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“I don’t want to go there without you,” she pouts. “And you need me here with you.”
“I can’t live with any more guilt, Syd. I need you to go.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty for anything, Addison. None of this is your fault. None!” She bolts out of bed, making me jump. I wince at the pain in my ribs. “Oh, oh, oh … I’m sorry,” she quickly says, laying her hand on top of mine, holding my side.
I close my eyes and lean back, taking in a big breath and letting it out slowly. “It’s okay, Syd. I just need to know that you are going to New York.”
She huffs. “Fine. I’m going to New York.” I want to tell her to take Aiden back with her. I have a feeling that he’s going to be more determined than Syd to stay. He can’t. That guilt I shouldn’t have, I do. And a lot of it has to do with Aiden. “I’ll leave when you get out of the hospital. Until then, you’re stuck with me.”
She leans back and I turn on the TV. The next time the doctor comes into the room, Syd moves off the bed so she can check me out. It’s not until the psychologist enters that I ask her to leave. It’s not because she’ll hear something that I don’t want her to know, it’s actually the opposite. She’ll see the wall I let down go right back up. I don’t want to talk to anyone about what happened. Telling it to law enforcement is as far as I’ll go. And that was only so if Rico and any of his men were arrested, they wouldn’t be getting out anytime soon. The agent didn’t elaborate on what happened when I was rescued. I’ll have to get that out of Damon later.
My unwillingness to talk makes the doctor’s visit short. She promises to be back tomorrow, or sooner if I need her. I promise her I won’t need her. After she leaves, I focus on my tree. I always get a sense of calm when I watch it. The sky has a mask of gray clouds and it looks like it’s going to rain any minute. Clouds swirl in the sky and my tree holds onto her leaves for dear life as wind rushes through her. I forgot how volatile Texas weather can be in the winter.
I hear my door open. I don’t look over because I’m sure it’s just Sydney coming back in. When I don’t hear any noises, I turn my head in the direction of the door. Aiden is leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets and his head slightly downcast, but his eyes are pinned on me. His pain radiates off of him. I feel the waves pulsing around my heart, constricting it. I can’t do this. I look away, blinking away my tears.
“Addison, look at me,” he quietly commands. I close my eyes and shake my head. I hear him push off the wall and his heavy steps approaching my bed. I flinch when I feel his hand on top of mine and whip my head back to his direction.
Yanking my hand away from his, I whisper, “Please, don’t touch me.”
“Why are you pushing me away? Addison, I love you. Please let me be here for you,” he murmurs as he falls into the chair. His hands fist my sheets. I feel the slight tug on them.
“I can’t do this,” I say, looking back out the window to my tree. I can’t do us. His touch I once craved now makes my stomach churn. He won’t want me anymore after the guilt settles. Why can’t he see that? I will not be with someone out of a sense of pity or obligation. I’m not going to saddle him with a broken woman. He deserves more. “Syd is moving to New York next week, you should go back with her,” I say flatly.
“What? I’m not going anywhere.” He stands abruptly. His chair scrapes against the floor. The amount of anger inside my body surprises me. The feeling of being trapped again is irrational, but it’s exactly how I feel.
I jerk my head toward him and sit up, wincing again from the damn broken rib. It only adds fuel to my raging fury. “That’s not a decision for you to make, Aiden,” I seethe. “I don’t want you here. You’re not helping me.” His eyes go wide and the hurt reflecting in them squeezes my heart a little more. I’m being a bitch, I know I am, but if it’ll make him leave, then it’s worth it. He’ll understand one day.
“Addison—”
“No!” I scream, interrupting him. I fist my hands and slam them down on my thighs. “Get out!”
The door swings open, and Max walks in. “Aiden,” he says in a low, commanding voice, motioning to the door with his head. Aiden’s eyes narrow as his jaw tightens. His hands fist at his sides, and I wonder if he’s about to hit Max. He turns toward me and the tension in his shoulders fall. His eyes water, and he takes a sharp inhale, blowing it out slowly through his nose.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shaking. I watch as he pivots and paces out the door, not once looking at Max. Guilt and relief collide within me. This is what you want, Addison.
“Goddammit!” I scream, jumping out of bed. I sway from getting up too fast. “Whoa,” I say, grabbing the side of my bed. Max is by my side immediately, steadying me and pushing me back to the bed. I slouch over the side of it and rub my temples. My head is dizzy, and I’m not sure if it’s from lack of oxygen or the fucked-up mess in my head.
“Addison, you need to rest.” You think?
“You need to make Aiden leave.” I look down. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. He’s not going to understand. He’s Aiden’s best friend.
“Addison, I can talk to him, but he won’t listen to me.” He sits down in the chair right in front of me. I sigh, lift my head, and look at him. “He loves you.”
“I know that,” I murmur. “But it’s too much when he’s here. There are expectations that I can’t handle right now. Please talk to him about going back,” I plead.
“I will.” He leans forward on his elbows. I swing my feet back up on the bed, wrapping them in the blanket. Max’s eyes scan my body. His scrutiny embarrasses me, so I bring the blanket up to my chest. The blanket settles over my body, outlining it.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” I whisper. I wasn’t sure who rescued me since the man was dressed all in black, but seeing Max in front of me right now, there is no mistaking that it was him. I remember how huge and hard he was, like he was built of stone, when I was in his arms. I look over at him and he nods. “Thank you.”
“It would’ve been Aiden had I let him.” He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms while he watches me. That doesn’t surprise me at all. I’m glad it wasn’t. It would’ve made everything so much worse. He already knows I’m broken; seeing the hell that I lived in would be etched in his head. Forever.
“You look better.”
“Yeah … water, food, and a shower does a body good,” I say sarcastically.
He sighs. “They won’t ever touch you again, Addison,” he says through gritted teeth. I close my eyes and nod. Just the thought of them touching me again makes my heart start pounding. I take in a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I’m safe. I focus on that.
“Will I have to testify?” I know that Joe is dead, but I’m still not sure about Rico. When Max doesn’t respond, I glance his way. His head hangs and his hands are balled into fists. I can tell he’s trying to control his anger.
