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“Okay, then tell me one thing that you’re afraid of. Just one. You can give me that much. I know you can.”
Oh, gosh.
His kind words, and the soft way he was caring for me—something inside of me wanted to give him what he asked for.
I didn’t know why.
But it did.
“I—I’m scared I’ll have these dreams every night for the rest of my life,” I blurted out all at once. I waited for him to tell me I was stupid. Or crazy.
Instead, he leaned down and kissed my lips. It was just a chaste kiss, but I could feel the meaning behind it.
“Thank you for sharing that with me.” He rested his forehead next to mine. “The doctors all said you could try a medication that might help. Do you want to do that?”
My body got stiff, and the fear returned. There wasn’t much I could contribute to my baby. But the one thing I could give him was my breastmilk. “But then the baby couldn’t have my milk,” I told him another fear I had. Not being able to feed my baby.
Not that I was now, anyway. But at least I was part of the supply chain.
Carlo smiled and moved his head back. “Yes, you can. Every doctor has told us that.”
I thought about it for a minute. “They did? Why can’t I remember that?” I searched his face for answers. Was my memory failing, too?
“Maybe because you had a traumatic birth that nearly cost you your life. And maybe because you spent a week getting blood transfusions and surgeries to save your life.”
His fingers trailed up my arm. “And maybe because you’re still healing from all of that. And, Giselle, that’s a lot of shit to have to heal from.”
I bit my lip and considered his explanation. All of that had happened.
And it had sucked.
Luckily, I didn’t remember much about the ICU. Except for a lot of worried faces every time I woke up.
And how devastated I felt for not being dead.
“Think about it. If you want to try some medication, tell the doctor tomorrow morning when she comes. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. I know you’ll make the right decision for you. For us.”
He leaned down and touched his lips to my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep before the baby wakes up.” Carlo turned off the lamp and settled me at his side. “I love you, Giselle. So much.”
For some reason, I still couldn’t return the sentiment.
But inside my head, I said, “I love you, too, Carlo,” for the first time since I’d been home from the hospital.
7
Giselle
“No, we’ll start you out with a very small dose and see how things go. In a week or two, we’ll reassess and see how you’re feeling.” The doctor sat down on my bed and handed me a small bottle of pills. “I have to be frank with you, here, Mrs. Sovrano.” Carlo had told her we were married. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t really mind.
She grasped my hand in hers. “These aren’t a miracle cure. They typically take time to work. And you’re still in considerable pain. Mr. Sovrano informed me that you’re not taking anything to relieve that pain. In order to heal, you need to move around. And in order to move around, we need to relieve your pain. Now I’m not talking about narcotics. Just regular old ibuprofen will help you out considerably.”
I nodded and looked at the pill bottle in my hand. Was I ready to try taking pills?
“I’m recommending one of my colleagues come visit you this afternoon. She’s a licensed therapist. And I think she can help you out, too. If you let her.”
The doctor rose to her feet and let go of my hand. “If you have any concerns at all, feel free to contact me at any time of the day or night. Good luck, Mrs. Sovrano. And I truly hope you take those pills.”
She turned and swept out of the room so quickly I barely saw her leave.
