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“You’re leaving again.” It wasn’t a question and when I shot her a glance, she was still staring at the fire.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, because the way she learned about me going back to work had been a deliberate piss poor effort to hurt her. I knew it was a malicious attempt to drive her away, but I needed that wedge between us because, the longer I stayed the more likely my resistance would crumble.
“Yeah… are you?” I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d wanted to leave after the way I had treated her.
Staring at me, her eyes widened, and she bit her lip. “Is that what you want?”
“Hell, no. You know that’s not what I want.” My heart beat wildly in my chest and the sense of relief I felt from her counter question made me more disgusted by what I had done. “Jesus, Harper. I need to get out of here for a while. Don’t you see why I’m so averse to messing around with your feelings?”
“Haven’t you done that already?” Her eyes glanced up at the ceiling. “I mean, what the fuck was that upstairs?”
“That was me losing control and almost taking what I wanted instead of doing what I need to… what we need me to do. I’m sorry, it should never have happened.”
“Why? Because the only emotion you’re allowed to feel is how much you miss your wife?”
“Bad form, Harper. That remark is way below the belt.”
“From where I’m sitting there was way more going on below the belt up there, than my honesty.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Harper. All you know of me is the grief-stricken single dad. You said it yourself, you don’t know who I really was before and what my capabilities were. Believe me, these days you wouldn’t want to find out.”
“Wouldn’t I? I’m not a child, and to be perfectly straight with you, you have no idea about me. All you know is the efficient surrogate mother your daughter has.”
“Is that what you think you are? Surrogate?” I thought for a second and nodded. “Not a surrogate, a substitute, and one day you’ll give my daughter’s care over to someone else,” I replied with a bitter taste in my mouth.
“If you’re trying to hurt me, Cole, believe me, it’s working; but if it makes you feel better have at it. I’m perfectly willing for you to take all that fucking bitterness and anger out on me if that’s what it takes to bring you back to life.”
“And you’re volunteering for what? To let me use your body? What exactly are you willing to give me, Harper?”
“Whatever it takes to make you stop being the pissy self-absorbed asshole you’ve turned into these past few weeks.”
“Really, and your attitude hasn’t been off? You think I haven’t noticed the scorned wife act you’ve been displaying, moping around here like I’m cheating on you or something?”
Watching Harper’s neck jut back at the same time as a slight flush crept over her face told me I’d hit the mark. “Ah no, I got it, this is about me finding someone else?”
“That’s none of my business—”
“Damn straight it’s not. But what do you want to know? Have I fucked anyone lately? What do you think? I see how you look at me,” I countered, without thinking.
“Yeah, and I’m glad that you do, because you feel the same way.”
“It isn’t like that.”
“Stop repeating yourself and get your head out of your ass.”
Eyeing her with suspicion, I stared closely, “Are you fucking with me?”
“You know the answer to that, but that’s your call.”
“That was a lapse of judgement upstairs.”
“No that was your true colors shining through, Cole. I’m glad they did because it showed me all the eye-fucking you’ve done whenever we’ve been in the same room isn’t my imagination.”
Years ago, if an attractive woman had spoken to me with the amount of confidence Harper had, I’d have slammed her to a wall and fucked her into submission, but I’d been to Hell and was still clawing my way back from there.
“And this brings us right back to the beginning of the conversation, Harper. I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened.”
“But it did, Cole. You can’t put the foam back in the can now it’s out.”
