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Bile rises in my throat as he shakes his head. I dive out of the car and round the back so I’m not in sight. My legs give out and I crumble to the ground, heaving between tears and disgust. All the time I worried about him or had sleepless nights agonizing about losing him was all for nothing. Lies. All of it.
I hear him get out, ice that hasn’t melted yet from the shade of the tree crunches under his feet as he steps toward me. When he puts his hand on my back, I swat it away and violently shake my head. “No. I don’t want you to touch me.” Anger replaces disgust the longer he remains by my side. “Did you ever wonder what would happen when I found out the truth?” I push off the cold vehicle, staring at him.
“I lived that fear every day. I knew it would come, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. It would ruin the one bright thing in my evil world.”
I wipe away the salty tears and sniff. He manipulated me my entire life and I can’t bring myself to hate him. I’m furious, but it’s because of him, I’m alive.
“I tried my best to give you a good life.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t know you at all.”
“The only thing I care that you know is I love you.”
I rub my temples, not knowing what to say. A horn in the distance makes me jump and I lean on the car to hold me up as I catch my breath. My heart races so fast, it’s drumming in my ears. This is all too much.
“Breathe, Aspen,” I hear right before I see stars and then nothing.
When I come to, I’m in my dad’s arms. No, not my dad. My head hurts from thinking. He places me in the back seat and I lay there feeling drained and empty.
“Sleep, Aspen. It’s been a long day,” he orders, placing a blanket over me. His deep gravelly voice has always calmed me. Now, I don’t know if it still does or I’m too tired to fight. My eyes are heavy and I blow out a deep sigh, sleep pulling me under.
I jolt upright at the sound of a car door slamming. Morning sunlight beams in through the front window. My eyes land on a guy, walking away from his vehicle a couple spaces over from where we’re parked.
Wait, where am I?
I crane my neck to look out the back window at the stone building in front of the parking lot I’m in. Two American flags hang at the entrance, on each side of the FBI sign. Panic at the thought of my dad turning himself in pinches my chest.
They’ll kill him.
I spin and sit forward, hoping to find him asleep in the front seat. But the only thing there is a letter and a phone. The car is idling so I wonder when he left. I sit back and unfold the letter. My fingers shake, afraid of what I’m about to read.
Dearest Aspen,
You’ll never know how much it pains me to see you hurting. I can’t apologize enough for being the cause of that. I don’t regret my decision because you made my life worth living. I wasn’t just a soldier. Or a killer. I was a dad. And for that, I thank you. You’ll always be my little Asperanza. Stay driven and stubborn in all that you do. You’ll probably never see me again, but know I’ll continue to watch you from a distance.
I love you with everything inside me, even my black heart.
~ Dad
Please take the phone into the FBI building and ask for Agent Lopez. Tell him who you are and hand him the phone. There is a recording and video he’ll want to see.
Tears roll down my face as a weight lifts off my chest. He’s not turning himself in. I squeeze by eyes shut. Shouldn’t I want him to turn himself in? He’s killed people that I know. He kidnapped me.
But he didn’t kill me.
Reading the letter again, my thoughts filter back to my childhood memories. Indoor tents that were big enough to fill with all my stuffed animals, fishing trips where he would sing and make up silly stories about mermaids, the nights I was afraid of monsters always ended in tickling attacks. The memories flood back. One by one. He was a great dad, I can’t deny him that.
But now, I’m stuck in a strange world, alone and confused. I have a mom and dad who have mourned me. Can I disrupt their lives? Would they want to know that I never died? I fold the letter in my hands and grip the phone so tight, my fingers hurt. What if I went on with my life and didn’t tell anyone? I could drive this car and run. I shake my head at the thought, too many people are looking for me. And Ryker. He must be going out of his mind wondering what happened. But knowing the truth, he’ll want to stay far away from this train wreck. The tight twist in my chest isn’t helping. One issue at a time, Aspen.
Taking a deep breath in and blowing it out my mouth, I lean across the front to grab the keys and then open the door. The frigid air smacks me in the face, reminding me—I’m alive. I might not know what’ll happen tomorrow, but I’ve never been one to back down from a fight. And this is the fight of my life.
When I open the heavy metal-framed door, a swoosh of hot air envelops me and I’m greeted by a security guard, directing me to go through the metal detectors.
“Are you okay, ma’am?” he asks, concern written on his face. I manage a small smile and nod although my inner voice is screaming no, nothing will ever be okay, again.
“Yes, thank you.” He surveys me for a minute before letting me through.
I stuff the letter into my back pocket and put the phone in the bin. On the other side, I focus on my steps to the information desk.
