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“This is even worse, I don’t realize I’m doing it is the problem which means I can’t stop myself. I can’t put you at risk. I could have killed you, Ellie.”
He’s correct but he wouldn’t hurt me in his right mind. Clearly, he wasn’t himself. Am I a hypocrite if I leave. I’m damaged, and he made me feel the most beautiful I’ve ever felt when he looked at my scars.
I walk in front of him and kneel so I’m at his feet. “How often do you have dreams?”
“It used to be more frequent, but I’ve only had two since we met.”
Hearing that drums up hope that we are helping each other heal. My nightmares have been few and far between the last two months.
“What do you think prompted it?” He shakes his head and runs his hand through my hair. I lean into it, reveling in the warmth.
“It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t live with myself if…” He stops mid sentence. Silence skips between us, the tension in his body creating a barrier around him. “I like you too much to stay.”
“I like you too much to walk away,” I reply, and kiss his hand. His hand wraps around my head and he pulls me up to him.
Forehead to forehead, he whispers. “Please don’t like me.” His voice cracks and the pain in his words shoots straight to my heart.
“Too late,” I whisper back. I press my lips to his, uncertainty rushing through me, hoping he doesn’t push me aside. I ignore the tug-of-war battle in his kiss, nudging closer in between his legs, not losing contact, instead pressing harder against him, determined to go to war with the demon making him think he's not worthy of me. “Please let me in.” Oh, the irony. I want to tell him I love him, but I can’t bring myself to say it. It feels like it would come out of sympathy. I want to say it when the love is blooming out of greatness and not desperation. Instead, I’ll show him.
I lift his shirt and he fists his hands around mine, stopping me. My eyes fly to his, regret etched in his features, I nod tightly demanding he let go. He releases my hands and lifts his arms as I stand, pulling his shirt off. I slip off my sundress, following with my bra and panties. His breath catches as he gazes at my naked body.
“Sit back,” I whisper.
He pauses but then leans back into the couch, his hands lax at his side. When I straddle him, I wait for him to touch me. If it weren’t for the heat in his eyes, I’d think he didn’t want me by his lack of movement. But I can see the desire and need. He wants to, but he’s afraid. I scale my fingers down his flexed arms, into his hands, lifting them up to my heavy breasts. His eyes roll back into his head when I place his hands on them, pressing them into me.
“Touch me, Kase.”
The knot tightening in my chest loosens when he grips my breasts, causing me to whimper. My hips grind down against his basketball shorts. The rough mesh rubbing against my bare wetness. I pull his neck forward, bringing his hot mouth to my boob. It sparks a fire within him and his hands are groping and grabbing me in a heated frenzy. I release a tangled cry of desire when his fingers move through my wetness and he sticks two inside me. I rock against his hand begging for my release as he plunges wildly. His thumb circles my swollen clit.
“Show me how bad you want this, babe,” he rasps in the curve of my neck. The sound of his deep sexy voice pulls me over the top. I moan out as pleasure ripples through my body. “Fuck,” he rasps, withdrawing his fingers and pulling down his shorts underneath me. As soon as his cock springs out, I lower myself onto him, sheathing him entirely, my body shivers uncontrollably. “Ellie, I’m not wearing—”
I make myself gasp as I rise and lower again, taking him as deep as I can. “I don’t care.” My voice is heavy. “I need to feel you.”
He exhales a tight groan and digs his fingers into my hips, stopping me from pushing up again.
Closing his eyes and taking deep breaths, he swallows hard as he searches for the control he craves. But I want it right now. I want all the control. I want him to feel everything I’m giving him: understanding, acceptance and even my love. Our pasts aren’t important, it’s who we are in this moment despite what we tell ourselves. Two broken people who can find solace in the present without being a prisoner of the past.
“I can’t get pregnant, Kase,” I remind him, wondering if that’s what he’s afraid of.
“I don’t care about that,” he grinds out. His eyes flash open to mine, the raw emotions sending waves of dizzying need inside me. “I want you to be sure.”
“I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.” The ardent words slip out of my mouth without regret. I lean forward and kiss him as I grind my hips so his cock hits every sensitive nerve of my inner walls. In a flash, his hands are all over me and he deepens the kiss as he moves his hips with me, my words bringing him to life.
I hold on for the slow sensual ride. Our gaze never breaks, the silent love between us blooming into a defining moment in our relationship, the point of no return.
We accept each other's hidden scars for what they are; our past.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kase
“You fuckers make me happy,” I slur, stumbling out of the town car.
“Polo, we love you too,” Cody yells out the window. I flip him off. My new nickname doesn’t sound funny even when I’m drunk. Our job was a success, rescuing the judge’s daughter. Tonight is why I chose this job. Seeing the gratitude of her parents in the hospital and the glimmer of hope left in their eyes knowing we found their daughter alive is worth every second sitting in a car for hours watching and waiting for scum to make a mistake.
We completed our mission a day quicker than we planned, so we stopped off at a bar on the way back from the airport to celebrate. I might have had too much to drink. I throw the door open to the stairs and take two at a time.
Ellie, I’m coming for you, baby.
