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I slow my breathing until I feel stable again. No need to have a panic attack until I know what's going on. “I should check what all Jett said.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Blake asks with a mouth full of food. We really are quite the duo.
“No, but I can't keep pushing it off. I have to face him, eventually. May as well know what I’m walking into.” I tuck my feet under me and face my best friend. "Voicemails or texts first?"
“Definitely texts. Let’s ease into it.” She leans closer as I open the conversation, reading out loud as I go.
Jett: Where are you???
Jett: I’m sorry. Please, just let me know you’re ok.
“Well, that seems fairly calm,” Blake notes. But instead of calming me, it sets me on edge. I can understand Jett being upset, I expected it, but being calm makes no sense. That's not like him at all. Where's the temper tantrum?
“I guess we should see what the voicemails say.” I close out the texts and tap on the call log.
“How many are there?”
“Sixteen missed calls, but only three voicemails”
“Oh… that’s… alright.” It’s rare that Blake is speechless. I hate this already. But the only way out is through, so I hit play, and we listen together.
“Elizabeth, what the hell? Where’d you go? You just ran off without saying anything. Call me back.”
“I called your mother. But apparently you haven’t spoken to her either. I’m at a loss here. You won’t answer me. What else am I supposed to do? Why are you hiding? This isn’t right, Elizabeth. We need to speak.”
“Fucking hell, Elizabeth Jewel. I’m tired of this bullshit. You need to tell me where you are. Who do you think you are to run away from ME, and then refuse to speak to me like a grown adult? You’re a child. I can’t believe I considered spending my life with you. I offer you the world and this is how you repay me? Quit being a little bitch. This is the last time I’m reaching out. I won’t let you make an ass out of me. Call me back. It’s for your own good.”
I stare at my phone, processing the spew of hatred in Jett’s voice. He has his own flaws. He gets mad easily, but he’s never sounded so evil. Although I probably deserve it since I left him hanging in the middle of family and friends. That had to be embarrassing. Which is something Jett Dixon does not handle well. But now I'm wondering if it unlocked some side of him I didn't know existed. I should have seen it. I'd like to think I have a radar for those kinds of people. Growing up with it makes you keen on that sort of thing. Jett hid it well, though. Either that or my radar is off.
“Fuck that!” Blake shouts. “Fuck him, Libby, and I don’t mean in the fun way.”
Once again, I agree with her. Nothing good can come from talking to someone who is that mad. I’ve been there, done that, and have no desire to do it again. But that doesn't stop the panic that is slowly building in my chest, making it harder to breathe “I need some fresh air.”
4
Walking down the sidewalk, I’m on high alert. Anxiety is a bitch. Not only does it mess with your mind and make you feel like there's danger on every corner, it also wears your body down. Clenched muscles and rigid movements take a toll on you after a while. And after three blocks of walking while fighting a panic attack, I'm pretty spent.
“What’s wrong?” Blake stops in front of me, causing me to almost run into her.
“Nothing, I’m just worn out.” It’s the truth, even if I don’t tell her the exact reason.
Her brows crease. “Libby, we’ve known each other for over ten years. I can tell when you’re not telling me things.” Well shit. Of course she can. She knows me more than anyone. I don’t know why I thought I could get anything past her. But just because she knows there's something more going on, doesn't mean I have to tell her what it is. My anxiety is my demon. And I fight it alone.
“Sorry. Everything has been so messy lately, the last thing I want to do is bore you with my issues.”
“I take offense to that,” she gasps, hands clenching her chest, dramatic as always.
“It’s nothing against you, B. I’m just tired of always battling curveballs. It's like it's my damn personality at this point." From growing up in a toxic household, never knowing what environment I was walking into or if I was going to be kicked out by the end of the night, to my mother leaving me high and dry after my dad did the same, I'm just tired.
“For once I just want to be Libby, your roommate that you’re going on a walk with.”
After studying me for way too long, she gives in. “Fine. But I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.” We walk in silence for a long while until we turn the corner to her street and we hear a familiar voice.
“Elizabeth.” The sound of my name makes every hair on my body stand up, and I stop dead in my tracks at the same time as Blake.
“What the fuck do you want, Jett?” She asks while shooting daggers at him.
“This has nothing to do with you, Blake,” he insists.
