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“But if you shouted at Harper, you shouted at our baby as well. I’m really glad it doesn’t have ears yet,” she informed me in a voice that was far more scolding than anything Stuart had said to me.
“I’m sorry, Baby, I didn’t mean to shout. Sometimes when we are afraid or passionate about something, we don’t always deal with situations in the right way.”
“That was bad,” she told me in a stern voice, and my heart squeezed tight that my baby could differentiate to the extent that she had. I knew then my reaction had affected her in a negative way.
“You’re right. I’m going to apologize right now,” I agreed, placing the coffee cup down Matty had put in my hand.
As I walked toward the hallway, I heard the front door close, and through the window I saw Harper get into Diane’s car. “Fuck,” I muttered, knowing immediately she’d left the house to make space between us.
I felt ashamed that I hadn’t found the confidence to deal with what Harper had told me in a far more rational way.
The caveman in me would have jumped on my motorcycle and gone after her, but I knew if I had, it would have only taken the tension between us outside the home. I could understand Harper’s need to get away from me because she’d seen how dogmatic I could be when I really disagreed with something.
I figured right then, no matter what words I chose to argue my choice for the place of the birth, any suggestion I put forward for going to the hospital would inevitably be mute, and all because I hadn’t been able to keep a civil tongue in my head.
With asking Stuart to saddle Elbe up and Harper disappearing, I decided to use the morning to take Layla for a pony trek. I think if I hadn’t suggested this, she wouldn’t have spoken to me at all. Stuart offered to tag along, but I thought it would be better to take Layla on my own because I had some fences to mend with her.
The atmosphere was frosty, and I had to accept responsibility for how Layla had viewed me. Riding mellowed Layla after a while and eventually she addressed the topic, which had caused the rift between us.
“Why did you shout at Harper?”
“That was naughty of me, Layla, and I’m sorry. Harper didn’t tell me what she had in mind for where our new baby is to be born.”
“Where else would it be born?” she asked, her eyes wide and round and staring at me like I was crazy for not agreeing to this.
“I’d prefer our baby to be born in the hospital where it’s safe,” I reasoned.
“I don’t want my Harper to go to the hospital,” she suddenly stated. “It wasn’t safe for my mommy when she had me.”
Grace’s situation wasn’t the same, but in the simplest terms, I couldn’t argue with that, and the way she’d referred to Harper as ‘my Harper’ spoke volumes on where Layla’s loyalties lay.
“I’ll speak to her and make it right, I promise.”
“And you won’t do it again?” she asked, the questioning tone held another hint for a promise.
“No. I can’t guarantee I won’t raise my voice, because that’s what normal couples do.”
“But Harper isn’t a couple.”
“Harper and I are a couple.”
“Then you should do what makes her happy. That’s what The Beast does for Beauty.” I couldn’t help smiling when she used the analogy for Harper and me, but I promised to try harder to make Harper feel happy about having our new baby.
After a three-hour ride, we made it back to the stables and the first thing that caught my eye was Diane’s car parked again in front of the drive. My heart rate raced knowing Harper was home and I couldn’t wait to talk to her to make things right again.
Ten minutes later, after settling our rides in the stables, Layla opened the back door and I immediately heard Harper’s voice in the kitchen. Reminding Layla to wash her hands, I was annoyed when she began to do this, but ran off in search of Harper before we were finished.
By the time I reached the kitchen, I saw Layla was on Harper’s knee with her arms around her neck. I caught Matty’s attention from the doorway and asked her to distract Layla so that I could speak with Harper.
Matty asked Layla for some help in filling the small flour canister from the larger one in the pantry, and once they had gone, I wandered into the kitchen and sat down beside Harper at the table.
Taking Harper’s hand, I lifted it gently and brought it to my lips. “I’m really sorry, Baby. I’ve been known to have a temper when I’m stressed, but I’ve rarely raised my voice in this house. I hope you know I’m better than I behaved today.” Harper’s sad tear-filled eyes stared intently into mine.
“You have to know I’m trying… and I know you’re doing everything you can to keep the stress levels down for both of us; but making a decision like that without any consultation with me wasn’t right. Of course, it’s your body, Harper, but you’re so fucking important to us, the thought of anything risky is out of the question.”
“No, it’s not. There is probably more risk of intervention and something disrupting the natural process of giving birth in the hospital than there is here at home with a good midwife and a doctor standing by.”
Gazing intently, I knew not to push any more at that time and shook my head. “We’re going to discuss this again. I appreciate you’ve tried to protect me, but this should have been a discussion before you calmly announced to Layla what the plan for the birth was, without even attempting to check out what my thoughts were.”
