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See, even he thinks I don’t belong here. “I’m Addison Mason. I live here.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he says quickly. His face flushes.
“That’s okay. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here.”
“I’m Stan Bishop. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I can only imagine what he’s heard about me. “If you need anything, please let me know.”
I nod and thank him. As I wait for the elevator, I watch my reflection in the glass. I’ve changed so much since the last time I stood here. The feeling of melancholy washes over me when I think about the last time I was in my apartment. I was wallowing in sorrow thinking that Aiden had left me. He disappeared for a few days to the beach house. So much change.
My reflection vanishes when the doors open and pulls me back to the present. When I step off the elevator, I see a sign on the door that says “Welcome Back.” I told everyone not to be here when I got home. I needed to do this myself, so if there is a group of people in my apartment, I’m going to kill someone.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I slowly open the door and peek into an empty apartment. I look around at everything. Well, life, we’re back in business.
I may have wanted to be alone when I got home, but everyone might as well have been here because my phone has been ringing nonstop. Did you get there? How are you feeling? When can I see you? Are you sure you’re okay?
I settle back into my couch and take a breather between phone calls. I need to get out of here, go for a walk. The liveliness of the city has always energized me.
“Addison.” I whip around at the sound of my name and see Marco swiftly walking toward me as soon as I walk out of my building. I smile but quickly grab my phone like I just received a text. I half expect him to want a hug, so I make my hands look busy. Even though I feel like my old self, I’m definitely not in the mood for flirting. I text Sydney random stuff. She’ll just think I’m bored. “It’s so great to see you,” he says, standing in front of me. He looks down at my phone and then back up to my eyes. I keep both my hands on my phone.
“Hey, Marco, it’s good to see you, too.” I force a smile.
“I heard you were home.” My back straightens. There are only a few people who knew I was coming back, and I just got back today. “I mean, I overheard someone in the restaurant say that you might be coming back soon,” he says backtracking.
I guess that could’ve happened. I stuff my hands in my jacket and stand there, not really knowing what to say. “Well, it was really good seeing you. I need to go back up to my apartment; I think I forgot to turn off my stove. I just needed some fresh air so I walked out without thinking.” I shake my head and wave my hand around. “Silly me.”
His eyes assess me like he’s trying to gauge if I’m telling the truth. I put my hand on the door and his eyes follow my movement.
“Okay, beautiful. Come see me soon. I want to make you your favorite meal.” His smile reaches his striking, dark eyes. He is really an attractive man. Why he’s not taken already surprises me. I blow my cheeks out as I walk back inside. Maybe I’ll skip the walk.
They say time heals, but what if time seems to be standing still? The day changes, but my life feels like it’s staying in one spot. I’m caught in a loop and can’t seem to move forward. The colorful blur of people’s lives pass me while mine seems to be stuck in black and white, motionless.
I get up feeling groggy every morning after taking a sleep aid at night. I’ve tried to stop taking it a couple times because I hate that feeling, but it seems my mind doesn’t want to move on either when I sleep. Why does it want to keep reliving that hell?
Coffee is a must now. Before, I rarely drank it. My chai tea latte was all I needed, and I tried that once but ended up wearing two different pairs of shoes to work. Definitely not strong enough to pull me out of my sleep-induced funk.
Speaking of work, I know everyone there has good intentions, but I’m tired of people walking on eggshells around me. It’s been three and a half months. They are still afraid to talk to me and when they do, their voice drips with pity. I hide out in my office all day.
Sydney is worried about me. At least she’s not treating me like I’m going to break. She’s trying to make me push forward out of my merry-go-round of a life right now.
Syd’s on her way up now. I’m lounging in my pajamas, watching Chip and Joanna on Fixer Upper. I’ve never wanted to live in Waco before, but it’s very tempting watching this show. I want them to do a house for me.
I hear the door open and close. My eyes stay on the TV because the reveal is coming up. I can’t miss that! Syd walks around the couch and plops down.
I look over at her quickly. “Hey,” I say.
“This again?” she says, staring at me.
“What’s wrong with Chip and Joanna?”
She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “I can’t believe they’re making Waco out to be this fabulous place,” she says, waving her hands toward the TV.
I laugh at her. It’s true. It’s a college town and not much else. Well, if you Google Waco, it’s definitely a known town. But good on Chip and Joanna for helping make it a better place.
I shush Syd when the reveal starts. I’d love to have a fixer-upper. I think of Aiden and his beach house, all that work they did and how proud he was of it.
I think of Aiden a lot, wondering how he’s doing and if he’s thinking of me. I’ve picked up my phone so many times I’ve lost count. I mean to call him or text him, but then chicken out. He probably hates me for what I did. The guilt eats at me every day. It’s not my fault … that’s all I ever hear from people. Nothing seems to be my fault, but everything keeps happening to me. Can’t they see it’s me? I’ve been doomed since I was born. Bad luck, bad karma, bad fate … whatever, it’s all BAD.
I get pushed over by Syd’s foot. “What the hell?” I snap.
