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"Some future," Aiden said, laughing grimly as he stared down at his boots. His lips were trembling faintly, but he tightened them into a firm line, clamping down on his emotions. But he couldn't hide his pain from Seth; it was etched across every line of his face. Seth desperately longed to hold him, to comfort him, to somehow try to make things right.
"I didn't want you to carry that burden," he said quietly.
Aiden's head came up with a jerk. "So, you lied to me?" he asked, eyes blazing. "You ruined your life, Seth! You treated me like a fucking idiot!"
Seth wanted to defend himself but couldn't, and he hated it. "I was older than you, Aiden. I could take it."
"And I couldn't? Is that it?" Aiden's tone was venomous. "You really think so little of me?"
A hot spark lit up Seth's chest. "Stop twisting my words," he warned. "It's normal to protect someone you love."
Aiden's laughter was loud and bitter. "Protecting me?" he asked incredulously. "You know, I've heard that all my life? From you—from mom. You weren't protecting me, Seth. You just didn't trust me enough to handle the truth!"
Aiden's hurt was bleeding out of him, and Seth couldn't take it. He reached for Aiden with a trembling hand. "Baby, please listen?—"
"Don't touch me," Aiden snarled, stumbling back. "You don't get to play hero anymore, dammit. You let everyone think you were a failure! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel now? Knowing that it was me who ruined you?"
Seth's throat tightened with guilt. "You were just a kid."
"A kid?" Aiden hissed. "Even if that was true, it sure ain't true anymore. You should've told me. I deserved that. What kind of man am I if I can't even own up to my mistakes? You took that away from me."
It felt like the barn was shrinking around them. The walls were closing in. Seth's heart pounded, and his palms began to sweat. He didn't think he'd ever felt so ashamed, not even when he'd looked his father in the eye and lied about what happened that night. "What good would it have done to tear open that scar after all this time?" he asked helplessly. "I didn't make those sacrifices just for you to suffer for it anyway. You didn't deserve that kind of guilt."
"What about you?" Aiden's voice broke, spilling over with raw emotion. "You took everything on your shoulders and pushed me away! You should have trusted me, Seth. You should have given me a chance to handle it."
"I'm sorry," Seth whispered. "I never meant to hurt you."
Aiden's lips twitched, but it wasn't a smile. He closed his eyes and shook his head, his expression filled with deep sorrow. "You don't understand, Seth. I've been fighting with myself all my life, trying to be something more than just a screw-up. But…deep down, I've always known what I am. I just thought…I thought maybe you saw me as something more."
A lump rose in Seth's throat, impossible to swallow no matter how many times he tried. He reached out, clasping Aiden's face in his hands and forcing him to meet his eyes. "I've never seen you as a screw-up, Aiden," he said fiercely. "I've always believed in you."
Aiden's laughter was a weak puff of breath. "I wish I could believe that."
"I love you," Seth said desperately.
The silence that followed was heavy. Aiden's expression twisted, and he closed his eyes, breathing like a wounded animal. Seth had never seen him so broken.
"How can that be true?" Aiden asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. "How could I ever believe it now?"
Aiden was loud, vivacious, and expressive by nature. Seth had never seen him shut down like this, and it terrified him. A deep sense of loss began to creep through him, drying his mouth and filling him with so much grief and fear that he couldn't speak.
Without meeting Seth's eyes, Aiden reached up to cover Seth's hands with his own and remove them from his skin. Then he turned and walked away…breaking Seth's heart with every step.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
AIDEN:
The Trophy Club was buzzing with the usual reckless energy of a small-town Friday night, but Aiden felt like he was suffocating. The air was so humid it felt like little shocks of lightning might spark under the roof any minute. His mind was raging. His thoughts tumbled together in a slush of half-formed emotions, drowning out the clink of glasses and the dull roar of a dozen conversations. The scent of beer and fried food mingled in the air, churning his acidic stomach. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten, but the idea of forcing a cold, greasy onion ring down his throat made him want to puke.
He leaned heavily against the pool table, bloodshot eyes narrowed in concentration as he lined up his next shot. His limbs felt heavy and uncoordinated from too much booze and too little sleep. He'd been camped at the bar since he'd been sent home from work early that afternoon. Celia had taken one look at his green complexion and unshaven chin and declared him so hungover he'd become a liability. The irony wasn't lost on him—he was just too far gone to care.
"Hey, you gonna make that shot or just stare at it all night?" Jake called, kicking back and nursing a beer at a sticky four-top. His pool cue rested across his lap, nearly taking out his girlfriend, Cherilyn, as she approached with a basket of burgers.
Aiden shot him a glare but said nothing. Jake had a temper that Aiden usually managed to avoid with a few lighthearted jokes, but after a week of barely any sleep, he didn't trust himself to open his mouth.
He hadn't spoken to Seth since he'd left the barn that disastrous morning. He'd hitched a ride down the mountain with Riley and switched his cell phone to mute. When that didn't work, and he found himself waking every hour to check his missed calls, he blocked the number. Then he threw his phone across the room and shattered the screen.
He wasn't a fool; he knew if he dared to listen to Seth's voice, he'd go running back into his arms. It was all he wanted—all he'd ever wanted. Seth owned him, body and soul, from the moment he'd pulled over and grinned at Aiden from behind his mirrored sunglasses. He was everything to Aiden; he'd given him love, belonging, and a sense of purpose. How had Aiden thanked him? By ruining his life.
