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The longer he sits, watching without a word, the tighter my nerves twist.
I’ve made a mistake.
It doesn’t matter that we’re soulmates.
This is still too aggressive.
What if the picture of the future that I have is nothing like the one he wants?
But, but, the whole point is we’re supposed to be planning together.
And he’s not helping.
What am I supposed to do if I’m putting in all the effort by myself? Again.
That’s not how a relationship works. That’s not how I want this relationship to work.
I just don’t know what to do to help him see that he’s so much more than the way he talks about himself. I can handle whatever it is he’s agonizing over. So far, everything I’ve learned about being fae has felt like coming home.
And, yet, it won’t be home if I have to navigate it all alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
I have never wanted to be alone.
But I never, never know how to make people stay.
A teardrop falls onto the card beneath my hand: my dream career. Literally not an assistant. Sniffling, I scrub my cheek, but another droplet hits the large red lines of a capital NOT, and the marker runs into an ugly splotch.
Ollie swears.
“I…I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Setting his bowl of pasta down, he wraps me up in a hug. “Hush… You’re perfect.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know, beautiful.” His breath skims into my hair while my tears soak into his clothes.
“Please. Talk to me.”
He whispers a curse. “You deserve better than me.”
“I know you believe that, but I just can’t believe it, too.”
“Oh, sunshine…” His heart pounds against my head. “I have nothing to offer you but shame. I am not strong enough to claim your soul and keep the death of your humanity from taking your entire life. As you are, our lifespans will not match, and while I would more than willingly love you through the ages you have, I can’t say that our children wouldn’t suffer depending on how their fae parts and human parts collide. I cannot become human nor can I give you a full future unless you become fully fae…”
“Fully fae? Like in the stories where werewolf bites turn people into werewolves?”
His fingers slip through my hair. “Like in real life. Where choosing me—marrying me—means swearing an oath of forever and letting me rip you out of the world you know, away from your parents and your sister, all so I can bring you into disgrace.”
My own heartbeat echos in my skull. I whisper, “Disgrace? Just because you don’t measure up to your brothers’ standards…?”
“No. Because…I had no intention of looking for you and no intention of meeting you if you ever did cross my path. I traded myself for moments that made me believe I was wanted or useful. I became the joke to feel in control of the punchline.” Something wet sticks in his voice. “You need more than my soiled love, Brittny. Even if by some miracle of cosmic attraction you convince yourself to forgive me and accept me with all my faults, I cannot rightfully allow you to give up everything you have loved for me. I just…can’t. I love you too much to keep you. And yet, now, I don’t know how to let you go.”
I still in his arms. “You…”
“I did not wait for you.”
