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“What? I agreed he’s attractive. But I’m still in a relationship. I think.” I take the ice cream scoop from her and keep filling our bowls.
She narrows her eyes at me. “You definitely aren’t in a relationship anymore, so there isn’t anything wrong with fantasizing about the man.”
I drop the scoop into the sink with a loud clunk. “I am not fantasizing about him! And I’m pretty sure I’m still in a relationship since I accepted his proposal not even twelve hours ago.”
“Libby, I watched as Colt basically undressed you with his eyes. And I for sure noticed the way you salivated over him doing it.”
Colt. I make it a point to remember his name. I know nothing about him other than his looks, but it suits him. It's strong. Masculine. Like the veins in his forearms and how they encased his muscles. Or the beard that coated the bottom half of his face.
“Whatever.” I surrender. There’s no point in arguing with her. I can deny it all I want, but we both know the truth. Seeing him eye me like I was a piece of meat did something to my insides. I should be ashamed; women have fought to be seen as more than something to be devoured, but something about Colt makes me think he savors every bite he takes. So no, I’m not embarrassed by my reaction. I’m only embarrassed that we had an audience.
“Exactly.” Blake pulls me out of my thoughts. “But going back to your earlier statement, did you forget that you ran after you accepted Jett’s proposal? And you haven’t spoken to him since. I think by default that means you are no longer together.”
I don’t have an answer, though I’m not sure Blake is even asking a question. Is she right? Am I single now? My palms begin to sweat as the panic sets in. Change has always been a big issue for me, even if it is for the best.
“Actually, I think I’m just going to try to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”I don’t want to start panicking in front of Blake. It’s the one thing I’ve always kept from her
“Suit yourself.” She scrapes my bowl into hers. "More for me then." She looks slightly disappointed, but I need to get away before my anxiety gets debilitating. I give her a hug and a small smile, then retreat to her secondary bedroom, where I have slept many times.
I get under the covers, preparing for the battle my head is about to impose on me. So much has happened in the past twenty-four hours. This time last night I was laying in my bed. The one I had slept in for the last three years. On the other side was the man that I had shared my life with for half a decade. Everything was comfortable. Not without its challenges, but nothing is perfect. At the end of every day, I knew where my head was going to lay, how my next morning was going to go, and that every night I would have dinner at my kitchen table with the man that promised to be my constant. It was a sure thing.
But then he had to propose to me. Jett knows I hate surprises. I need to count on things, not blindsided. It throws me into fight or flight every time.
Panic prickles at my neck.
It’s been a long time since those instincts have kicked in. It’s why I have to keep things comfortable and consistent. My childhood was anything but, and I promised my younger self that I would give her a better life than what she had when things were out of her control.
Now here I am, in my best friend's apartment, in another man’s clothes, and no idea what tomorrow holds. I don’t know if I’m single or engaged. Nor do I know when I’m going to talk to Jett about what happened. I’m not sure I even want to, but there’s no way around it.
The sensation moves lower, sitting heavy in my chest.
I need to let go of what happened today and try to relax. Everything can wait until tomorrow. Now that I have had time to mull over the whole engagement thing, maybe I’ll be able to handle the situation better. Surely Jett will hear me out. He isn’t known for having a sympathetic side. But if he really loves me, enough to want to marry me, then surely he’ll be open to talking.
My breathing kicks up a notch, and I try to shake out my now tingly fingers.
I close my eyes, hoping I can fall asleep quickly. But as I lay here in the empty bed, I can’t stop the memory of a certain set of brown eyes trailing over my body. Or reminiscing about how it felt when he looked directly at the camera, as if he wanted me to feel like he was looking into my soul on purpose. I wonder what it would be like to have those same eyes on me in person.
Sigh. My life is too messy to afford that kind of fantasy tonight. Maybe one day.
3
“Knock, knock!” Blake pops her head into the room as I open one eye. I am not ready to face the day.
“What time is it?”
“Noon”
I shoot up in bed. “I slept for thirteen hours?”
“Fourteen, if my math is correct,” Blake says as she opens the curtains.
All the memories I had pushed away to drift off came flooding back. “Shit. I have to call Jett.” He has to be livid. I ran off on him after he proposed and haven't said a word since. I'd be pissed if I were in his shoes. Then again, I wouldn't have proposed to my girlfriend without ever talking to her about it.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Blake sits next to me. “There is nothing so important that it can’t wait a few more hours. Take a shower and get refreshed. I’ll order us some lunch and then we can make a game plan.” Her logic makes sense, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Blake is more of the save it for later type. I'd rather deal with things immediately. That way, they don't linger.
“I probably have a million missed calls,” I mutter, rubbing my aching head.
“You absolutely do. I plugged your phone in this morning and it’s been going off like crazy. But it’s nothing that needs your attention right now. It’ll still be there when you’re refreshed and refueled.” A shower does sound nice. Maybe it'll help clear my head before dealing with the mess I've made.
