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It was clear Harper still wasn’t satisfied with my determination not to let things go further between us. Scooping her hair to one side with her hand, Harper let the long dark brown silky strands sift closely through her relaxed fist. Turning her body to face me, she sighed heavily again.
“What you’re saying is I’m good enough to care for your daughter, but not good enough for you.”
I frowned in frustration. “Absolutely not. What I’m saying is this isn’t a matter of whether you’re good enough for me, and incidentally you’re way too good; too… wholesome and pure.”
“And Grace wasn’t?”
I scowled angrily.
Challenging me with a piercing stare, fury flashed in her eyes. “Say you’re not interested, or let me decide who I’m good enough for. And while we’re at it, newsflash, Cole, you can’t control everything around Layla. That girl is going to grow up to be a brat if you let her manage the household. She’s almost six years old, and she’s going to experience change throughout her life, no matter what. Do her a favor and teach her resilience now or you’ll have a neurotic teen who is stuck in her ways.”
Her comment stunned me.
“Look, this is about not rocking the boat for Layla, she’s more adaptable than you give her credit for. You have to build on that.”
I shook my head, because this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I knew she was trying to goad me with the Layla comments and drew her back to the matter at hand.
“Back off, Harper, like I said, you have no idea who I am.”
“So you keep saying. Fuck, Cole. Get. A. Life.”
“I had a life and look how that turned out,” I ground out.
Harper’s eyes softened, and she edged her way forward in her seat. Clasping her hands in front of her brought my attention to her pert cleavage, which heaved as she inhaled and sighed. “I get you’re scared. Fuck, if it were me I’d be petrified, walking in your shoes.”
“Yet you’re willing to bust my balls for a fuck? Because that’s all it would be between us, Harper.”
“Are you telling me you’ve been celibate since your wife died?”
My heart faltered, and my chest felt tight at being called out. There had been a lot of women, but I didn’t talk about them, especially not at home. When I didn’t respond, she huffed out an indignant reply. “Huh.” Her flat huff confirmed she knew there had been others.
“None of them meant anything.”
“None of them?”
Frustration got the better of me, “Yeah, if we’re airing my dirty laundry then sure, them, as in multiples. See, I’m not a fucking saint. I lost my wife… the love of my life. I don’t want to feel those feelings again.” My words were sculpted to have a negative effect.
“Fuck you,” she whispered and rose slowly from the couch. “Have it your way, but this isn’t a tour for the sake of it. You’re running away from your feelings. Well, newsflash, Cole, you’re too late, because they’ve already caught up with you, and you’ll be taking them with you.”
Before I could protest, she stood swiftly and left the room. I didn’t go after her. There was no point. I sat staring at the fire, and when the flames died and all that was left was the dim glowing embers, I wondered when I had gotten so adamant about trying to do the right thing.
My relationship with Harper was strained after our Christmas night blowout and I avoided being around her whenever possible. None of the family noticed, as they focused their attention on Layla. As soon as my daughter went to bed and everyone settled down to watch a movie together, I made the excuse of a headache and went to bed early because I was concerned I’d lose my temper or worse if I had to face another confrontation with Harper.
Thankfully, I caught a break and Harper and Layla were busy with play dates and parties. And it was easier with all the time my mom and Grace’s parents were around because Harper made some space by driving home during the day to spend time with her own family. In the evenings when she came home, she went straight to her room.
Layla was her usual self, totally unaware of the rift between Harper and me, but since Grace’s parents had been around, she had more and more questions about her mom. After talking to everyone about my intentions, they agreed with my plan to teach Layla what death meant and show her Grace’s final resting place.
Angus and Dinah stuck around for Layla’s sixth birthday and Harper threw her a huge party, which I only attended briefly due to the number of parents and kids. I didn’t want to take the glory off Layla’s day. Besides, Layla’s birth had left me with bittersweet feelings about the gift Grace gave me, and the life we’d both lost.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
When we reached the landmark six-year anniversary, Layla and I were swept up in a wave of love I could never have expected.
The dreary January morning had started out just as I had planned. The house was still and deserted save for Layla and me. Instead of a family pilgrimage, I’d arranged that Dorian have everyone over for breakfast leaving Layla and I alone to talk.
Packing a small picnic basket, I strapped her into the booster seat of the small Jeep to drive her down to the long meadow and toward our manmade lake. I thought I’d done a great job of preparing her for the graveside until a comment she made almost choked me.
“Are we going to see Mommy now?” My heart squeezed painfully tight by the innocence of my daughter’s tender years.
