AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Fuck.
The call was supposed to be about apologizing and letting her know I’d changed my mind about what happened; to hint at the possibility we could be more, but when I heard how resigned she was as to my previous point of view. I had no choice but to open up and tell her how I felt about her.
“Whether or not you are my employee has nothing to do with how I feel. Since I’ve had time to think I’ve realized how focused I was in the past. Even though Grace isn’t here anymore I thought having some of those feelings for another woman meant I was being disloyal.”
“So, in three weeks you’ve found some capacity in your heart to fit me in there?”
“That’s a crass analogy,” I argued.
“Is it? Can you hear yourself, Cole? Some of those feelings? Do I look like someone who’d be happy to be squeezed in like some consolation prize? From all accounts Grace was a wonderful woman, a beautiful woman. I’m sorry I never met her, but you’re right, I can’t replace her, nor would I want to.”
“Can we talk about this when I get home? That’s what this call was about.”
“Was it? Or was it that Dorian told you I had a date?”
Fuck.
“It was my intention to talk to you when I called Layla this evening.”
“Are you sure about that, or did it become a priority when you knew I was with someone else? I mean given your reaction when Dorian and I were alone, sharing a joke?”
“This isn’t the same thing at all,” I urged.
“If you say so, Cole, but if it makes you feel less anxious, Luke and I… it’s very early days. One date doesn’t mean I’m going to desert Layla. It’ll take something special to lure me away from supporting her.”
“This isn’t about Layla,” I argued again.
“No, Cole it’s about you deciding what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Unfortunately for you, I have a life too. You and Layla have been my priority in every decision I’ve made for the past six years, but I’m almost twenty-seven years old. I need to start making decisions for me.” Her eyes searched my face for a few seconds. “I’ve got to go to bed, Layla will be up in a few hours.”
By disconnecting the call, Harper gave me no opportunity to defend myself, but was right to be angry with me. I had been so absorbed in my own situation I had completely ignored hers.
Moz was the first to comment about my snarky mood the following morning, not that I cared. During our radio interview I barely spoke, letting Scuds and Fletch do most of the talking. When we were finally done, I pulled out my phone and Skyped JoAnn.
“Hey, Cole, to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I could do with some advice,” I admitted, because I wanted her opinion since she knew my story and relayed the Skype call from the night before; including my plans with Layla.
“Sounds to me like Harper’s got a diversion.”
“But what if he’s not? What if this guy is everything she wants? I mean he’s not fucked up like me. He’s got a kid at the same school as Layla and he works from home.”
“Or is she passing time with him? Does she really believe it’s never going to happen with you?”
“I don’t know what to say. How can I say I’d give her everything? Sure, I’ve got feelings, but I’m not ready for any kind of commitment. Lady, I lost the person I expected to spend my life with, how do I risk that kind of heartbreak again? Fuck, I sound like a broken record. One minute I think I’m moving on and the next I’m being backed into a corner.”
“No one is boxing you in, Cole. This is about Harper. She has every right to make her own life. Look, all is not lost; she’s had one date that you know of. You have a choice now. This girl can’t be just enough for you, she needs to be everything. Why shouldn’t she expect this? You gave that to Grace. If you can’t do this, then she’s a poor second, just like she feels she is.”
“I know,” I replied and sighed heavily. “It’s too soon to know if…”
“If what? If you love her? Do you love her?”
“No… that’s a lie,” I amended quickly, “Yes, I do, but it’s different. Different from Grace.”
“Could that be because you feel disloyal by sharing yourself with someone else?”
“Of course. I never wanted anyone else. No one appears to understand this.”
“I do. I get it. Someone doesn’t have to die in order to break your heart, Cole. Some people experience a love that’s shallow, perhaps one full of passion, and when the passion dies, they move on. Problem is not everyone loves in the same way. Some people love so deep, their mind absorbs so much pain, they never love again. Then from what I’ve seen in the little time I’ve known you, there are people like you who because you loved Grace deeply you feel it would be a betrayal to love someone else.”
