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After a few moments, he gathers himself and looks up. “No.”
I nod in understanding and my eyes start to water. Thank God.
The next few days I can really feel the effects of food and fluids. Each day I have more energy. Well … physical energy. Mentally, I still don’t want to get out of bed. If it weren’t for the nurses and Sydney making me walk around the hospital, I would stay in bed. I’ve tried to take less pain meds, thinking that is what’s making me feel so blah. Joe invades my sleep more frequently. I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. Last night my doctor prescribed me a sleeping pill. When I woke up this morning, I felt like my brain was as heavy as a bowling ball. I didn’t want to lift my head off my pillow.
But at least I had a dreamless sleep.
Aiden visits my room at least once a day. We don’t talk. We definitely don’t touch. Each morning he comes into my room with a chai tea latte and banana bread. He watches me for a couple moments, says “I love you” and then leaves. I can’t bring myself to eat or drink his gifts. I want to tell him to stop, because the pain I feel for him is almost too hard to bear. This is entirely my fault, so I’ll bear the pain if it will eventually make him see that I’m not worth it. My soul is tainted with hate that Joe forced into me. I can’t take that back. It’ll always be there. He’ll always be there.
“I see Aiden’s visited this morning,” Syd says, walking into my room and glancing at the table. I nod. “You should drink it. You know you want to.” Her voice is light as she sings the words. I think about that. Do I? I shake my head to my own question. I really don’t. She stares at me and sighs. “Well, I brought you some clean, comfy clothes, so go take a shower and we’ll go walk around.” She throws a bag on my bed and claps to hurry me along.
We’ve been going outside the last two days, but the weather changed again. Typical Texas. The rain and dreary weather is back. It’s exactly how my head feels, dreary with a hundred percent chance of fog. I grab my clothes and trudge to the bathroom. I already know that no matter how much I whine, Sydney won’t let this go. The faster I get this over, the quicker I can wrap back up in my warm bed.
My day with Sydney was uneventful, but now I’m lying in bed, watching the sky light up like fireworks from the lightning. Rain taps on the window and it lulls me to sleep with its rhythmic beats. The sound of a loud clap jolts me out of me sleep. I look around frantically, confused about where I am. My heartbeat is erratic and my breathing is labored. I blow out a huge breath when I recognize that I’m in my hospital room. Another loud clap of thunder hits making the lights flicker out in the hallway. I lie back. It’s just thunder, Addison. It’s not long before the effects from my earlier sleeping pill pulls me under again.
I can feel the heat of the sun on my face before I open my eyes. I let the warmth cover me for a few moments before I begin another day. When I finally open my eyes, the first thing I see is my tree. My eyes fly open wide.
“No, no, no,” I cry as I jump out of bed and run to the window. I don’t even register the pain in my ribs. I lay my forehead against the cold window and stare at my tree. My broken tree. The tree is split in half, one part leaning on the ground. Tears run freely down my cheeks as I mourn Mother Nature’s destruction. Lightning must have hit it last night. Anger bubbles up inside. “Why do you take everything from me?” I cry out to the sky, pounding on the window with my fist. When will fate finally stop with the blows? I can’t take much more. Is that what she wants? Because this is killing me. I’m done living in agony.
“Addison, are you okay?” Aiden’s concerned voice asks from behind me.
My shoulders drop, and I let out an exasperated sigh. “Not now, Aiden.”
“When then? Addison, when will you talk to me? I’m hanging on by a thread waiting for you to see me. See that I want nothing more than to help you.”
I spin around and plant my feet firmly on the ground. The hateful words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Aiden, I can’t be with you. Every time I see you, I see your dad’s face. I see the smirk he had the day my mom lost the light in her eyes.” The venom in my voice frightens me. I can’t believe I’m saying this, yet it’s coming out of my mouth. Stop, Addison! You don’t mean it. But I can’t. I throw my hands out. “I thought Travis was the poison inside of me, but he’s not. My life has been destroyed by the blood that runs through your veins.” I can’t even see straight. The irrational part of my brain that is controlling me right now is blinding.
The door swings open. Syd walks in, rounding Aiden, and stands in between us. “Aiden, I think you need to leave,” she says softly.
He grips his hair and mumbles a few curse words. He spins around and starts to walk out the door. I sharply inhale, gripping my chest, and hold in the cry that wants to come out. He turns around and pins me with his stare. “You don’t mean that. I know you don’t,” he growls, pointing at me. I stay frozen in place, afraid of what else might spew out if I open my mouth. “I’ll leave, Addison.” He swallows back his emotions. “But don’t think for one fucking minute that we’re done.” His shoes squeak when he turns, slams the door open, and walks out.
The cry I was holding in breaks free, and I collapse onto the ground. Syd wraps herself around me and I cry not only for the man who I love but also for the man I just destroyed.
I stuff my hands in my pockets to keep from punching something or someone. My steps are heavy and I’m breathing so hard the bleach undertones in this fucking hospital burn my nostrils. I need to get out of here. I hear footsteps behind me, and I’m almost positive it’s Max; I caught a glimpse of him at the nurse’s station when I stormed out of Addison’s room.
I yank my keys out of my pocket when I approach my car, unlock the doors, and slide inside. Max jumps into the passenger seat without saying a word.
“I don’t think you want to be around me right now,” I grate out.
“Not a chance in hell I’d let you be alone,” he says as he pulls out his phone. When he finds whatever he’s searching for, he looks over at me. “Let’s go.”
I jerk my head in his direction. “Asshole, I’ll need more information than that.” He sarcastically presses the start button with his index finger on his map app, and a woman’s voice comes on and says turn left onto Sage Parkway. I blow out a ragged breath and shake my head. “Max,” I warn. I am not in the mood for jokes.
“Just follow the damn directions, Aiden.”
I sigh and turn the car on. I don’t know where the hell I’m going, but at this point I don’t care as long as it’s away from this hospital. The directions lead us to a biker bar not too far out of town. A few bikes and an old, red, Ford Pickup are parked in front. The sign above the door reads Stokers and it flashes blue every couple seconds.
“How the hell did you know about this place?” I ask, turning the car off and getting out.
“I didn’t. But your options of open bars are limited at this time of morning.”
I flip my wrist, looking at my watch. It’s only nine in the morning, and I don’t give a flying fuck. My heart was just ripped out by the woman I love, stabbed a few times, then handed back to me on a silver platter. Bring on the liquor.
The stench of cigarette smoke clears the lingering ammonia smell as I take in a deep whiff when we walk in. Only a couple of patrons sit at the bar. They glance our way as light from the outside fills the dark room from the open door. The female bartender looks us up and down and tells us to sit wherever. Max walks to a booth in the corner and we slide in.
“What can I get you two gorgeous men?” a female waitress purrs. Her voice is raspy, like she’s inhaled cigarette smoke too long. She has tats splattered all over her chest and arms, and I’d bet all over her body, too. Her bleach-blonde hair is braided to one side, which is in stark contrast to the black tank top she has on.
“Two shots of Jack,” Max tells her, knowing it’s my drink of choice. I stare at him. Only two? Max shakes his head. “Bring the whole bottle.” He whips out his wallet and slaps down a fifty-dollar bill. That’s more like it.
