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“Ellie, I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks. The heavy emotion in her voice makes me turn. “I went to see Kase, taking Reed with me.” She glances to the front door as if looking for someone to interrupt her. “I told Reed about Kase being his dad. I thought…” She stops talking and turns back. Her eyes fill with tears as one falls from mine. Brushing it away, I wait for her to continue. “I didn’t want to let go of what we had without knowing for sure.”
My stomach knots. I want to ask what happened, but the answer will destroy one of us.
She blows out a long, low sigh, taking a couple of steps into the room and sitting on the chair. Her back straight, butt barely on the chair as she crosses her legs and folds her hands in her lap. It’s very formal, yet natural for her. Our upbringing was definitely different.
“He didn’t choose me.”
My lips part, letting out a quiet puff of air. I’m struggling to speak, to find the right words so I don’t hurt her. My heart aches for her. I can sense the pain in her eyes. I was wrong before; no matter the answer, it will destroy both of us. “I’m sorry,” I whisper the only words I can muster.
With a humorless laugh, she says, “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault and I’m sorry I ever insinuated it was.” She looks down and picks at her jeans. I sit on the couch, tucking my legs under me and clutch a pillow to my chest. Her eyes find mine and she relaxes and scoots back into the chair, the tension in her shoulders releasing. “Are you scared?” When my brows pinch together in confusion she clarifies, “Kase told me about Ray.”
“I guess. I’ve lived in fear since I was eighteen believing he’d catch up with me, eventually. I don’t want to say I’m immune to the fear because I’m not, I’m scared. I just wish you and Reed hadn’t been thrown into the middle of this. Is Reed okay?”
She shrugs a shoulder, glancing toward the bedroom he disappeared into. “He seems to be handling everything okay. I’m sure he’s having feelings he’s not telling me.”
Agent Clyde walks in again, holding a box. “Figured Reed might like something to do.”
I smile and wipe away a couple tears that escaped, thankful he’s trying to make the situation better. I hear Reed whoop when he sees what’s in the box.
“Mom!” he boasts, running out of the room. “He brought an Xbox. Can I play?”
The shine in his eyes reminds me so much of Kase when he talks about jumping out of planes. I hold a hand over my heart, hoping Kase gets the opportunity to know him. Where do I fit in the picture though? Or do I? He didn’t choose Everly, but does that mean he chose me? If he thinks our relationship will sacrifice his relationship with his son, maybe he doesn’t want to risk that. I throw my head against the back of the cushion. It’s not like I can ask Everly what he said.
“He loves you.” I jerk my head up, staring at Everly. “Kase.” Her voice trails off.
“You don’t need to tell me what happened. I know it hurts.”
She takes a deep inhale and exhales quickly. “I know I don’t. But I can see the hurt in your eyes too. The faster I accept my reality, the quicker I can move on.”
She continues, telling me how Kase thought I had gone missing, the FBI and meeting Max’s crew. We move our conversation into the kitchen where we make dinner and our stories morph into stories about our lives. We laugh about how we both have the same likes and dislikes in food. We lose track of time with question after question to see how alike we are. Before we know it, it's dark outside and Reed has passed out on the couch, tired of listening to us. I could do this all night.
It seems Everly can too. After she put Reed to bed, she came back out, and we started up again. Clyde’s a good man. He also brought us something. I pour my second glass of red wine and offer the bottle to Everly to fill up her glass. We try to keep our laughter down to a minimum, although the more we drink, the harder it is.
As I’m bringing the glass to my lips, I startle when Reed comes running out of the bedroom. We both stand as Reed runs to his mom, wrapping his arms around her waist tight. “Reed, what’s wrong?” Everly asks in a soft voice.
“I heard something outside,” he says, his voice shaking. “Something was tapping on the window.”
She looks at me, concerned. I walk to the curtain, peeking out and see Agent Clyde in his car. Glancing down the lit street, I notice it's empty. “I’ll call Clyde and tell him, but I’m sure it’s just a branch. It’s a little windy,” I say to calm him, despite the fact it’s not windy at all. My heartbeat quickens as I call on the cell phone restricted to only call Clyde. “Okay, he'll check it out, but he’s pretty sure it’s nothing too.”
“Can I sleep out here?” he begs, looking up at his mom.
She brushes his hair to the side and nods. “Sure. I’ll go get a pillow and a blanket.”
Reed runs to the bathroom while we set up a bed on the couch. After dimming the lights, and tucking him in, we move to the dining room. I can’t get rid of the uneasy feeling so I down another glass of wine. Clyde called confirming nothing was out there. Everly insists it’s just his overactive imagination and the scary situation isn’t helping.
The light coming through the drapes shines right on my face. I roll over to escape it. “Dammit,” I mutter, rolling right off the side of the bed. Thankfully, we dragged the mattress to the living room floor and slept on it. The old carpet rubs against my arms. I shiver, not wanting to think about who or what has been on this carpet. Lifting myself back up onto the mattress, I can see Everly laughing at me. I glance over at her and wonder if I look that bad. I mean, I probably do, being we have the same face. Her mascara is smeared down her red cheeks, hair is askew and matted on one side. I narrow my eyes at her, I hope she has the same headache.
“I need Advil and the bathroom,” I rasp, looking at Reed still sleeping. My throat is sore from talking so much.
“Grab me some too,” she moans, laying back. Cheap wine makes for the worst hangovers.
The morning ends up being like last night, minus the wine. We make breakfast and continue our questions. Reed rolls his eyes and escapes to the bedroom, playing the Xbox.
“What’s the Lighthouse?”
I pull my head back and stop folding the blanket mid-air, surprised at her question.
“I overheard Kase ask if you were there when your friend called.”
