putting important dates for college into my calendar the other day and remembered it was Pearl’s birthday this month. I feel a little guilty that I haven’t called her.
His lips curve. “I’d love to meet the people who are important to you.”
I wonder what my monster would say if he found out he gave me the best gift ever—Paxton. He unwittingly created something beautiful amid the chaos. And that single thought makes me want to flip my middle finger up and say, “Thanks.”
The first set of apartments we look at are farther from campus than I’d prefer, so I nix those immediately. I want to walk to class. The next ones, however, steal my heart. Brand new and opening for the fall semester, they are right across the street from the college. There’s a catch, though—they only have a dozen rooms available, so if I want one, I have to sign a contract soon. They fill the apartments similar to dorms on campus. They call it individual leasing. I’d share an apartment with someone, but I’d have my own room and bathroom. They explained that they match roommates with an app similar to a dating site. Of course, that meant nothing to me because I’ve never used or seen one. Paxton thought it was funny when he mentioned me swiping right, but I stared at him confused. Swiping right? What does that even mean? He explained it to me, and it sounds like a horrible way to find someone.
“Are you okay rooming with someone? Someone you don’t know?” Paxton asks as we head toward his Jeep.
I don’t answer immediately because I don’t want to sound immature for wanting the full college experience, roommate and all, considering I’m twenty-two. But I’ve wanted this life since I graduated from high school.
“I’d rather have a roommate than be by myself,” I admit. I’ve lived alone for years. It’s lonely. I thought that I’d love it after living in a group home where personal space was nonexistent, but I ended up missing the friendships, having someone always there to talk to about everything. Or days you just needed someone there. Even though we fought like rabid cats sometimes, we also were each other’s lifeline, our laughter echoing throughout the halls, our comfort in times of despair. Back when nobody wanted us, those connections meant everything. I wish we could’ve stayed in touch somehow. “And I can choose my roommate.”
